Infidelity in many cases means breakup or divorce. In fact, Psych Central notes that cheating is one of the main causes that lead couples to divorce. However, every couple is different and while for some it may be the end of the relationship, other couples fight through it and, with the help of marriage counseling, stay together and regain each other’s trust.
One Reddit user was also in a relationship like this, where after his drunken fling, his wife forgave him. Well, only for him to find out that his wife is now cheating on him. In addition to this, she shared that it’s okay as he was the one to set the precedent for allowing infidelity.
More info: Reddit
Acting like a victim after cheating on your partner first is not the best look
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Man shares that he cheated on his wife 3 years ago in a drunken fling
Image credits: Olha Ruskykh (not the actual photo)
He adds that she forgave him, but not long ago, when she was in the shower, he went through her phone and found out she was cheating on him
Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
He confronted her but she just said that it’s okay because he was the first one who cheated
Image credits: u/Odd-Bug-329
After a few days she told him that it’s over and he decided to track her location to find out who she was cheating with
A Reddit user shared his story to one of the communities where netizens can simply get their personal things off their chests. He shares that he cheated on his wife and now she is cheating on him. He adds that he feels that he deserves this, but at the same time, is confused as to what he should do. His post received a lot of attention and collected more than 9.7K upvotes and 5.3K comments.
So, to begin with, the man admits that 3 years ago, he cheated on his wife in a drunken fling. His wife forgave him with the help of marriage counseling, and everything was going well, or so he thought. One day, he decided to go through his wife’s phone and found out that she was cheating on him. He asked his wife about it and she simply explained that it’s okay because he was the one who cheated first on her and set the precedent for allowing infidelity.
OP highlighted that he cheated only once and his wife has a relationship with this guy. After this, his wife left and he hasn’t seen her for a few days. He shares that he feels like he deserves it, but also wants his wife back. In addition to this, OP managed to track her location and identify the person with whom his wife is cheating on him.
Moreover, the author added a few more posts as an update, where he shares that he went to his wife’s HR team with the proof of her cheating with the coworker. So as it turns out, his wife lost her job, lost a new ‘boyfriend’ and a lot of friends. After this, she wanted to talk with him, to which the man just laughed in her face and shut the door.
Well, in the last update, he shared that his wife found out about his Reddit posts because his friend - well, now ex-friend - told her. OP adds that he feels like he’s been stabbed in the back twice, first by his wife and now his friend. Community members didn’t buy this and simply shared that he cheated first and the whole situation is his fault.
“You feel betrayed?? HA. Maybe think about that the next time you have a 'one-time drunken fling',” one user wrote. “Relationship was dead as soon as you thought she forgave you. Somebody once said even if you get her back, it’ll never be the same,” another added.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda got in touch with Susan Winter, who is a relationship expert and bestselling author. She kindly agreed to share her advice for people who are on the path towards forgiveness after experiencing infidelity in their relationship, listed the common emotional impact on both partners and how couples can navigate the decision of whether to stay together or better to separate.
So to begin with, Susan shares that if you are going to move forward after infidelity, it’s important to be ready to release all resentment and desire to ‘get even’. She adds that this is exactly where the betrayed individual trips up - they may want to move on, but deep inside they are angry and resentful.
“It's very difficult for a couple to move beyond infidelity unless both make the mental and emotional decision to do so. This type of betrayal of trust leaves a deep scar that never truly disappears,” she emphasizes. Couples therapy is also a must to release anger, move towards healing and both individuals need to work as a team and commit themselves in moving forward in unity.
Now, speaking about the emotional impact after cheating, Susan notes that the most common is lack of trust. Once trust has been broken, it’s very hard to put the pieces back together. “It's like a beautiful piece of china that has a crack. That crack will always be there. You can try to glue it. You can try to pretend it's not there. But the fissure is the ever-present reminder of the betrayal that occurred,” she adds.
And finally, when couples find themselves deciding if they should stay together after infidelity or separate, the relationship expert notes that they need to ask themselves if they are more interested in preserving the unity of the family and their partnership, or if they're more interested in moving on individually.
“Some people will never ever be able to look at their partner the same way again. And if that is the truth for you, that is your truth. Others have a more objective view of the ebb and flow of a relationship over time. They understand that sexual exploration is not always emotional commitment. For those individuals who can compartmentalize the difference between sex and partnership, it may be possible to continue the relationship without the need to ‘get even,’” Susan shares.
So guys, what do you think about this story? Was this man really the victim in this situation and betrayed? Or did he cause the whole situation himself the moment he cheated on his wife? Share your comments down below!
Redditors were clear that this marriage is already over
