A wedding is a celebration not just for the couple, but also their entire families. It's a chance to honor the people who have shaped the newlyweds' lives, especially those that have played pivotal roles in their upbringing.
However, in a recent Reddit post, Creativecloud19 shared a difficult dilemma she faced while planning her big day. The bride wanted her adoptive parents to walk her down the aisle, but her biological mother, who has recently re-entered her life after years of estrangement, feels deeply hurt by the decision.
This bride told her biological mother — who had been estranged from for a long time — that she wanted her adoptive parents to walk her down the aisle
Image credits: pexels (not the actual photo)
The lady felt like she was being excluded and got very upset
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: creativecloud19
Image credits: pexels (not the actual photo)
Family estrangement has become an epidemic
According to data collected by Joshua Coleman, a psychologist who specializes in family estrangement, and national public opinion researcher Will Johnson, today, 1 in 2 American adults is estranged from a close relative.
There's little difference in the frequency of estrangement by political beliefs or party affiliation, but it is much more common among adults under 35.
Coleman and Johnson believe family relationships may be more fraught today because they exist in what sociologist Zygmunt Bauman called "liquid culture," a period characterized by rapidly changing norms and values — the traditional bonds and values that once unified people have eroded, leaving relationships more fragile and increasingly vulnerable to political and cultural polarization.
Coleman thinks there are two roads toward reconciliation.
The first includes reckoning with the issues that led to estrangement. In this scenario, an estranged child and parent may go to therapy together to better understand their relationship dynamic.
"I say that the purpose of this therapy is to ... demonstrate to your adult child if you're capable of taking responsibility and then understanding why they felt [estrangement] was the healthiest thing for them to do," Coleman explains. "You might need to … deepen your understanding of how your behavior impacted your child, even if it's at odds with your own recollections of what happened in the past."
Usually, Coleman encourages the estranged parent to write a "letter of amends," where they show that they recognize the effects of their words and actions.
The second path requires the wounded party accepting "the inherent flaws" of the person they've been estranged from.
The former person may ultimately conclude that, despite their problems, they still see the relationship as important enough for them to continue. There is no grand reckoning — more of a softening, an understanding that the person you were estranged from may never fix their flaws or change their mind but you want to be in their life regardless. "They just want family and they don't want to continue to be estranged,” Coleman says.
Maybe the Redditor and her mom are still at a crossroads?
As the story went viral, the bride provided more context for her situation
Most of those who read it believed she did nothing wrong
However, some are saying she needs to re-evaluate her priorities
