It’s always tricky when guests come with plus-ones to any event. First, they were probably not invited by the hosts. Also, they may not be good friends with the other attendees. Some secrets and juicy stories might even come to light.
This time, one bride-to-be asked the internet whether she was the AH for kicking out her friend’s plus-one from the bachelorette party. The woman was rude and disrespectful, so the bride had to get physical. And in a somewhat comical turn of events, a wig came flying off, hence the question: was she the AH?
Bored Panda asked two etiquette experts to assess the situation. Lisa Mirza Grotts is a 23-year certified etiquette expert and has authored a manners blog for the Huffington Post for eight years. Myka Meier is The Plaza Hotel etiquette trainer who shares her expertise in a relatable, entertaining, and educational way on her Instagram and in the media. You can read the insights from both experts below!
Bachelorette parties are supposed to be fun, lighthearted, and filled with your closest friends
Image credits: Bave Pictures (not the actual photo)
One future bride had to deal with a rude guest during her “homely” celebration
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Key-Childhood8323
Image credits: Tara Winstead (not the actual photo)
If bringing a plus-one wasn’t mentioned in the invitation, doing so can be considered a violation of party etiquette
All parties, for whatever occasion they may be, have a certain etiquette. The hosts are in charge of setting the dos and don’ts (most often in an invitation), and the guests need to adhere to the expected protocol.
Those who want to be invited to parties (and to be invited back) need to show their host manners, Lisa Mirza Grotts says. Whether or not guests bring a plus-one can tell a lot about said manners.
“A common mistake that guests make is bringing a plus-one to a dinner party when a plus-one wasn’t invited,” Grotts says. “It’s rude unless it’s clearly stated on the invitation.”
“A common mistake that guests make is bringing a plus-one to a dinner party when a plus-one wasn’t invited,” Grotts says. “It’s rude unless it’s clearly stated on the invitation.”
Myka Meier agrees: “If you are not given a plus one, you should not bring one. If you are allocated a plus one, it’s absolutely fine to bring someone from outside a friend group to an event or dinner. That being said, if you are bringing someone from outside the friend circle to an intimate event, it’s important to ask the host before doing so.”
What if that extra guest is completely chill, and you can guarantee they won’t cause any problems? “You might consider it a benign interpretation, but a plus-one, even though well-behaved, is a violation of social manners,” the etiquette expert is strict on the matter.
Meier says the uninvited guest is the responsibility of those who bring them. “The person who brings that new friend should play host to their new guest to ensure they are introduced to everyone, is included in the conversation, and in a difficult situation, takes accountability for stepping in if needed. The person who invited the badly mannered guest sort of acts as the guarantor.”
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
“I’ve never hosted a party or have been to one where the inappropriate didn’t happen,” our etiquette expert says
You never know where and when a rude person might make your day worse. It can happen while you’re shopping, commuting, doing a task at work, or simply eating dinner with your family at the end of the day.
Lisa Mirza Grotts points out that having a rude guest at your party is almost always a given. “Don’t be shocked at your next dinner party if the unimaginable happens,” she says. “I’ve never hosted a party or have been to one where the inappropriate didn’t happen: uninvited guests, special requests, and rude behavior – none of which was part of the mix.”
Myka Meier says that correcting bad etiquette can be considered bad etiquette in itself. “I think I would try to ignore general bad manners such as at the dining table or little things that could be overlooked at the moment, and then I would just discreetly ensure that person was not invited again.”
“If someone steps completely out of bounds or acts to a level of inappropriate behavior that isn’t tolerated or is offensive to other guests or the host, it’s the job of the friend who brought the rude person to take them aside and ask them to change the way they are behaving or leave the event altogether.”
The most important thing is how you react to a certain individual or the situation at hand. “Civility is the secret sauce of good manners, even when your guests misbehave,” Grotts tells Bored Panda.
“HM Queen Elizabeth II was famously quoted as saying that just because you have a mouth doesn’t mean you need to use it. Oftentimes it’s what we don't say that speaks louder than words and makes our good behavior shine.”
Image credits: Becca Correia (not the actual photo)
A host shouldn’t blame themselves for a derailed party – it’s the responsibility of the guest to act politely
Is there any way to avoid these altercations? Can hosts take any preemptive measures not to have their party derailed by a rude guest? Grotts says there’s not much the host can do – most of the responsibility ultimately falls on the shoulders of the guest. Meier says you can inform the plus-one before the party what topics of conversation are a no-go.
“If you think the group you are bringing someone into has certain strong views or beliefs that may cause discomfort if challenged, it’s absolutely fine to let the person know before going what topics or sensitive areas should be avoided.”
“If the guest does not agree with your advance notice or has issues with any other guest or the host, then it’s best not to have them come,” Meier tells us.
“There’s not a one-size-fits-all approach to plus-one etiquette,” Lisa Mirza Grotts admits. “All a host can do is prepare ahead of time. It’s really up to the guest to follow the rules of polite behavior so the host is not faced with these unforeseen situations.”
The OP gave us some more information in the comments, like what the fate of the wig was
Some redditors say she’s not the AH and blame the bride’s friend who brought the unruly guest
Others believe the bride was the AH, blaming her for physically assaulting the rude guest
