I've been so much overwhelmed by the scenes in Gladiator movie with Russel Crowe as the gladiator. I am only an ordinary person, a female at very mature age. With the approaching old age I see that I am facing some challenges and began to fear about how I will survive. And then I recall the gladiator in that movie, Maximus. And without too much exageration I feel that being alone in the arena like Maximus must be scary but at the same time might also raise a high spirit of struggle for survival. I can only describe how he was feeling from his expression and the chilling ground of the arena where on the sides of it the beasts will be let out and jump at him. I don't expect myself to be literally in such circumstances but I am feeling such fears that figuratively a beast will jump at me and kill me.
The beasts or the enemies that I will be facing are my situation of being jobless, deserted by my family, living in poverty, and attacked by diseases. There is a background about the last enemy on the list. It was the dangerous diseases that have killed my parents, my younger brothers and a sister. To sum up these, they had cancers, down syndrome and ALS. And those conditions had brought them out of work, and become a harrowing sights that keep haunting me.
Now I actually answering my own question above. I put myself in the position of a gladiator, who in my opinion is actually being on a great test of strength, courage and fighting skill. And all his qualities do not guarantee that he will pass the test,come out of his turmoil as the triumphant winner. The good thing when I was watching the movie wasI felt sure that Maximus would survive because he should and created that way by the film director.
Now being a " gladiator " myself I sometimes have no faith in myself and people around me, even in my family. I almost believe that I will be deserted and left alone facing my " enemies".So I see how being alone to fight for his life is what a gladiator situation over there in the arena, which is what I am going to be too in reality. There will be one thing to do in the arena, to fight for survival fiercely or he will perish. There will be only two results, to live or to die. Actually the thing that brought me to imagine myself like a gladiator was I had fought the life of those people that I loved. I fought to get them best medical treatments and expected them not to be defeated by those cruel and overpowering sicknesses. With those problems I could not focus on my works. I even quit my jobs and chose to care for them.I couldn't get the jobs back and I tried to get new ones,which I am doing now.How about other members of my family ?. They always have good reasons not to be involved in the day-to-day struggles for survival of my unfortunate parents, brothers and sister. So I was left alone.
But being a " gladiator" has raised a great spirit in me now that I am alone and after they passed away I am fighting for my own survival. Like Maximus who went forward to the arena to defend his wife and son, and to uphold his dignity so will I go onward and decide to keep going. Oh of course I never forget that I have friends who have supported me and have been there in times of trouble. Like Maximus who also has supporters up there around the tribunes. The difference is that my friends are hailing me to keep up my spirit from a distance and they did not witness my acts. Making this impossible comparison of myself to a gladiator, funny, weird or not had given me a good spirit. Now I think that it seems being alone is not the end of the world. I hope for suggestions so I will be able to write better. Thank you