Unfortunately, for some people, appearances are all that matters. They can’t see beneath the surface, and friendships with them are only ever skin-deep. Sometimes, quite literally.
Living with any chronic disease is a constant challenge. However, the more apparent and visual your condition is, the more likely others are to avoid or harass you. Redditor u/Wonderful-Target3072 recently opened up to the AITA online community about how her friend’s reaction to her psoriasis—a skin disease—led to some drama at a wedding. You’ll find the full story as you scroll down.
Bored Panda reached out to the Psoriasis Association, the UK's leading national charity for those affected by psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, with a couple of questions. Helen McAteer, the Chief Executive of the Psoriasis Association was kind enough to answer them. Read on for her insights.
Psoriasis is a chronic skin disease. It isn't contagious, but there is no known cure
Image credits: scarwafa (not the actual photo)
A woman with the condition shared the awful interaction she had with her friend whose wedding it was
Image credits: Orrling (not the actual photo)
The woman was completely shocked by how the bride reacted when she saw her
Image credits: Christopher Campbell (not the actual photo)
Credits: Wonderful-Target3072
The bride didn't appreciate all of the effort her guest had gone to
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
The author of the story explained how she had gone to great lengths to find a concealer that could possibly work on her psoriasis. However, her search wasn’t very fruitful. All of the products she found only made her condition worse and made her physically uncomfortable.
In the end, she took her boyfriend’s advice and went to her friend’s wedding ceremony without covering up her skin condition. And though everything seemed fine at the start, things quickly went downhill when the bride approached the OP. She demanded to know if she’d be going back home to cover up her psoriasis.
“I was a little taken aback and explained I couldn’t as the entire week I had been testing concealers and it made it 20 times worse. She told me she didn’t care and that this was her wedding and she didn’t want her guests asking me questions or feeling queasy during dinner,” redditor u/Wonderful-Target3072 wrote.
The couple decided to leave the wedding if that was how the bride was treating her friend. What made matters even worse was that the bride then went on to rant about what happened to all of her friends.
"Having a visible skin condition affects people in different ways"
Bored Panda got in touch with the Psoriasis Association, in the UK, with a couple of questions about how to react in situations where others are trying to embarrass people with the condition. "We are all individuals and some people are more confident than others, sometimes even the most confident people can be caught off guard," McAteer, the Chief Executive of the national charity, said.
"Some people use a direct approach, others would rather just get out of the situation. It can be helpful rehearsing in your head (or out loud in the mirror) a short, simple sentence such as, 'I’ve seen you looking at my skin. I have psoriasis and so my skin cells reproduce quicker than yours.' And then walk away, move on, or allow time for their response."
According to McAteer, a short sentence like that is often sufficient. However, we shouldn't assume that everyone will be confident to speak up in the moment. That's why practicing lines like this ahead of time can be useful.
We were also interested in what can help individuals with psoriasis embrace living with the condition. McAteer explained to Bored Panda that some people may find it difficult to live with psoriasis. "Having a visible skin condition affects people in different ways. Some people feel confident to wear whatever they want to, whereas others chose to cover their psoriasis with clothing or make-up. Some find living with psoriasis improves the older they get, but may have struggled with it in their teens/early 20s when trying to form relationships," the head of the Psoriasis Association told us.
"If you have people around you who are accepting of you and see the person beyond psoriasis, then it can be easier than if you are very self-aware. The Psoriasis Association’s Instagram (@psoriasisuk) is a wonderful resource for people to see others with psoriasis. Psoriasis doesn’t always affect the same area of the body each time people have a flare up, and so managing patches on your tummy, or elbows may, for some, be easier than the higher impact sites such as the face, hands, or flexural areas."
Some brides tend to focus only on appearances
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia (not the actual photo)
Most AITA community members were on the post author’s side, pointing out that she did absolutely nothing wrong. Some more astute redditors noted that this probably meant the end of the friendship between the OP and the bride. Others stressed the fact that just because it’s someone’s wedding, it doesn’t give them the right to treat others poorly.
The OP was incredibly thankful for the warm support her readers gave her. Unfortunately, the redditor’s account was suspended for an unknown reason, so we weren’t able to reach out to her.
Broadly speaking, there’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ wedding. Something will inevitably go wrong, whether it’s one of your vendors getting to the venue a bit later than they promised or your officiator mispronouncing your name. Many details are outside of your direct control. But what you can control is how you react to all of these ‘imperfect’ situations.
What truly matters is that you celebrate your love as a couple with your family and friends. That’s truly what’s most important. And though it’s lovely to have hundreds of photos from the day where you and your guests look flawless in every single frame, all of that is just an illusion. None of us are flawless. Not all of us are as graceful as professional models. We know that we’d rather choose authenticity and fun over staging cold perfection. But maybe that’s just us?
There's a lot that researchers still don't know about psoriasis
Image credits: scarwafa (not the actual photo)
Psoriasis, the skin disease that the author of the viral post has, causes a rash with itchy and scaly patches. It’s a common chronic disease that, unfortunately, has no cure. Though not contagious, it can be very painful and it often comes and goes in cycles. For example, you might have a flare-up that lasts a few weeks or months, and then the condition subsides for a while.
There are treatments available to help manage the condition (e.g. the medical cream that u/Wonderful-Target3072 said she uses). If you’re having a tough time living with the condition, it’s best to seek the help of a professional. They could walk you through some lifestyle changes that you could make and show you some coping strategies to help you live a high-quality life.
Psoriasis can vary a lot from person to person. For instance, the color of the rash can be very different depending on the individual. Moreover, some people get just a few discolored spots on their skin while others have to deal with eruptions all over their bodies.
The condition is thought to be an immune system problem that causes skin cells to grow faster than usual, as infection-fighting cells attack healthy skin cells: this is what results in dry and scaly patches of skin. Psoriasis isn’t fully understood yet, but researchers believe that both genetic and environmental factors play a role.
The author of the post shared some more information in the comments
Here's how some more internet users reacted when they read the woman's story
