Different people have different bodies, and unless someone asks for your opinion, it is usually best to keep comments about them to yourself. You never really know what kind of impact your words can have, and by the time you do, it is often already too late.
One woman had already lost 100 pounds when she met her boyfriend, so he had no idea what she looked like before. That changed when he saw an old video of her and, without realizing who he was looking at, called her a humpback. Ouch.
He apologized the moment he understood what had happened, but the damage was already done. Now, the woman is devastated by her boyfriend’s brutal reaction and has no idea how to move past it. Read the full story below.
The woman had lost 100 pounds before she met her boyfriend, so he had no idea what she looked like before
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels (not the actual photo)
But when he saw an old video of her, his cruel comments broke her heart
Image credits: Julia Larson/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: stockking/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Timur Weber/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mind_Cute
The man’s reaction raises a lot of red flags
What probably stands out the most in this story is how quickly the boyfriend judged someone based on their weight alone.
He felt bad the moment he realized it was his girlfriend and apologized sincerely, but the fact remains that seeing someone with a larger body was enough to prompt an insult without a second thought.
Not just any insult either—after a few seconds of watching a video, he called the person on screen a humpback.
Even if he is a wonderful boyfriend in every other way, that is difficult to look past. It raises a genuine question about what would happen if his girlfriend ever gained weight again down the line, whether through life changes or health struggles. Would his feelings toward her stay the same?
Weight shaming, in any form, can be deeply uncomfortable and hurtful for the person on the receiving end
Image credits: Andres Ayrton/Pexels (not the actual photo)
It is completely understandable that the girlfriend cannot simply shake this off and move on. Body shaming is something a painful number of people experience, and the impact it leaves behind is very real.
More than 40% of U.S. adults report experiencing weight stigma at some point in their lives, with even higher numbers in other countries. Also known as sizeism, weight stigma is linked to psychological distress and a greater risk of mental health struggles.
It is also far more common than many people realize—even among children, weight-based bullying occurs more frequently than bullying based on race or disability.
Those doing the commenting are not always strangers either. Family members and romantic partners are among the most common sources, often genuinely believing that pointing out someone’s weight is helpful or motivating in some way.
“People can’t change the color of their skin, but there’s this perception that people can diet their way out of obesity—that if somebody has a larger body, it’s 100% their fault,” Janet Tomiyama, PhD, a professor of health and social psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles, told The American Psychological Association.
Ironically, what makes weight stigma particularly harmful is that it tends to work against the very thing people assume it encourages. Research shows that experiencing it actually leads to a decrease in health-seeking behaviors and can contribute to weight gain over time.
People who face weight stigma are also more likely to develop disordered eating habits and to avoid exercise, particularly in public settings.
Even positive comments about someone’s body can do more harm than good
Image credits: Andres Ayrton/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Essentially, commenting on someone’s weight or appearance, even with the best of intentions, is generally not a good idea. Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist who herself lost 100 pounds, explains exactly why in a piece for Psychology Today.
Any comment about a person’s body draws attention to it in a way that can bring up a great deal of past pain and emotion. A remark like “you look amazing now” might seem kind on the surface, but it implies that the person looked worse before. Even when well-meaning, that kind of comment can reinforce the idea that someone’s worth or attractiveness was somehow lesser at a different point in their life.
Weight-based comments can also create lasting anxiety around maintaining weight loss and, over time, contribute to unhealthy habits around food and exercise. The pressure of constant compliments can make a person feel like they need to stay at that weight no matter what, which can push them toward disordered eating without them even realizing it.
It is also worth remembering that not every weight loss story is a happy one. Sometimes it is the result of illness, grief, or prolonged stress, and telling someone they look great when their body has changed due to something painful is not the compliment it might seem.
Rather than focusing on how someone looks, it is much better to say something more encouraging and meaningful that does not center their appearance.
Phrases like “you seem so happy lately,” “your energy has been amazing,” or “you look so strong and confident” can acknowledge a person in a kind way without reducing them to their body.
What do you think about this story? Do you believe the boyfriend can come back from this, or should the woman seriously reconsider the relationship? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Readers felt sorry for the woman, saying the boyfriend’s reaction spoke volumes about the kind of person he really is
