Open relationships sound cool, until one person treats it like a buffet and expects the other to survive on crumbs. Some folks out there want all the perks of polyamory with none of the responsibility.
It’s wild how “open” can mean “open for me, monogamous for you.” And when the tables turn? Oh, suddenly it’s a huge betrayal.
One Redditor learned the hard way that her boyfriend’s idea of “open” came with a whole lot of double standards, jealousy, and next level audacity. Because equality is apparently not part of his vibe.
More info: Reddit
Open relationships seem fair, until one person stacks the deck and the other’s left holding empty cards
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One woman agreed to be in an open relationship with her boyfriend, but realized he wanted her to be loyal while he slept around with whoever he wants
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman didn’t sleep with anyone else for 11 months, but one night she hooked up with another guy, causing her boyfriend to go ballistic
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The boyfriend demanded his girlfriend remain loyal while he slept around and started controlling her, requesting constant updates and access to her phone
Image credits: KindXGirly
The woman is considering ending her relationship since her boyfriend started controlling her every move, accusing her of being disrespectful by sleeping with someone else
The OP (original poster) has been dating her boyfriend for nearly a year. From the jump, he made it clear: he needed to be in an open relationship, which meant either of them could sleep with whoever they wanted. The OP agreed, even though she had never been in one before. Seemed like a fair deal at the time.
Well, after 11 months, guess how many people she’d been with outside the relationship? A big fat zero. Why? Because she was genuinely happy with him. Meanwhile, her boyfriend had a rotation of casual partners like he was running a Tinder affiliate program.
Then, one night, after a few too many drinks, the OP slept with another guy at a party. She didn’t hide it. In her mind, she hadn’t broken any rules. But when her boyfriend found out? He flipped. Suddenly, she was the bad guy. He called it “disrespectful”, even though he’s been with multiple people since day one.
But it didn’t stop there. Since then, he's turned into a jealous detective, accusing her of flirting with other guys, demanding to check her phone, wanting hourly check-ins, and even asking to track her location. Meanwhile, he’s still out doing his thing, completely unapologetically.
The dude claims he loves the OP and expects her to be “loyal,” but any time she points out the glaring double standard, he accuses her of trying to control him. Dude, the math is not mathing. This guy essentially rebranded monogamy for her and polyamory for him, which isn’t just hypocritical—it’s manipulative.
Image credits: Camandona / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Open relationships work only when both partners agree on the same rules—and actually stick to them. That means discussing specifics like: Can you sleep with friends? Is emotional intimacy allowed? Will you tell each other about other partners? Without these conversations, someone almost always ends up hurt.
Couples who succeed in open relationships regularly revisit their boundaries and update them as feelings evolve. If one partner is constantly benefiting while the other is holding back out of fear or obligation, that’s not an open relationship. Sure, a little jealousy might feel flattering, but when it starts driving controlling behavior, it suddenly becomes less romantic.
Control in a relationship often shows up subtly: constant check-ins, guilt-tripping when you want space, or discouraging time with friends. Over time, that behavior escalates into surveillance and emotional blackmail. A healthy partner will support your independence, not fear it. If someone is uncomfortable with your autonomy, that’s a sign of insecurity on their end, not something you need to fix.
The pros suggest paying attention to how you feel around your partner: anxious? Monitored? Walking on eggshells? Those are red flags. Control is not love -it’s fear disguised as protection. And you deserve a partner, not a supervisor who thinks the rules don’t apply to them.
What do you think of this story? Was the poster a jerk for hooking up with someone else? Let us know in the comments below!
People in the comments advise the woman to leave her manipulative and controlling boyfriend
