Money can be a sensitive topic for many people, but the one person you should be able to discuss anything with is your partner. Every couple decides how to split up finances in the way that works best for them, but it usually includes a bit of taking turns. You buy brunch today, and I’ll buy dinner on Wednesday. I bought our groceries this week, so you can pay for them next time. There’s not usually a need for keeping receipts and tracking to a T because it’ll all balance out! A relationship is about love and companionship, not tracking transactions. Right?
Well, one woman from Toronto, Maddy Blythe, recently went viral on TikTok after she shocked the world with her ex-boyfriend’s method of tracking finances. Below, you’ll find Maddy’s full explanation of how her former partner sent spreadsheets to her each month asking for reimbursement for food, wine, train tickets and more, as well as an interview with Adam Kol, The Couples Financial Coach.
We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments as well, pandas. How do you and your partner juggle finances? Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing how to split bills in a relationship, look no further than right here!
Maddy Blythe shocked the internet by revealing that her ex-boyfriend used to keep spreadsheets tracking all of the money she owed him down to the cent
Image credits: maddyblythe
Viewers immediately wanted more information, so Maddy dug through her old emails and found one of the spreadsheets to share with them
She also included some of the communication they had via email
Image credits: maddyblythe
You can hear Maddy discuss the spreadsheets right here
Viewers were also curious how this tracking came about in the first place, so Maddy posted another video explaining
Image credits: maddyblythe
You can watch the full video detailing the background of the spreadsheets right here
Every couple is unique and has the right to decide how they want to split up costs. But it does seem a little unhealthy to be in a relationship that appears to revolve around finances. Going out for dinner or splitting a bottle of wine with someone you love is about sharing an experience. It’s about bonding with your partner and taking some time to do something special that you wouldn’t do with everyone else. You might ask a coworker or friend to pay you back for their half of a meal or bottle of wine, but in a relationship, it is expected that you both share things. It’s sweet to give your partner a nice meal or a fancy coffee without asking for anything in return. It’s understood that they will do the same thing for you next time, and it makes the experience feel more like a gift or kind gesture than a transaction.
It’s also important to handle matters about money delicately in a relationship, as arguments about finances are by far the top predictor of divorce, according to a study by Kansas State University. Apparently, it takes couples longer to recover from disagreements about money than any other kind of argument, and these fights tend to be more intense and involve harsher language. "You can measure people's money arguments when they are very first married," says Sonya Britt, assistant professor of family studies and human services and program director of personal financial planning at Kansas State University. "It doesn't matter how long ago it was, but when they were first together and already arguing about money, there is a good chance they are going to have poor relationship satisfaction."
Not every couple is doomed to a life of financial worries though. With help from experts like Adam Kol, or the Couples Financial Coach, partners can find a way to split up finances in a way that they find fair. We reached out to Adam to hear his thoughts on this topic and he told Bored Panda, "What matters is working as a team to create a plan that works for both of you and tracking your progress in a way that helps you stay on target. You should certainly include all expenses, but whether you go line by line depends on your preferences, needs, and shared agreements."
"Spreadsheets are great, and there are also many other utilities out there, like Splitwise which help with easier splitting and tracking of shared expenses," Adam noted. "Keep in mind, though, the balance between being precise and being intimate. It sounds like this person's ex-boyfriend's approach made them feel like corporate colleagues, rather than romantic partners, and while there are parts of running a household that may require some nitty gritty and even spreadsheets, the best approach should feel less exacting and more connecting."
Adam also shared some of his dos and don'ts of balancing finances with a partner. "Do start by getting comfortable talking about money together. Don't go straight to the numbers. Do keep regular tabs on your progress and evaluate your overall plan from time to time. Don't make a plan once and assume it will meet your needs forever."
"Do be honest about any challenging dynamics, i.e. large disparities in income, savings, or expected inheritances. Don't avoid conversations just because they might be uncomfortable. Do keep an open mind and try to understand where your partner is coming from. Don't judge or belittle them, their financial situation, or their point of view. Do discuss big, important decisions together. Don't unilaterally make choices that will significantly affect both of you."
Many viewers were appalled by the boyfriend's behavior and called him out for being stingy
When it comes to discussions with our partners about money matters, Adam says to lean into the discomfort and just talk about it. "Acknowledge it out loud, and share how it feels to be on either side of the dynamic, including any fears or worries that come along with it," he told Bored Panda. "Then, talk about how you can work with the dynamic so that things feel fair and equitable, understanding that 'fair' is hard to define and doesn't necessarily mean equal. Keep in mind that the goal is to make things as good as possible for the family as a whole, which will give the whole conversation a better tone."
Adam also added that prenuptial and postnuptial agreements can be useful tools to help each person feel protected, even if the marriage doesn't last forever. "This makes it easier to give 100% towards helping the family as a whole in any given moment, as you know you'll be taken care of fairly and appropriately even in case of divorce," he says. "Finances are a big stressor in relationships and a top cause of divorce. But handled right, you can go from avoiding or fighting about money to having financial clarity, partnership, and peace of mind." If you'd like to hear more wise words from Adam or gain some guidance for your own relationship, be sure to visit his website The Couples Financial Coach right here.
Keeping score in a relationship is never a good idea. You likely don’t count how often your partner does laundry, washes the dishes or mops the floor, so there’s no need to track their finances to the last penny either. What’s important is that you work together well as a team, as Adam noted. And if one person is obsessed with being paid back for every croissant and bottle of beer, that might be an indication that something else isn’t working. We would love to hear your thoughts on these spreadsheets down below, pandas. Have you ever tracked your finances this closely with a partner? And if you have, did it go well? Then if you’re looking for another Bored Panda article discussing how couples can balance their bills, check out this story next.
However, not everyone thought the spreadsheets were a bad idea
Bored Panda has reached out to Maddy for a comment via TikTok and will update the article as soon as we hear back.