#1
#2
He of course went borderline psycho when he found out, even though we found out later that he was already seeing someone new yet again, even before she had told him she wanted a divorce.
#3
Most of the replies on this list actually stem from a fairly common promise, something relationship researchers call a “future-faking” tactic. According to studies, this is a common pattern in which the cheater will promise an imminent separation or divorce, leading their unaware affair partner to believe that the relationship is already coming to an end.
However, clinical data shows that fewer than 5% to 10% of people who have affairs actually leave their spouses for their affair partners. This can leave the third party holding on to the hope that the other relationship will eventually end.
#4
#5
Until he found some texts from me and suddenly she said "we have to lay low for a while." Dropped her immediately after that.
#6
Moved to another city, met this girl at work with one of those *bang!* instant connections.
She wasn't single. We met for lunch a few times, and danced around the subject, but the chemical attraction was powerful and undeniable. She helped me search for a place to live, and that was the first time we kissed.
That broke the dam, and it was a whirlwind of passion and clandestine meetings. It didn't last long but it was wild.
Another fairly common explanation (or excuse, depending on your point of view) is, again, the promise of an open marriage. Around 4% to 7% of adults in the U.S. are in an open relationship, or what experts often call a consensual non-monogamous (CNM) relationship. This can include polyamory and even swinging.
But the problem here isn't just how common open relationships are; it's the assumption. The Institute for Family Studies (IFS) actually conducted a survey that found people in open relationships might exaggerate their spouse's consent, leading the affair partner to assume that the relationship is fully consensual for everyone involved.
#7
#8
Then she came to visit shortly after, we hung out together in our larger mutual friends group…I was going to tell her, but she launched into a story about her multiple miscarriages with him. I felt like it would be terrible for her to find out her husband was cheating far from home in the middle of a friend group she didn’t know, that I would later find out almost the entirety of knew about and covered for his cheating. Pretty quickly distanced myself from everyone after that.
#9
She told another guy the same thing about me a year and a half later lmao.
#10
There were some weird things, though. I was never really at her place—we’d always end up at mine, in the car, or somewhere else. A few red flags were there, but I ignored them because the chemistry and s*x were really good.
Then she asked to switch to Snapchat, saying her kid used her phone. I agreed, not thinking much of it. What she didn’t realize was I could see her location.
One day I decided to surprise her. I showed up at her place with flowers, knocked, and a guy answered. I looked past him and saw her. She looked at me and mouthed, “ leave.”
I assumed she was cheating, so I just walked away.
That’s when it hit me.
The next day she called and explained. She was married—the guy was her husband. She said they stayed together for their kid, didn’t have s*x anymore, and had issues. I should’ve blocked her then, but she said she still wanted to see me, and I agreed.
So we kept seeing each other in secret. It was exciting at first, but eventually I pushed for the truth. She admitted she was fully married and still loved her husband. When I made her choose, she chose him.
That’s when I realized I was just the escape for her—the fun part, not the real life.
I knew there were red flags from the start, I just ignored them because I was having too much fun.
And in the end, it wasn’t worth it.
While many of the responses fully knew their new date had a partner, that isn't always the case. In fact, it's fairly common for the other person to be completely unaware; after all, modern relationships will often now begin through dating apps, where people can remain as anonymous as they want while seeking the attention they want.
In fact, a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that over 30% of men and 18% of women may hide their real relationship status, avoiding admitting that they're married or in committed relationships in order to cheat. This can leave the affair partner completely unaware, at least initially.
#11
#12
#13
Plenty of the affair partners on the list, however, were fully infatuated with the other person, to the point where they were actively seeking validation or even viewing the secrecy as a sign of intense passion. This is more of an emotional response, which studies by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) note is fairly common.
Almost half of the people who took part in the research reported having emotional affairs, in which the other person was actively filling an emotional void rather than a physical one. This can happen for many reasons, but the study also points out that the promise of a low-commitment burden for both the cheater and the affair partner can be a factor, as neither is necessarily looking to take the relationship any further.
#14
#15
This happened in college. Very regrettably, she was my good friend's girlfriend. They were on the outs because it was the world's worst kept secret that despite being with her, he was really head over heels for a girl he'd been in love with since high school.
I got a text from her one night (a bit unusual, but not enough to raise any red flags) saying "they" were out at the bar and wanted me to come join them. I wasn't doing anything, so why the hell not? I got dressed, headed to the bar, and pretty quickly found them. Only, much to my surprise, my friend wasn't with them. "Where's Chris?" I ask. She informs me that he wasn't able to make it - it was just her and some girl friends. (*Spidey Sense tingling*) Well that's ok, I figure. I'm already here, so I'll have a few drinks with them and head home.
Quite coincidentally, her friends have something come up and need to take off. Meeting someone else or some such excuse. She "feels bad" that she invited me out only to ditch me, so she tells them to go ahead - she'll hang with me for a bit then meet up with them. (*Tingling intensifies*)
So we have some drinks and chat. We're friends, and that's a thing friends do. After an hour or two, I'm ready to hang it up. We've both had several, and it's getting late. Alas, she "can't get a hold" of her friends. Adding to her misfortune, they were her ride downtown! This is before Uber/Lyft, and the taxi situation s***s, so she asks if I'd give her a ride home. (*Spidey Senses on fire*) It's not terribly far out of my way, and I can't leave my friend's girlfriend alone at a bar downtown at midnight, so despite my mild impairment, I oblige. (I know - I was young and dumb. I'm sorry.)
We pull up out front and I give the "WELP, there you go! You're welcome!" And she, I s**t you not, responds with "I'm not sure you should be driving any more with how much you've had to drink. Just come in for a few. We'll watch a show, then you can head out. (*Spidey punching me in the face*)
I object for a bit but finally relent. We go inside and there's (shockingly) nobody home. She does turn on the TV, then heads into her room "to change". I sit on the couch, knowing full well what I'm doing while trying to convince myself I'm not. After a few minutes she yells "What are you doing?!" to which I respond "Sitting on the couch - I thought we were watching something!" That was clearly not the right answer because she yells "Get in here! It's not like I'm gonna m****t you!" (*Spidey, help!*)
I walk in to find that she only got halfway through the "changing" process and had to lay down. I sit. She puts her hand on me. It's game over. (*Sorry, Spidey*).
#16
And actually, the statistics on cheating partners are pretty shocking. The University of Chicago has been conducting long-term research showing that around 20% of men and 13% of married women will engage in a physical relationship with someone else at some point in their lives.
That figure becomes even higher for men as they grow older. This can happen for many reasons, but surprisingly, financial dependency is one of them. Ego threats can often be at the root of cheating, as husbands who are financially dependent on their wives are reportedly five times more likely to have an affair.
#17
She was in a d**d bedroom marriage with a husband that did not find her attractive. She was gorgeous and I still don't know to this day what she saw in me.
#18
#19
He said his wife supported him and thats why she moved with him and their son.
He said she knew and supported him seeing men outside their marriage.
He lied obviously lol.
Silly me was just 20 years old and he was 34 and I just felt so bad for everything he went through that I thought I'd help him be more comfortable in his orientation. Felt like I was "saving" someone.
Affairs can happen for a number of reasons, and these threads offer a more human, perspective-driven look at how they can happen. But academic studies can add some much-needed context. Many of the replies suggest that the reason people gave in to a relationship with someone already in a committed partnership was none other than loneliness.
Per studies, both the cheater and the affair partner will often cite emotional withdrawal as one of the main reasons for entering an affair, along with the need for some kind of physical or emotional connection with someone else. They may turn to outside sources to find a sense of belonging and validation — instead of seeking self-validation and/or ending the relationships.
#20
