Personal space is a sacred thing. Only you get to decide who to let into it, what you’re fine with, and what’s too close for comfort. If your physical boundaries are being crossed, you have every right to assert them and, if need be, defend them.
For one Redditor, things got extreme after a guy stalked her in a grocery store, following her out to the parking lot and right up to her car. After letting him know he was making her uncomfortable, she eventually lashed out at him. Now she’s asking netizens if she was a jerk for doing so.
More info: Reddit
Woman was innocently shopping at a grocery store when she noticed a middle-aged guy following her quite closely
Image credits: ASphotofamily / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man wasn’t picking up or looking at anything, and didn’t even have a cart
Image credits: Oleksandr P / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Feeling uncomfortable, the woman checked out, but he followed her to her car and tried to flirt with her
Image credits: u/DahliaFlower667
The woman let him know that she wasn’t interested and told him to get out of her personal space, but he just got closer, so she broke his nose and took off
OP begins her story by telling the community that she was picking up a few things at the grocery store when she noticed a guy lurking near her in the aisles. He was following her quite closely and obviously not shopping for anything. Uncomfortable with the situation, OP hurriedly checked out.
It wasn’t until she got to her car that she noticed the man had followed her all the way and was starting to make awkward small talk, asking her random questions like where she’s from, whether she has a boyfriend or not, and all the rest.
The woman told him in no uncertain terms that she wasn’t interested and asked him to back off, but he just got closer. OP describes having had some previous trauma that makes her extremely uncomfortable with others in her personal space, so it was no surprise when she lashed out at the creep, breaking his nose in the process.
OP goes on to say that the guy started yelling at her but that, panicked, she just wanted to get out of there, so she got in her car and made a speedy getaway. While her friends expressed polarized opinions on what happened, she turned to Reddit to ask if she was a jerk for how she handled the situation.
The woman says that she was wearing a dress, since it was hot that day, but that’s no excuse for the man’s lecherous advances. But what does the law say about her decisive action?
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
According to the FindLaw website, self-defense is using force or violence to protect oneself, or a third person, from imminent harm. In other words, the victim reasonably believes they are in immediate danger of imminent death, bodily injury, or serious bodily harm.
Self-defense law is more complicated than you might think. To deal with the many circumstances under which self-defense occurs, states have created rules to determine instances when self-defense is permitted. These rules also define how much force a victim can use to protect themselves.
To determine whether or not self-defense is justified, certain legal questions need to be asked and answered. For instance, was the threat imminent? Was the fear of harm reasonable? Was it a proportional response, and was there a duty to retreat before taking self-defensive action?
Stand-your-ground laws are unique in the fact that they don’t require the person in danger to retreat before they take defensive (and even lethal) action against the attacker.
On the RightToBe website, community organizer and activist Jessica Raven says, "We live with the threat that 1 in 5 women will be assaulted in her lifetime. We all experience harassment on a daily basis, afraid that our action or inaction will escalate the situation to a more severe form of gender-based violence."
The site goes on to say that there is no "right" or "perfect" response to harassment, because there's no "right" way to respond to something you didn't want in the first place. The site suggests reclaiming your space by setting the boundary, but only if you feel safe to do so. Let the person harassing you know exactly what you want them to do and why. Make eye contact and criticize their behavior with a firm tone of voice.
You could also engage bystanders - people typically understand that harassment is not OK and will want to help you out. Loudly announce what the person harassing you did or said, and don't be shy to ask to be escorted to the nearest place of safety. If you can, try to enlist the help of a security guard, if there's one around.
Then there's always documenting the situation. Your phone is your best friend, so, if you feel safe doing so, whip it out and start filming your harasser. If you can film them in action, you can even upload it to social media to name and shame them. You'll also have evidence if harassment turns to something more serious, like stalking, and you need to get the law involved.
Bored Panda caught up with OP to ask her a few questions. When we asked her whether or not she was surprised to see her post get so much attention, she had this to say, "Absolutely, it came to me as quite the shock considering most of my posts do NOT blow up like this."
We asked OP what urged her to share her story with the Reddit community and she responded by saying that she felt the need to share her story because she wanted other women out there who have experienced the same thing, or something similar, to not feel alone.
Finally, we asked her if there'd been any developments since she first posted her story and she had this to share, "I did contact the police after the incident, gave them a description of the man and said the location, but they told me that there was very little they can do other than look for the man, but they never did find him."
What would you have done if you’d been in OP’s shoes? Do you think she was within her rights to lash out? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
Redditors in the comments applauded the woman for her bravery and decisive action, but some agreed the man probably still hasn’t learnt his lesson
Image credits: artursafronovvvv / Freepik (not the actual photo)
