A couple functions best when both people are on the same page about their individual and shared responsibilities, including money. You don’t want to feel like you’re quietly becoming the “backup plan” for someone who keeps running into avoidable issues over and over again.
But Reddit user PandaExpressChef is beginning to think the balance in her relationship is slipping in a way she can no longer ignore, as she watches her boyfriend repeatedly make terrible financial choices. Especially now that his car has broken down and he’s thinking about taking out a loan to buy a new one.
This young woman earns about the same as her boyfriend
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But he never has enough money to go out with her
Now he’s thinking about taking out a loan for a $9,000 car when he can’t even afford a $200 fix
Image credits: Yunus Tuğ / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: pandaexpresschef
When choosing a romantic partner, money is likely to play a factor to some extent
Some commenters have called the woman unreasonable, but it’s becoming increasingly hard for her to ignore the guy’s behavior now that it affects her.
If a couple can’t decide how to split the check at the restaurant, how are they supposed to progress to a point where they’re sharing a home and paying the bills? You could even argue that in this uncertain economy, having the same level of money knowledge is even more important. The numbers support this notion, too.
Among single adults, 74% say financial stability is one of the most attractive traits in a partner, and 60% say financial compatibility matters more than chemistry, according to a recent survey of over 2,100 Americans aged 18 and older from The Harris Poll.
“[How you approach and manage money] is oftentimes representative of other things like love, control, power. And if individuals don’t take the time, especially couples, to really think through that, they are not really setting themselves up for success,” says Valerie Galinskaya, head of the Merrill Center for Family Wealth, a specialized group within wealth management company Merrill Lynch.
Image credits: ohlamour studio / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The Harris Poll survey discovered that singles are drawing clear boundaries, and their biggest financial dealbreakers are:
- The expectation that you will pay most of the time (45%);
- Unstable employment (42%);
- Bad spending habits (42%);
- Credit card debt (34%);
- Having no savings / living paycheck to paycheck (22%).
So as we can see, our Redditor and her concerns, in the context of the broader dating world, are completely normal.
Galinskaya says you don’t necessarily have to share your salary or how much debt you have on the first date, but as a relationship progresses, “a lack of willingness to disclose information” can be “representative of really unhealthy patterns.”
The problems are exacerbated if one partner is career-driven while the other is routinely in and out of jobs or isn’t motivated to keep building their future.
That, according to Galinskaya, “can be a reflection that this is not going to be an individual who’s really going to contribute.” Not just financially, but contribute their insight, their time, their effort in a relationship on the same level that their partner would like both of them to.
Most people believe that no matter how the guy spends his money, he needs to be more responsible
Some, however, believe there might be more than meets the eye
A few people shared their own similar experiences and what they learned from them
