“He Seems So Normal Otherwise?”: Woman Unsure If BF’s Hobby Is A Dealbreaker

We've probably all got that one dealbreaker that would mean our relationship is toast. For many people, it's lack of trust and honesty, at least according to The Knot's 2024 Relationship & Intimacy Study. For other people, however, strange hobbies and habits may come first.

For this woman, stuffed animals seem to be the dealbreaker, since she started to seriously consider breaking up with her BF after finding out he sleeps with a stuffed toy dragon. As he was basically an angel in any other regard, she felt it would be unfair to break up over this. But, unable to shake her gut feeling that this is very weird, she decided to ask for some opinions online.

Owning and sleeping with a stuffed animal might seem childish for an adult. We associate stuffed animals with toys, and toys are for children, not grownups. However, you'd probably be surprised to find out just how many adults still own and find comfort in their stuffed toys.

A survey by Build-A-Bear shows that 40% of Americans sleep with a stuffed animal. If you think they might be biased, here's another stat for you: a 2017 poll by Best Mattress Brand polled 2,000 Americans and found that 14% of people still sleep with a doll, a stuffed animal, or a teddy bear.

Another study by OnePoll and Life Storage proved that 43% of people don't stop cuddling their toys even when they're adults. Perhaps surprisingly, 84% of men still have at least one stuffed animal compared to 77% of women.

Psychologists don't really see a problem with adults keeping stuffed animals. As licensed therapist Robert Ryan explained to Vice, it simply satisfies some kind of need. "If you're alone in life and you have a big stuffed animal, there's somebody in bed with you. Sometimes it's very comforting to cuddle a pillow, and it might not be anything more than that."

The girlfriend in this story might've even made a mistake by bringing this up to her boyfriend and asking him to relinquish the toy dragon. As licensed therapist Maddy Ellberger explained to The New York Times, it might cause more problems rather than a solution.

"Being given an ultimatum is kind of a problem. If your partner is like, 'This is so dumb,' that's going to be a bigger problem than the actual bear."

The girlfriend in this story was worried that her boyfriend might not be right in the head because he still sleeps with a plushie. But there's nothing pathologically wrong with having your own stuffed toy well into adulthood.

Just like children, adults may need help regulating stress and emotions, especially when coping with separation anxiety. Stuffed animals can come in handy in such scenarios. In 1951, pediatrician and psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott called such items "transitional objects". Although he was referring to the stage when infants use these objects to handle separation from the mother, experts say that adults might rely on stuffies for stress regulation, too.

For example, a 2016 study observed college students during therapy sessions and found that holding stuffed animals helped the students to comfort themselves better.

Play therapist Mark Brenner explains that we might need stuffed toys even in adulthood because they're "sacred keepsakes". They remind us and pull us back to "a place and time of great solace and memory." What's more, they can even help us sleep better. As we associate stuffies with childhood bedtime rituals, they might bring us comfort.

Some adults might shame others for deriving comfort from a plushie, but science shows that it can really help us de-stress, similar to how breathing exercises do. In the meantime, I'm going to go cuddle with my giant Winnie the Pooh plushie, Pandas. And I'll feel no shame about it whatsoever.