Living with a partner can bring out disagreements that seem small at first but later reveal much deeper problems. Reddit user Chimneysweepy shared her story on r/TwoXChromosomes about the ongoing tension in her home, where she lived with her boyfriend—and his best friend, who stayed rent-free. The conflict started over something personal: how she disposed of her tampons in the shared bathroom. Despite her efforts to compromise, the complaints kept escalating, and her boyfriend’s reaction only made things worse.
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A period is a natural part of life and basic hygiene
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But for this woman, it became a breaking point in her relationship
Image credits: Pablo Merchán Montes / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The longer the resentment builds, the harder it is for people to see each other's point of view
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It's good that the woman refused to put up with the roommate's behavior. "The energy we feel at home is vital to our ability to interact with the rest of the world. If the energy at home is negative or draining, it can have a large impact on our mental health and our living environment," says Laura Rhodes-Levin, LMFT, author of The Missing Peace: Rewire Your Brain, Reduce Anxiety, and Recreate Your Life.
It's hard to tell why he was acting this way. There can be multiple reasons for controlling behavior, including:
- Insecurity. Controlling behavior is often the result of fear or insecurity on the part of the controller, despite the image of strength and confidence he or she often projects.
- High-functioning anxiety. What might seem on the outside to be the pinnacle of organization and preparedness could actually be the symptoms of high-functioning anxiety. They may use control as a coping mechanism to create safety for their own spiraling worries and concerns, as being the one in charge serves them by allowing them more control over the little details.
- Low self-esteem. Counterintuitively, a controlling person may also have serious issues with low self-esteem. Maybe he or she was abandoned as a child or experienced some other sort of lasting trauma, and because of it, they can't believe anyone would truly care about them, so they try to control or buy love.
- OCD. Even without poor self-image or past trauma, people who are controlling in one aspect of life might be subconsciously compensating for a lack of control in another. In extreme cases, this might be the result of OCD.
And if these labels do not apply to the guy, sometimes people's fundamental needs and values are just so different from those of their roommates, there may be no way around it but to transition to a new living situation.
A simple but easy way to see if that is the case is to check in with yourself at the end of each day. "I once had a roommate that I was unhappy with, and I kept a little notepad by my bedside. On the days I wanted to leave, I would write L. On the days I felt things were going OK, I would write S for stay. If you find that you have more L's than S's, it's time to find a different arrangement," says Rhodes-Levin.
As her story went viral, the woman clarified a few important details
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: chimneysweepy
She then joined the conversation in the comments
