Planning a wedding often involves compromise, as couples might not see eye to eye about everything. But while some things can be negotiated, others are not a matter of question.
When the fiancée of this redditor told him she wanted a child-free wedding, the groom-to-be-agreed. The only thing he wanted was an exception for his 15yo son; but the woman stood firmly on her no-exceptions rule. She also criticized him for giving her an ultimatum, which led to the OP wondering if he was the [jerk] in the situation.
Some couples would rather not have kids at their wedding, which is why they opt for a child-free celebration
Image credits: halfpoint (not the actual photo)
This redditor’s fiancée refused to make an exception for his son at their child-free wedding
Image credits: voronaman111 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ChildFreeWeddingSon
The reasons for choosing to have a child-free wedding can differ with each couple
Image credits: Sonyachny (not the actual photo)
There may be many reasons for a couple to opt for a child-free wedding, from wanting a ceremony uninterrupted by kids running around to fearing what they might do if left to their own devices. It’s safe to assume that not all children are equally eager to be there, too, especially considering the lack of kid-friendly activities.
Whether to include the little ones in the invite list also depends on the type of wedding one is planning on having. While for some, it’s a celebration of family and community, for others it’s more of a grand—often alcohol-infused—party and, according to Wisconsin-based wedding planner, Meredith Bartel, the younger generation nowadays tend to view it more as the latter.
That’s why, when it comes to such a celebration, Bartel suggests asking one question—would you bring young children to the club? “I wouldn’t,” she told Glamour. She also added that every chair at a table is something people now typically cover from their own pocket, which can become another reason to think long and hard about who to invite.
“We’re not relying on our parents to pay for weddings the way we were a couple decades ago,” the wedding planner pointed out. “People are making their own choices instead of having their parents plan their weddings.” Since the happy couple is the one paying for it, they get to decide whether they want kids around and if they’re ready to open up their wallets to have them there.
But not everything has to be this black and white. According to Glamour, there are three types of weddings: the all-age, the child-free, and the age-exclusive. The first and second options are the aforementioned black and white, but the third one allows certain children to attend the wedding, who typically include family members or members of the wedding party; which was exactly what the OP wanted.
Creating a family when there are children from previous relationships involved requires careful deliberation
Image credits: Agung Pandit Wiguna (not the actual photo)
It is unclear why the OP’s fiancée was so set against having her partner’s son at their wedding. One reason for it could have been her simply wanting a child-free wedding (no matter how old the OP’s son was), but it could also have been reasons more complex, likely related to the groom’s previous relationship.
The American Psychological Association (APA) pointed out that in order for a marriage to work, when there are children from previous relationships involved, the couple ought to consider three main elements that play a significant role in the new family dynamics. When planning their life together, they should discuss financial and living arrangements, resolve feelings and concerns in regards to previous relationships, and anticipate parenting changes and decisions.
APA suggested that the new marriage can evoke all sorts of feelings for both children and adults. For the former, it might be the upsetting realization that their parents are not likely to get back together, for instance; while for the latter, it can become a cause for jealousy or other less positive sentiments.
The OP revealed that his fiancée thought that him wanting his son at the wedding was equal to him wanting his ex partner there, which wasn’t the case. Some redditors wondered if the woman was upset because she was hoping that after starting a new family, the OP would become more distant from his son, which, unfortunately, is not unheard of.
According to APA, once the parent remarries, the level of communication with their child tends to decrease. That is reportedly especially common among fathers, who cut the number of visits to their kids by half within the first year of remarriage. Be that as it may, the woman did not express such expectations, and the OP himself made sure to let her know that the boy is and will always be his family.
Bored Panda has reached out to the OP via Reddit and will update the article once we've heard back from him.
The OP provided a bit more information in the comments
Netizens didn’t hold back their opinions, some even suggested that the OP end the relationship
