Everyone can pretty much choose what they care about and how much they care about it. However, someone who consistently does not care about people close to them shouldn't be surprised when these people stop caring about them as well.
Similarly, one might prioritize an easy-going life or certain material things; however, surprisingly, for this Redditor’s ex, at least, even these things cannot be maintained without at least a bare minimum of effort from one’s side.
More info: Reddit
A man got full custody and took care of their child; his ex, however, had trouble taking care of her car
Image credits: We The Happy People (not the actual photo)
By 18 months, the child was very bonded with his father, contrary to his absent mother
Image credits: Thepatrone36
Image credits: Kristoffer Trolle (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Thepatrone36
The child's mother kept cheating on her husband until he finally walked in on her in his flat and filed for a divorce
Image credits: Ivan Radic (not the actual photo)
It took two years of legal wrangling, but the father got full custody of his son, while his ex got to keep the car
This man shared his story in which after his child’s birth, he was the only one taking care of the baby, while what his wife seemed to prioritize at that point, as well as later on in their relationship, was to keep meeting other people behind her partner's back.
Her boyfriend’s hopes to make their relationship work as they moved to another state for work were shattered, as his girlfriend quickly found a new boyfriend and proceeded to live according to her carefree lifestyle.
Her boyfriend, on the other hand, no longer cared for his girlfriend either. And by the time his baby reached 18 months old, it was clear that while he was very bonded with his father, even the baby didn’t seem to care much about his absent mother.
It seems quite natural that such a relationship was destined to end, so such a day had to come when the man came home from a trip and could not find his kid. Instead, there they were - his girlfriend and another man in their flat.
The only thing he asked of the other guy was not to meet in their flat and stay away from his beer. Well, the man moved out the next day anyway, filing for divorce on the third day. He finally got full custody of their child after two years of legal wrangling, gladly leaving his ex a car he bought her.
However, apparently the child's mother wasn’t responsible enough to keep it, as the man started getting calls a few months later about the payments for the car. He got asked to help the credit company locate his ex, which he was happy to do, and received her very angry call 3 hours later as she got her car repo’d and towed.
In a few months, the man was questioned about his wife's location due to unpaid bills, which he was happy to share
Image credits: RL GNZLZ (not the actual photo)
The man received a very angry call from his ex-wife 3 hours later as she got her car repo'd and towed
In their study A Qualitative Study of the Meaning of Fatherhood Among Young Urban Fathers four researchers interviewed young fathers and expectant fathers, asking what they thought to be the characteristics of a good father and found the overriding theme of availability.
The interviewed young men thought the main quality of a good father was being available to one’s child when the child needed them. They also mentioned it to be their goal which they wished to achieve with their own children, as well as their criterion for evaluating their own fathers.
When asked about what they liked about being fathers, the interviewees pointed out the joy and happiness that fatherhood brought them. One interviewee shared his experience having a child: “My son’s smile, he makes me laugh. Everything, man. Just waking up in the morning and seeing him. He looks up to me, even though he’s only 7 months old, he’s always looking for me.”
When asked about the difficulties of being a young father, interviewees listed the burden of responsibility, especially when it comes to finances and childcare issues, like getting up at night and caring for the infant when the baby is sick. Finally, some listed their relationship with the child’s mother to be challenging.
Researchers suggest that while historically the majority of attention regarding childcare in families has been focused on maternal/child health, the desire and importance of being a good father that young fathers and young expectant fathers expressed in this study suggest a possible move toward care that is parent/child-centered. According to scholars, such a shift should not diminish support for mothers and children, but complement and enhance it.
They emphasize that parental involvement has been shown to improve children’s behavior and development, and list various studies suggesting that helping young fathers financially and otherwise to become involved in their children’s lives may result in more effective family dynamics.
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