It feels good welcoming your family to stay at your house for the holiday season. Your home looks fuller, you don’t feel alone and people don’t need to pay for hotels and, in exchange, usually help with the household chores. However, sometimes having family staying at your house for a longer period of time may actually be more exhausting than nice, if, for example, they continuously complain.
Well, one Reddit user found herself in a similar situation. She welcomed her brother’s family to stay for about a month, but after hearing constant complaints about literally everything from her SIL regarding her house, she lost her cool and suggested staying in a hotel if everything is bad at her place.
More info: Reddit
If a person welcomes you to their home, one of the most disrespectful things you can do is complain
Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual photo)
This woman welcomed her brother’s family to stay at her house, but a few days in, she came back late from work and got a complaint from her SIL that she woke her up
Image credits: Cedric Fauntleroy (not the actual photo)
She also complained about literally everything - that she woke up when somebody walked on the stairs, that the wifi was bad, couch was uncomfortable or fruits were terrible
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
However, after the SIL’s remark that the house is difficult for guests, the woman simply explained that if she’s going to complain about everything, they should just get a hotel
Image credits: u/No_Room_1557
The woman's brother said that he was put in a tight spot, as he can’t afford a hotel but his wife doesn’t want to stay with her anymore
A few days ago, a Reddit user shared her story online asking community members if she was being a jerk for telling her brother’s wife that she is welcome to get a hotel room if she’s going to keep complaining about everything in her house. The post received a lot of attention and collected over 7.6K upvotes and almost 2K comments.
The original poster (OP) begins her story by sharing that she welcomed her brother’s family to stay with her. But as she is a nurse, sometimes she has to work late hours. One night she came back home at 2 am and tried to be as silent as possible, but the following morning received a complaint from her SIL that she was being loud and woke her up.
OP notes that the brother's wife has been complaining about literally everything starting from the wi-fi, couch and finishing with the shape of forks of fruits. However, the last straw was when her SIL said that she should get a regular stove, as it makes it hard for guests to stay at her house. Well, after that, OP simply suggested getting a hotel if she’s just going to keep complaining about everything.
The woman’s brother was notified about this whole situation and conversation and emphasized that he can’t afford a hotel or Airbnb for weeks, but now his wife doesn’t want to stay at her place.
Community members discussed that OP was not in the wrong in this situation and that the brother's wife needs to understand boundaries and that she can’t afford to be rude to people who are hosting them. “You are coming home from work as a nurse. Minimum expectations are to be polite and courteous as guests,” one user wrote. “Going home after work should not be draining. She's being made to feel unwelcome in her own home,” another added.
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
“Kudos to the sister for graciously opening her home to her brother’s family for a month—a grand gesture that sounds like it was a huge help,” Jennifer A. Williams, who is the founder of Heartmanity and relationship strategist, told Bored Panda. “However, opening our home to relatives and being generous without guidelines to care for ourselves creates a perfect storm for misunderstanding.”
Jennifer emphasized that ahead of time it’s much easier to set loving boundaries and get agreement from all parties by considering everyone’s needs. Thus if the family could have discussed the arrangement, Alex and Rachel would have been alerted of the host’s odd working hours and perhaps arranged a different sleeping situation.
Also, they should have also had a greater appreciation for what a stretch the host made to have them for an entire month. “Perhaps the brother’s family would naturally volunteer to handle the meals and lighten the load in exchange for the free lodging,” Jennifer notes. “But it sounds like that step was skipped! Ouch.”
Obviously, the relationship strategist notes that hearing constant complaints and being bombarded with negativity is rarely appreciated, but understanding both sides paves the way to a better experience for all.
“Rachel’s critical behavior is easy to judge but we must not overlook the experience through her eyes,” says Jennifer. “Complaining can be a short-term stress relief. Even though Rachel’s complaints sound excessive, she could be acting out due to her discomfort. Perhaps she viewed their stay as an imposition and was against the idea from the beginning.”
Now, many would say that ‘that’s all the more reason to be cordial and appreciative’, and that is true, but according to Jennifer, when a person feels big, uncomfortable emotions, they can be difficult to regulate. “Sometimes, those feelings launch in unexpected ways, such as being hyper-critical. And no, understanding behavior does not justify disrespect. That’s where the host needed to let Rachel know her impact and set kinder mini-boundaries along the way, preferably before she strongly suggested they find a hotel.”
So long story short, as Jennifer says, no matter how much we love our family, working though the ‘messy’ interactions to find peace with each other is critical. And what do you think about this story? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors backed the woman up and noted that she has been very welcoming
