Your bachelorette party is considered your “last hurrah” before tying the knot. And it’d be awesome to have your besties and fave family members there, all having fun together. But sometimes, it’s just not possible. Especially when there’s beef between the bridesmaids and one or more of the guests.
One woman found herself caught in some serious drama in the run-up to her sister-in-law’s wedding. She is not a fan of the bridesmaids at all and believes they’re a bunch of drunks. When the woman called them out for trying to scam guests while organizing the hens night, it didn’t go down well. Even the bride got caught in the middle of a very awkward situation. Bored Panda reached out to the woman to get some more details.
The bridesmaids organized two events: one big boozy night out for everyone and one private weekend away with just them and the bride
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They asked each guest to contribute $200 dollars to the bachelorette party that was being held at a local gay club but didn't say why
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The woman says not much has changed since she said she wouldn't be attending
"I know my sister-in-law is aware of the situation. She knew the hens night was happening but everything else is a total surprise. Both bridesmaids are not speaking to me but I don't have them on FB or messenger," she told Bored Panda. She reiterated that the issue was with the bridesmaids and not her sister-in-law. "My sister-in-law is a pretty serious person, she knows what she wants in life. She lets her hair down and cuts loose every now and then. I think out of the three of them, she's grown up, but her friends haven't."
The woman added that she wasn't too concerned about how the saga would impact the actual wedding. "I'm certain it'll be fine though. Maybe they'll call me a prude at the wedding, which they've already done and that's fine," she said. "I won't be there long as I have to look after my ill family member and it's a ridiculously long drive. I won't be there by the time everyone starts getting drunk."
The woman had several reasons why she didn't want to attend but it seems the main sticking point was money
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Bachelorette parties don’t come cheap. Wedding magazine The Knot recently did some research and found that on average, they cost around $1,400. Usually, "the cost is split among the guests and the bride, who is not expected to chip in,” says etiquette expert Diane Gottsman. Many people don't mind paying their own way. When surveyed, most said they were excited to celebrate with friends and considered it money well spent.
$400 is more or less what most people paid to attend a bachelorette in 2023. But there were others who had forked out thousands. The cost really depends on the length and location of the festivities. In the case of the OP, the bridesmaids had planned two. A one night bash for a bunch of people and a longer weekend away for just three. Generally, a guest's contribution would go towards a party they have been invited to. So it could be seen as a bit cheeky to collect cash from them for a separate, private event.
Experts say it's important to be mindful of everyone's budgets when planning a bachelorette party
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Kevin Dennis is a wedding expert and agrees that each attendee is usually responsible for their own travel, accommodations and any outing, activity or meal. In an interview with The Knot, he said it's crucial to be sensitive to everyone's budget. He recommends the host reaches out to all guests to find out what their budget is. And then determine the lowest figure and work around that.
Plan The Hen is a website dedicated to all things hen parties and bachelorettes. “One of the most common reasons for declining a hen do is the cost. It’s a fact that hen celebrations have grown over the years and are now often a whole weekend or week of festivities,” reads the site. "Some people will be putting themselves into financial difficulty to even come (to) the hen do in the first place, so this needs to be handled with care." Gottsman agrees and says organizers should be crystal clear about costs in advance to avoid last-minute financial surprises for guests.
It's okay to decline an invite for whatever reason but the way you do it is what really matters
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"I told her to remove me from the group chat and I wouldn't be attending," is how the OP described her exit from the celebrations. And things clearly got heated after that. Experts say declining a hen invitation can be a delicate situation. Plan The Hen advises guests to handle the issue in a way that is respectful and considerate to all parties involved. They suggest letting the hosts know early, and being as clear and concise as possible. "It’s best to keep it short and honest, but phrased in the nicest way you can manage," reads the site.
How To Hen is a run by a professional hen party researcher. Their site says guests should always remember, it’s not about them. “It’s very easy to get defensive and irritable when you disagree with what has been planned or you feel like you are being left out. This happens a lot with budget issues.” They add that the organizers usually consult with all the guests about their budgets.
"If that budget suits most people but it puts you in a position where you can’t go, don’t get angry," reads the site. But in the case of the OP, it wasn't just an issue of the budget but rather the hidden agenda of the bridesmaids, and what they planned to do with the money.
Some people immediately assumed the worst of the bride but the woman explained that her SIL is nothing like the bridesmaids
Many netizens agreed guests shouldn't have to foot the bill for a weekend away that they're not invited to but some were divided about the booze-free brunch
Some felt the woman was being selfish by organizing a separate booze-free brunch
"I was surprised to have a few people trying to reprimand me for hosting a dry bridal shower," the woman told Bored Panda. She said society normalizes alcohol and she was shocked that someone replied saying they had booze at their own baby shower. "I think it's pretty embarrassing if you can't attend an event, particularly one that's in the morning or something like a baby shower, without drinking." she said.
"I had stated in my post, the crappy behaviour of the bridesmaids when drinking and was surprised when I had two people try and tell me I was in the wrong for trying to stop people drinking. I'm not stopping anything, but it's at my house, around my family and home and I don't want to deal with drunk people," she added.
Other people said she went about things the wrong way, and that she should have politely declined the invitation
