Many people see the holidays as a time of giving, sometimes even to people they don’t know.
Take this redditor, for instance. Out of the kindness of her heart, she decided to help a woman who was looking for gifts for her children in a local moms’ group. The OP helped her for two years in a row, but after the second holiday season, she learned something about the woman that made her feel like a total fool and consider never helping a stranger again. Scroll down to find the full story in the OP’s own words below.
Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with the OP herself and with psychotherapist and psychoanalyst F. Diane Barth, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions.
The holidays can be a difficult time for struggling families
Image credits: gin akyurt/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
This woman decided to help a mom in need by buying gifts for her children
Image credits: Aninge Fetzer/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: poppurplepuff
The OP told Bored Panda that the woman asked for nothing for herself or her husband
Talking to Bored Panda about why she decided to help the woman in need, the OP shared that the woman reached out to a local moms’ group on Facebook, sounding desperate and asking for nothing for herself or her husband. “She only asked for [things for] her daughter. And I was upset to read that other moms were posting such mean comments to her. Things like she should've saved better over the year, or that she should just shop at the local consignment shops if she was so desperate. No one offered to help, and I thought it was just horrible to put down someone like that,” the redditor recalled.
The woman continued to share that she didn’t care much about the fellow mom wanting to become an influencer; however, the picture she painted made the OP feel duped. “I have nothing against people trying to chase after their dreams, but through our messages, she painted the picture that she had to quit her job, sell her car, and care for her two kids.
“She said she couldn't even go shopping for deals because she knew she couldn't afford anything for her daughters, not even things from the resale shops. She also told me, after I bought the gifts, that she felt so blessed to have found someone who was willing to help her because the few gifts I got were all the kids would be getting for Christmas. And then her TikTok is full of expensive stuff like designer bags and things for herself – things that cost way more than the total I spent on gifts for her kids,” the OP said.
Many people tend to help others and engage in acts of kindness during the holiday season
Image credits: Roxana Zerni/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Some say that no good deed goes unpunished, which many people, including the OP, have experienced firsthand; while hers didn’t result in a punishment per se, the experience of feeling foolish is not something to relish, either. Unsurprisingly, such situations can deter people from doing something nice for others ever again, and understandably so.
But for many people, the holiday season is a time of giving back and helping those around them. A survey carried out by Upgraded Points found that in 2024, many Americans were planning on spreading the holiday cheer beyond their homes. One of the ways to do that, donations, were expected to reach a national average of close to $100 US dollars per person.
Despite the inflation and economic uncertainty, close to half of respondents were planning to donate a similar amount as they did last year. Just over half of them, though, were not looking to support someone with money, as they preferred donating tangible items instead.
According to the survey, nearly one-in-four respondents tend to donate more during the holiday season, compared to the rest of the year. The main motivating forces behind that – the spirit of the holidays, followed by a personal connection to a certain cause.
“It is always a good idea to have an idea about who you are giving the gift to,” expert says
Image credits:Kateryna Hliznitsova/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
While acts of kindness, such as donations, can make the recipient’s life just a little bit better or easier, they can also have a positive effect on the good-doer themselves. According to the Mayo Clinic, showing kindness to others can increase a person’s level of self-esteem, empathy, and compassion, as well as improve their mood. It is also believed to decrease blood pressure and levels of the stress hormone, cortisol.
According to psychotherapist and psychoanalyst F. Diane Barth, many people enjoy gift-giving because it makes them feel good about themselves; they feel generous, good, kind, and caring. But talking about it with Bored Panda, the expert emphasized that it’s important to let go of any ideas of what the person might do with the gift after it falls into their hands.
“It’s important to recognize that when you give a gift, you are doing it because it makes you feel good to do it. If you give a gift freely, what the other person does with your gift, or their reasons for getting the gift from you, is not your business,” she said.
“Of course, it is always a good idea to have an idea about who you are giving the gift to, and what they will do with it if you want to make sure that your generosity is valued,” the expert continued. “But in a way, making sure about what the receiver is going to do with your gift changes it from a gift to a transaction, in that they have to give you something back – a sense of satisfaction, or a knowledge that you gave to someone who needs your gift and will use it well.”
For those fearing that their gifts or donations will not benefit those they’d like them to, it might be a good idea to choose a trusted organization, for instance, and support it, which, in turn, will support the people in need.
“I think it’s not a bad thing to be careful about giving something freely,” Barth said. “In New York City, where I live, there are many people begging for money on the street. Some of them might use the money to buy food, as they say, but others might use it for drugs and alcohol. I prefer to give money to an organization that provides care and support for street people than to individuals asking for it. That doesn’t necessarily mean that it will be well-used, but I feel like it’s less likely to go to support a drug or alcohol habit.”
The OP shared that knowing people who knew the woman asking for help made her more trusting. “Having mutual acquaintances really did make me feel like this wasn't going to be a scam or anything. When you donate anonymously, you sometimes have doubts that the intended recipient will actually get what you bought them. But because this woman lived in my community and was known by people I worked with and trusted, I thought it was all good.”
It’s understandable why some people might not be eager to engage in good-doing, if they’ve been mistreated or taken advantage of. The OP, too, shared that seeing the lifestyle the mom asking for help was leading made her reevaluate her decisions regarding helping others. But fellow netizens in the comments encouraged her not to stop spreading kindness, and some even used their personal stories to tell her why.
The woman provided fellow netizens with more information on the situation
People shared their thoughts and suggestions in the comments
Quite a few netizens seemed to have gone through a similar situation themselves
