Sometimes, when looking at their partner’s behavior, one might assume they have seen everything only to get proven wrong later on. This is when a person has to find the strength to “take it easy” for the sake of their own well-being - not giving more of one’s attention than necessary to a person like this and thus avoiding the mistake "of paying attention to the wrong people”, which Henry Cloud called one of the most expensive things a person can do. This seems to have been the response of this Redditor, who tried to keep it civil with her ex until he asked her to be a surrogate mother of three children for him and the woman he cheated with.
More info: Reddit
A mom seeks full custody of her child after her ex insists she carry the babies of the woman he cheated with
Image credits: Volker Thimm (not the actual photo)
The woman's partner disappeared to his affair partner's house just when she was giving birth to their daughter
Image credits: NoAppearance8153
Image credits: Tatiana Syrikova (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NoAppearance8153
The woman moved in with her parents while her ex got engaged to the woman he cheated with and now has two kids
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The couple recently asked the woman to be a surrogate for another 3 children of theirs
Image credits: NoAppearance8153
The woman laughed and asked whether they were joking, which made the man's fiancée burst into tears
Image credits: João Pedro Lisboa (not the actual photo)
The couple's family accused the woman of being a jerk, in addition to his fiancée calling her "heartless" on social media
A woman brought it to Reddit when she was presented with an unexpected request and was asking if it was too harsh of her to laugh in the couple’s faces. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves and go back to the beginning.
The woman started dating her ex not long after she finished high school, moved in together after college, and fell pregnant with their daughter two years after moving in together.
While they were both excited about it and she was thrilled that they were going to become a little family, it all turned out differently than she had expected, as during labor her boyfriend was nowhere to be found and after she gave birth, she was notified by a mutual friend that the man was at his affair partner’s house.
She was shocked, but fortunately, her mother was there to calm her down. The woman packed her things and moved in with her parents.
She got over the past events and has been co-parenting her daughter with her ex, who got engaged to the woman he cheated with and had two children. However, the couple found out just recently that the fiancée wouldn’t be able to conceive more children, which made them crushed.
The couple then approached the woman, meeting at a café, and after saying they were “just going to come out and say it”, they presented their request for her to be their surrogate for three more children for them, as they wanted to have “at least five”.
The woman was shocked, she laughed and asked whether it was a joke, to which they confirmed they were “dead serious”. The woman couldn’t stop laughing at the audacity to ask such a thing from her, which made the fiancée burst into tears, call her names and eventually storm off, while her ex said this is why they “didn’t work”.
The woman blocked the couple's family and has started the process of getting full custody of her daughter
Image credits: Nikita Nikitin (not the actual photo)
The woman also shared online every relevant message she got since being cheated on and tagged the couple
The woman replied that they “didn’t work” because he was a cheating scumbag. However, as soon as she got home, she was bombarded by the couple and their extended family with texts calling her a jerk, while the ex’s fiancée even made posts on social media calling her heartless.
The woman made an update, continuing that after taking her time to process the events and reading through feedback from people online, she came to a decision to seek full custody of her child, due to her daughter’s father being neglectful towards her. She added that she also posted every relevant text from since she got cheated on and tagged the couple.
In his article One of the Most Expensive Things You Can Do Is Pay Attention to the Wrong People, Yashar Kafi discussed the importance of choosing one’s peers right, noting that it is easy to underestimate how much impact friendships, romantic relationships, and even business partnerships have on a person’s life.
He listed three main characteristics in one’s partner that might help to determine whether a relationship is worth their investment and three main red flags that might suggest you “should run”.
The positive characteristics included empathy - the ability to understand and sympathize with someone else’s feelings, without which no real connection and warmth is possible; healthy communication, as there is no way of knowing what the other person needs or wants in a relationship without it being properly conveyed in a healthy way; and finally, commitment. Kafi noted that it is worth asking yourself whether a friend or partner is just biding their time in the relationship until something better comes along and is not really invested enough to not bail at the first sign of difficulties, noting that while trust is crucial for any relationship, trusting such a person is nearly impossible and also unwise!
On the flip side, Kafi listed three relationship red flags, which included dishonesty, lack of respect, and selfishness. When it comes to dishonesty, he suggested simply to face the fact that lies are toxic - while small untruths might seem harmless initially, they have a tendency to spread quickly and prevent the possibility to build anything firm on such a shifty foundation in addition to poisoning the relationship.
Lack of respect was another red flag pointed out by Kafi, as the person who is not being respected will always feel slighted, which leads to resentment and constant conflict in a person with healthy self-worth.
Finally, Kafi discussed selfishness, noting that when one’s partner is completely consumed with themselves, there simply isn’t room in the relationship for much else than their ego, therefore entering into such a relationship more often than not only leads to disappointment and giving far more than receiving.
Redditors shared their takes on the situation
