To have or not to have, that is the question! A century ago, it was assumed in most cultures that if you were married, the next step was to start a family. But nowadays, that expectation is starting to fade in many places, and some people have realized that they don’t actually have the desire to be parents.
Redditors in their thirties and forties who never had kids have recently been opening up about the realities of being childfree, so we’ve gathered some of their most insightful replies below. Whether you knew from a young age that you always wanted to be a mother or you’re on the fence about whether or not to start a family, we hope you enjoy hearing these people’s perspectives. And keep reading to find a conversation with the person who started this thread!
#1
My life is terrible, I am just glad I am not subjecting a helpless child to it. Probably the most responsible thing I have done with my life.
53points
#2
40, have never wanted children, and my life is great. I get to travel and have expensive hobbies and live in blissful silence. There has never been a single moment in my life I've regretted not having children.
50points
#3
I am 38 and quite happy that I don't have kids, I can barely take care of myself.
42points
To find out how this conversation started in the first place, we got in touch with the Reddit user who invited others to share their experiences in this thread, Meizcathooman. "I started this out of curiosity; I was just trying to see what the common perception is among Reddit users," he shared.
We also asked the author if he's interested in starting a family of his own. "I personally don't want to have kids. Although I'm just 24 right now, I still don't see my stance changing anytime soon," he noted. "There's already so many people, I don't want to contribute to this chain."
#4
I’m 39, and an American with the American healthcare and childcare systems, American political system, and American society. I can’t even f*****g imagine having a child in this country.
40points
#5
There are fewer freedoms greater than being child-free as a man. No regrets.
My life isn't great. It's a sh**show, actually. But, unlike literally all my predecessors, I wasn't stupid enough to create another life to inherit my problems.
Whatever happens ends with me.
My life isn't great. It's a sh**show, actually. But, unlike literally all my predecessors, I wasn't stupid enough to create another life to inherit my problems.
Whatever happens ends with me.
31points
#6
Love it. Kids are so difficult and I don't even like em.
30points
But the author knows how it feels to be expected to become a parent some day. "My family members definitely want me to settle down have kids and everything," he told Bored Panda. "Pressure is definitely there, and society still sees childless people with a slightly demeaning point of view."
#7
Wife and I travel every year, we're both in our early 40s, don't struggle with staying fit and healthy and we have a sizeable savings account that we expect will help cover our retirement when we get there.
So yeah, we're perfectly happy.
So yeah, we're perfectly happy.
28points
#8
37, happily married, happily childfree. Not having kids was the best thing we ever did. Working full time it already feels like we barely get enough free time to ourselves, I can't imagine spending it taking care of a kid.
27points
#9
34. It’s like your 20’s but back pain and money to enjoy your hobbies.
24points
Finally, the author shared what he thought of the replies to his post. "I was actually surprised, I mean I expected that there will be some response in favor of this view, not the majority though," Meizcathooman said. "But guess what, almost 90% of the comments are about enjoying being kids free. It felt good to see people out there living a good life without kids."
"There were many surprises, all sorts of stories about how some people had this view from a young age, and some changed when they met their partner. So many heartwarming stories too!" the author added. "I thoroughly enjoyed each and every comment, [whether they shared a positive] experience or not."
#10
41. My life is awesome. A couple years ago I picked up and moved across country.
I saw one of my favorite bands on Friday night, then Saturday morning went mountain biking with some friends. Then Sunday I slept in, got stoned all day while watching dumb movies and spent a bunch of time with my dog.
I have never been in a situation where I thought "this would be better with a child".
I saw one of my favorite bands on Friday night, then Saturday morning went mountain biking with some friends. Then Sunday I slept in, got stoned all day while watching dumb movies and spent a bunch of time with my dog.
I have never been in a situation where I thought "this would be better with a child".
24points
#11
Amazing of course, but to each their own. I personally cannot understand why anyone would want children. I don't have a paternal bone in my body, except for my four legged friend. My fiancé and I can do what we want, when we want, I just cannot imagine bringing up children. I am very capable and would make a responsible dad, I just simply have NO interest, at least in this lifetime. People may say, 'well who will look after you when you're very old' however there is no guarantee for those with kids. In fact it probably ensures I take much better care of myself with older age in mind, that there is a high chance I will be alone, but aren't we all, at the end of the day.
22points
#12
I’m 35 and married, no children by choice. When I see my friends with children it’s lovely, I love being an auntie, but I really value my freedom. I don’t know if that makes me selfish but I don’t think I’d be a great mom so why put a kid through that? I don’t feel like I’m missing something or that there’s an empty piece of my life in any way. I get to work, enjoy whatever hobbies I like, travel without kid stress. I have 2 cats and a dog and that’s enough responsibility for me!
Edit to clarify the ‘selfish’ comment - I mean selfish in that I am not giving my mom the grandchildren she so badly desires. But reading these comments helps me to know I’m not selfish in this decision so thank you all 🤍.
Edit to clarify the ‘selfish’ comment - I mean selfish in that I am not giving my mom the grandchildren she so badly desires. But reading these comments helps me to know I’m not selfish in this decision so thank you all 🤍.
18points
#13
I’m in my 30’s and childfree, honestly, I couldn’t be happier with the decision. My life feels so full. I’ve been able to travel, focus on my career and dive into hobbies that bring me joy. I love the freedom to plan my days exactly how I want, wether it’s spontaneous weekend getaway or just enjoying some quiet time with my partner or pets.. that’s not to say I don’t occasionally wonder about the future like who will take care of me when I’m older. But those thoughts are fleeting because I know I made this choice intentionally. I’ve built a life that feels meaningful and true to who I am and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Being a childfree has given me the space to grow, experience and live fully in my terms.
18points
#14
Married, no kids. It's great.
We've got two cats. They're pretty cool when they're not being tiny terrorists.
We've got two cats. They're pretty cool when they're not being tiny terrorists.
17points
#15
I work, hike, volunteer, do hobbies, maintain my house, and rest.
I'm happy with it. I never wanted to be a mother and I still don't. I couldn't imagine my life _with_ kids. I'm glad I don't have to worry about a child when bad things have happened to me in the past and future, too.
I'm happy with it. I never wanted to be a mother and I still don't. I couldn't imagine my life _with_ kids. I'm glad I don't have to worry about a child when bad things have happened to me in the past and future, too.
16points
#16
I want to suck out the marrow of life and try every little thing I can, every hobby, every country, every experience.
If I had a kid, rightfully, they'd be the center of my world. And I would forever be on the knifes edge trying to provide for us both.
I love the concept of having a tribe to come home to, as someone else phrased it. But unless you're especially energetic, rich, or lucky, that world doesn't exist anymore. So - what? What will you sacrifice to make it a reality? Because having kids is very much a sacrifice anymore, a frustrating and expensive one that may or may not pay off.
I had a friend that his parents poured their life into. Expensive family vacations, private school, yada yada. He died on a fentanyl overdose two years ago. All he did was bring pain to his family. Having kids is no guarantee that you'll have a loving family.
If I had a kid, rightfully, they'd be the center of my world. And I would forever be on the knifes edge trying to provide for us both.
I love the concept of having a tribe to come home to, as someone else phrased it. But unless you're especially energetic, rich, or lucky, that world doesn't exist anymore. So - what? What will you sacrifice to make it a reality? Because having kids is very much a sacrifice anymore, a frustrating and expensive one that may or may not pay off.
I had a friend that his parents poured their life into. Expensive family vacations, private school, yada yada. He died on a fentanyl overdose two years ago. All he did was bring pain to his family. Having kids is no guarantee that you'll have a loving family.
16points
#17
Taking care of myself, pets and a husband is enough responsibility for me. So glad with my choice. I'd be miserable otherwise.
14points
#18
Honestly I cannot imagine having to plan every aspect of your life around a kid.
Also, kids ruin practically everything (such as planes, restaurants, theatre shows, quiet public spaces etc).
Also, kids ruin practically everything (such as planes, restaurants, theatre shows, quiet public spaces etc).
14points
#19
Very happy. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends' kiddos. But I'm glad I get to hand them back to their parents and move on with my day.
I've watched good, solid relationships be ruined by the stress of having kids. I've watched people fall into financial trouble from having kids.
Some people want to take that risk, or the reward of having children is worth it to them. That's their choice and I will help any way I can.
But I'm a big no on the having kids myself front.
I've watched good, solid relationships be ruined by the stress of having kids. I've watched people fall into financial trouble from having kids.
Some people want to take that risk, or the reward of having children is worth it to them. That's their choice and I will help any way I can.
But I'm a big no on the having kids myself front.
13points
#20
I'm 44 and my husband is 48. We've been together for 27 years. He was indifferent to having kids but was happy to if I wanted them, and I thought we'd have kids but was undecided for a very long time.
We got to 2019 and thought if we're going to do it, we better do it now. We tried for exactly 2 menstrual cycles. Leading up to my period was terrifying, and we were both incredibly relieved when it didn't work. That alone was telling.
Then Metallica announced a tour with Slipknot to Australia (which got cancelled) and Slipknot announced their Knotfest by Sea Cruise ship festival in Spain (also cancelled) and we realised we were not going to be able to go to things like that anymore. The cost aside, I would have been pregnant or with an infant so it was not going to be possible.
We stopped trying after that and haven't regretted it so far. We go to concerts frequently and travel a bit. Since 2019 we've built our dream home, my husband got the garage he's always wanted with a hoist, and I got my natural swim pond.
There are children in our lives by way of nieces, nephews and friends kids and that's enough for us. We had friends over a few weeks ago and they brought their two pre-schoolers with them. They were great kids but a handful - our house is not kid proof, we had to lock a room so they wouldn't get into my collectables which look like toys to them, and one of them turned all the dials on my husbands welder that he'd spent time setting up for a project he was working on. Again, great kids, but exhausting. When they left my husband and I bumped fists, just quietly celebrating our choice. I really admire people who have kids, but it's not for me.
We got to 2019 and thought if we're going to do it, we better do it now. We tried for exactly 2 menstrual cycles. Leading up to my period was terrifying, and we were both incredibly relieved when it didn't work. That alone was telling.
Then Metallica announced a tour with Slipknot to Australia (which got cancelled) and Slipknot announced their Knotfest by Sea Cruise ship festival in Spain (also cancelled) and we realised we were not going to be able to go to things like that anymore. The cost aside, I would have been pregnant or with an infant so it was not going to be possible.
We stopped trying after that and haven't regretted it so far. We go to concerts frequently and travel a bit. Since 2019 we've built our dream home, my husband got the garage he's always wanted with a hoist, and I got my natural swim pond.
There are children in our lives by way of nieces, nephews and friends kids and that's enough for us. We had friends over a few weeks ago and they brought their two pre-schoolers with them. They were great kids but a handful - our house is not kid proof, we had to lock a room so they wouldn't get into my collectables which look like toys to them, and one of them turned all the dials on my husbands welder that he'd spent time setting up for a project he was working on. Again, great kids, but exhausting. When they left my husband and I bumped fists, just quietly celebrating our choice. I really admire people who have kids, but it's not for me.
13points