Your family is meant to have your back. The sad reality is, however, that some people are toxic and simply can’t be trusted, even if they’re your relatives. They’ll put their needs above yours and will make you feel guilty for even thinking of having boundaries.
One man, u/TorontoMapleLeafs3, vented online about how his older brother cheated with his first wife. Then, when the man wanted to get married a second time, his parents secretly invited his brother to the wedding behind his back. However, he wasn’t going to stand for it. Scroll down to read all about how the family drama developed, and to see the mixed reactions the internet had.
It seems impossible to forgive a sibling who had an affair with your spouse
Image credits: freepic.diller / freepik (not the actual photo)
This man shared how he decided to expose what his older brother did to him at his second wedding. His move infuriated his parents
Image credits: Francesco Corbisiero / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: TorontoMapleLeafs3
Some individuals who learn their partner has been unfaithful to them end up developing anxiety disorders
Being cheated on can be incredibly emotionally painful, as anyone who has been the victim of their partner’s infidelity is likely to tell you. However, in some cases, the person’s reaction to the affair can be so devastating that they can develop what’s known as post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD), an anxiety disorder.
Based on the findings of one recent study, anywhere between 30% to 60% of people who have been cheated on experience symptoms of anxiety, depression, and PTSD after finding out that their significant other has been unfaithful to them.
The individual may also experience ongoing stress, anger, nightmares, rumination, crying spells, avoidance, trust issues, hypervigilance, numbness, trauma recall, and relationship difficulties.
Meanwhile, Verywell Mind stresses that romantic partner betrayal is considered a form of interpersonal trauma.
Furthermore, a lack of support from your family and friends during difficult times can feel like betrayal, too. Especially if you have previously always been there to support them when they needed it.
Someone who experiences betrayal can feel vulnerable, lash out at others in anger, blame themselves, lose confidence, and withdraw from everyone. Moreover, betrayal trauma can also affect your self-esteem, lead to greater distrust in relationships, and cause mental health challenges.
Being betrayed by your significant other, relative, or friend can leave you distrustful of others and dealing with damaged self-esteem
Image credits: Ahmet Kurt / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Betrayal by your relatives can be incredibly painful, too, considering that family love is meant to be the foundation for your secure attachments. Children who don’t get enough nurturing at home and suffer betrayal trauma can suffer long-term damage, have fewer positive communications, and demonstrate more aggressive behavior.
The first step toward healing from betrayal is to acknowledge what has happened and accept it, instead of denying it. “Sit with your feelings. Feeling anger, disappointment, shame, or emotional pain is perfectly reasonable. It’s helpful to name your emotions, too. After all, an intimate bond has been broken, so it’s valid to feel these things. After a while, though, you shouldn’t be immersed in negative feelings. That includes self-pity and regret,” Verywell Mind suggests.
Next, reflect on what your relationship was like before the betrayal, and be honest with yourself. “While what happened isn’t your fault, did you inadvertently play a role or contribute in some way? This isn’t about blaming yourself but objectively looking at the big picture. Were you both moving in different directions anyway? Take a look at what the relationship provided you with. Did it add value or remove value from your life?”
Then, think about taking a break from the relationship if you still think that it’s possible to salvage it. You can use this time to set healthier boundaries going forward.
Meanwhile, it’s important that you take the time to grieve the relationship and how it has changed, whether or not you plan to repair it or move on from it.
Throughout the healing process, remember to be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Depending on how you frame your traumatic experiences, you can end up learning from the events and growing, maturing, and becoming wiser.
What do you think, Pandas? What would you do if you found out that your partner had been cheating with a family member of yours? Would you cut your relative out of your life or leave some space to reconcile with them in the future? And would you ever consider inviting them to your next wedding? Feel free to share your honest opinions in the comments below.
A couple of netizens asked the author for more context
The internet had many different opinions about what happened. A handful of readers were supportive of the man
Some people thought that absolutely everyone was in the wrong here. Here's their take
Other folks called the man out and criticized how he handled things
