It's really nice to host your family for the holidays. Your home is full of life, you don't feel alone, and you know they didn't have to pay for hotels. Plus, in exchange, they often help with chores and might also run some errands for you.
However, it's also tiring. Be it unresolved issues from the past or some new disagreements, having family stay at your place for a longer period of time can seriously test your patience.
One woman, for example, said on Reddit that she welcomed her in-laws for about a month, but after having had to listen to her SIL's constant complaints, she lost her cool and suggested they stay in a hotel. This quickly escalated into a pretty bad argument.
If a person welcomes you to their home, one of the most disrespectful things you can do is complain
Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual photo)
But this woman heard nothing but complaints from her sister-in-law when she came to visit
Image credits: Cedric Fauntleroy (not the actual photo)
The SIL didn't like that the Wi-Fi was bad and the couch was uncomfortable, and those things were just the tip of the iceberg
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Eventually, the host explained that if she continued complaining about everything, she should just leave
Image credits: u/No_Room_1557
It felt like a lose-lose situation
A few days ago, a Reddit user shared her story online, asking community members if she was being a jerk for telling her brother’s wife that she was welcome to get a hotel room if she was going to keep complaining about everything in her house. The post received a lot of attention and collected over 7.6K upvotes and almost 2K comments.
The original poster (OP) begins her story by sharing that she welcomed her brother’s family to stay with her. But as she is a nurse, sometimes she has to work late hours. One night, she came back home at 2 a.m. and tried to be as silent as possible, but the following morning, she received a complaint from her SIL that she had been loud and woke her up.
OP notes that the brother's wife has been complaining about literally everything, from the Wi-Fi and couch to the shape of fruit forks. However, the last straw was when her SIL said that she should get a regular stove, as it makes it hard for guests to stay at her house. After that, OP simply suggested getting a hotel if she was just going to keep complaining about everything.
The woman’s brother was notified about the whole situation and conversation and emphasized that he couldn’t afford a hotel or Airbnb for weeks, but now his wife didn’t want to stay at her place.
Community members discussed that OP was not in the wrong in this situation, and that the brother's wife needs to understand boundaries and that she can’t afford to be rude to people who are hosting her. “You are coming home from work as a nurse. Minimum expectations are to be polite and courteous as guests,” one user wrote. “Going home after work should not be draining. She's being made to feel unwelcome in her own home,” another added.
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
“Kudos to the sister for graciously opening her home to her brother’s family for a month—a grand gesture that sounds like it was a huge help,” Jennifer A. Williams, the founder of Heartmanity and a relationship strategist, told Bored Panda. “However, opening our home to relatives and being generous without guidelines to care for ourselves creates a perfect storm for misunderstanding.”
Jennifer emphasized that, ahead of time, it’s much easier to set loving boundaries and get agreement from all parties by considering everyone’s needs. Thus, if the family could have discussed the arrangement, Alex and Rachel would have been alerted to the host’s odd working hours and perhaps arranged a different sleeping situation.
Also, they should have had a greater appreciation for what a stretch the host made to have them for an entire month. “Perhaps the brother’s family would naturally volunteer to handle the meals and lighten the load in exchange for the free lodging,” Jennifer notes. “But it sounds like that step was skipped! Ouch.”
Obviously, the relationship strategist notes that hearing constant complaints and being bombarded with negativity is rarely appreciated, but understanding both sides paves the way to a better experience for all.
“Rachel’s critical behavior is easy to judge, but we must not overlook the experience through her eyes,” says Jennifer. “Complaining can be a short-term stress relief. Even though Rachel’s complaints sound excessive, she could be acting out due to her discomfort. Perhaps she viewed their stay as an imposition and was against the idea from the beginning.”
Now, many would say that that’s all the more reason to be cordial and appreciative, and that is true, but according to Jennifer, when a person feels big, uncomfortable emotions, they can be difficult to regulate. “Sometimes, those feelings launch in unexpected ways, such as being hyper-critical. And no, understanding behavior does not justify disrespect. That’s where the host needed to let Rachel know her impact and set kinder mini-boundaries along the way, preferably before she strongly suggested they find a hotel.”
So, to sum it up, Jennifer says that no matter how much we love our family, working through the ‘messy’ interactions to find peace with each other is crucial. And what do you think about this story? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
People who read the story backed the woman up and said she didn't do anything wrong
