Woman Steals Sister’s Baby Names For Her Own Kids, Is Upset Daughter Legally Changes Hers

There are numerous criteria parents consider when choosing a name for their child. Some focus on the way the names sound, while others are more interested in their meanings.

Reddit user Worthless-Ferret, however, got hers because of her mother's desire to get back at her own sister—it was meant as a dig at her cousin.

So, unsurprisingly, she eventually decided to change it. But that, among many other things, didn't sit well with her mom, who threatened to cut the girl out of her life if she did.

"One of the most durable ways in which names have been used to mold identity and to advertise kinship and group membership is naming a child after a parent or other relative—usually referred to as namesaking," says Frank McAndrew, Ph.D., who is the Cornelia H. Dudley Professor of Psychology at Knox College.

"It has been suggested that the desire to have children may be an attempt to symbolically extend one's own life into the future, and there is evidence that people who are forced to think about their own mortality not only express a stronger desire for children but are also more likely to express a desire to name future offspring after themselves."

According to McAndrew, the few things that we know about namesaking are that boys are namesaked more often than girls and that naming kids after someone on the father's side of the family is more common than after the mother's side, especially for boys. Middle names are the most frequent method of namesaking, and first-born males are the children who are most likely to be namesaked. Curiously, adopted children are more likely to be namesaked than non-adopted kids.

However, reducing such a big part of your child's identity to a petty revenge act is a decision that's bound to backfire.

Advocates for the estranged have begun a concerted effort to normalize it. Getting rid of the stigma, they argue, will allow more people to get out of toxic relationships without shame. There is relatively little data on the subject, but some psychologists cite anecdotal evidence that an increasing number of young people are going no contact with their parents. Others think that we're simply becoming more transparent about it.

Becca Bland, who founded a nonprofit estrangement group called Stand Alone, told The New Yorker that society tends to promote the message that "it's good for people to have a family at all costs," when, in fact, "it can be much healthier for people to have a life beyond their family relationships, and find a new sense of family with friends or peer groups."

But Bland has also noticed a generational divide. Older people often have a sense of duty when it comes to family, and this means that "they won't break relationships even if they find them very dysfunctional."

However, estrangement doesn't have to be forever, and parents who want to reconcile with an estranged child are often asked to write an "amends" letter to show if a dialogue might be opened. The letter might acknowledge mistakes and note, "I know that you wouldn't have cut off contact unless it was the healthiest thing for you to do." When Bland brings estranged adult children and their parents back into conversation, it "can be very powerful for them," she said, and many do find the courage to express what they've needed and wanted to say for a long time. Sadly, this case wasn't it.