When your relationship is still developing, you don’t want to think about its demise. It’s often uncomfortable even on “what if” terms.
This Reddit user, for example, was thinking about every possibility the future held for him, and after his girlfriend got pregnant, they started talking about marriage.
However, the discussions pretty much stopped when he presented her with a detailed prenup.
Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with Associate Professor at the Department of Psychology at Michigan State University, William Chopik, who explained to us why and how these contracts are set up, and how they might affect a relationship.
The prospect of signing a prenuptial agreement before marriage tends to evoke strong reactions
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This couple didn’t see eye to eye in regards to the prenup, and it has led to some very hard decisions
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Image credits: prethrowaway9
Money-related matters are a common cause for arguments among partners
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Signing a prenup seems to be a somewhat controversial matter; while some see it as a rational step to take, others deem it a sign of distrust or lack of commitment in a relationship. The mixed feelings said document entails are often accompanied by certain fears, too.
“A lot of the fears and struggles involve getting over the idea that their marriage or relationship might end someday. So that can be a bit of a barrier and something that most people don't want to think about,” Associate Professor at the Department of Psychology at Michigan State University, William Chopik told Bored Panda in a recent interview.
“In general, even talking about mundane money issues is something people avoid. One issue is that how people spend and save money can be seen as an indictment on them as a person or what they think about a relationship. If your partner spends a lot of money, are they seen as irresponsible? If they save too much, are they seen as stuck-up and too conservative or controlled?
“There's even some work on couples merging finances and bank accounts, which is often seen as an indicator that a relationship is going well. So, talking about money can be aversive, even among couples who are doing well,” he added.
The expert in psychology continued to point out that there seems to be additional stress coming from acknowledging that a relationship might not last forever, and signing a prenup in a way means actively planning for that in the present.
“Of course, having discussions about who is owed what in a future hypothetical scenario might bring into mind issues about trust—or lack thereof—or whether people view the relationship as more transactional or freely giving,” Chopik pointed out.
Nowadays, more engaged individuals—millennials in particular—seek to protect their assets before getting married by signing prenups. A 2023 survey conducted for Axios found that roughly half of US adults said that they at least somewhat supported the use of prenups (marking an increase from 42% the year before); however, only roughly one-in-five married couples had a prenuptial agreement.
Some important questions ought to be discussed before tying the knot, despite it being difficult or uncomfortable to do
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Chopik pointed out that money is one of the most common and consequential things that people fight about. “Couples tend to fight about how money is spent—specifically who has control and if it's perceived as ‘fair’ for each person,” he said.
“Naturally, conflicts can arise if there's a disagreement over what is considered fair and discussions about money can create a lot of stress and anxiety. It's one of the reasons why people avoid talking about money at all.”
But discussing certain difficult matters before tying the knot is crucial, despite it often being difficult to do. “The hope is that the relationship is built on a foundation where communicating about sensitive topics can be done in a healthy and open way that's built on trust and understanding,” Chopik said.
According to the expert, in general, money—how to spend it, how to save it, how to share it, and eventually how to split it—does speak a bit to who we are, who our partners are, and a little about our relationship, too.
He believes that settling issues of compatibility early on, before people are formally married, is important and couples shouldn't encounter these problems for the first time when they sit down to discuss a prenup. “The hope is that couples can talk about their financial future together in a non-threatening way that seems fair to all parties,” he told Bored Panda.
Fellow netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, their views on the matter differed
After a little bit of time and consideration, the guy came back with an update to the situation
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Image credits: prethrowaway9
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