Living together with your partner can be quite challenging at first. No matter how much you love someone, there’s bound to be at least a smidgen of friction between you while you figure out how to match your different schedules, routines, and lifestyles. One often contentious question is what you should eat.
One anonymous man, who does most of the cooking at home and feels unappreciated, turned to the AITA community for some heartfelt advice. He opened up about exactly why he finally decided to stop catering to his girlfriend’s incredibly restrictive food preferences. Read on for the full story, as well as an update from the author.
Even if you love cooking, you can quickly lose your passion if the entire burden falls on you, yet you can't make what you want
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A man vented online about how he can't cook anything that he wants to eat at home because of his girlfriend's dietary preferences
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Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
After the story started going viral, the author shared a very important update. The situation had escalated
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Food taste and preferences are wildly important in relationships
Food actually plays a very significant role in relationships. Not only is eating something that all of us have to do to survive, but cooking and dining together is a way to connect. Kitchen dynamics can also reveal a lot about you as a couple, such as your priorities, how good you are at working as a team, and how you distribute housework.
Referring to a poll of 2k adults conducted by Peperami Chicken Bites, the Independent reports that 14% of respondents admitted that they’d end a new relationship if they had completely different food tastes. Over half of the respondents said that they find someone more attractive if their food tastes match.
Meanwhile, 17% said that they would refuse to date someone with different tastes than them no matter what… even if the other person were a millionaire. And just 55% of respondents said that they were compatible with their current partners when it comes to food taste.
Food psychologist Dr. Christy Fergusson had this to say about the role that food plays in relationships and searching for a partner: “What someone eats and the food choices they make can give important insights into who they are. In dating it helps us to assess if they are going to be a good fit for us and our lifestyle and values.”
She continued: “Most people recognize that in dating and relationships, so much of our interaction is centered around food. Where to go for a meal, what to buy from the supermarket, what to have for lunch, what takeaway to order from. Food choice compatibility can be key in dating. It’s clear that we don’t only make decisions about compatibility with our head and our heart—but our taste buds too.”
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The household chore distribution has to make sense to both partners, otherwise, it's not fair
There are a couple of main issues at play in the tense situation described by the author of the viral post. The first one is the blandness of the couple’s diet itself. The second is that there doesn’t seem to be a lot of give-and-take in the relationship: one person appears to try to dominate the other and is unwilling to look for compromises.
It can be tough to find common ground if your diets are very different. Let’s be honest, eating the same thing day in and day out gets boring super quick. There’s a need for some balance between nutrition and taste.
Eating healthy does not necessarily mean that it has to be boring: you can have a lot of variety. However, that takes a lot of time and energy to do your research, find creative ways to use ingredients, do the shopping, etc.
If one person does the lion’s share of the cooking at home, they’ll probably end up even more exhausted than they already are. Even if you’re passionate about gastronomy, being forced to do something can take the wind right out of your sails. The author of the post revealed that he also does most of the other chores at home.
Meanwhile, if one partner is bored out of their mind eating the same things over and over again, you can’t really blame them for that. It’d be unfair to force them into a restrictive diet that clearly doesn’t work for them and only demotivates them.
The author of the viral story revealed that he did his best to look for some sort of compromise. However, his girlfriend was unwilling to budge. Furthermore, she refused to do any sort of cooking or meal prep herself. Why? Because she works more.
That sort of stubborn attitude toward chores is a pretty big issue. Sure, many couples won’t be able to split the housework right down the middle because their situations are different. One partner might work more than the other, for instance. So, every couple needs to find a balance that suits them. However, helping your partner out, doing chores as needed, and showing that you appreciate their efforts—all of these are things that contribute to a happy and healthy relationship.
“She will NOT eat any kind of pasta, any kind of bread aside from wheat, any kind of potato, hamburger or beef of any kind, no pork of any kind, no cheese of any kind, no sweets of any kind, no egg yolks, no lunch meat aside from turkey, no sauces like BBQ or ranch of any kind, no chips or other snacks of that nature,” the author of the post listed how restrictive his partner’s diet was.
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The situation isn't without solutions, however, both sides have to be willing to compromise and think outside the box
There are ways around this issue. For one, because it’s the girlfriend who has such a restrictive diet, it’s her responsibility to maintain it. Forcing her partner to cook for her while she contributes nothing in the kitchen herself sounds very unfair. Especially because he seems to dislike the food he makes.
In this case, the girlfriend could set aside some time after her busy schedule to do at least some of the meal prep herself. Or, if finances aren’t as big of an issue as free time, she could sign up with a healthy-eating-focused company that does either meal prep or delivers fully-cooked meals to her doorstep.
Alternatively, she may need to lower her standards and slightly adjust her dietary expectations if she’s unwilling to cook or spend extra money on catering services. Having a partner who cooks for you is a blessing. But it’s unfair if they never get any help, and only get criticized if they deviate from ‘the plan.’
What are your thoughts on the topic, dear Pandas? What would you have done if you were in the author’s shoes? Have you ever gotten into an argument with your significant other over cooking, chores, and dietary preferences? How do you divide up the cooking in your household? We’d really like to hear your thoughts on all of this, so grab a snack and share yours in the comments!
The boyfriend also shared a lot more context in the comments of his post
Most readers were very sympathetic to the man. Here's their take on the argument between the two partners
However, some internet users saw the argument differently. They decided to side with the girlfriend
