Having a kid is a life-changing experience, and it shouldn’t be done on impulse. Some people don’t put much thought into their decision to have children, and for the most part, it works out fine. On the other hand, there are folks who’ve wracked their brains on the issue and decided never to have kids.
This is the choice one woman had made for herself, and she believed her fiancé was on the same page. Unfortunately, she soon learned that he wanted a child, whether she liked the idea or not.
More info: Reddit
Being childfree can be the best decision of one’s life, so long as their partner is also on the same page
Image credits: lmfotografia / Pixabay (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that from a young age, she knew that she never wanted to have kids and that when she met her partner, she was honest about her views
Image credits: Galina Yarovaya / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When the couple began dating, the man agreed with the poster’s decision to remain childfree, but things began changing after his sister had a baby
Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The guy became enamored with his nephew, he also expected his fiancée to feel a similar connection and got mad at her when she couldn’t handle the baby
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster realized her fiancé had changed his mind about having children when he began calling her “mama” and touching her belly while she slept
Image credits: u/childfreerunaway
Things became worrisome after her fiancé asked her to get a check-up regarding her fertility issues, so she packed a bag and left under false pretenses
One thing the woman had always been certain about was that she never wanted to have kids. Once she learned about the child-free lifestyle, she realized that that’s what she wanted for herself. Things like her fertility issues and not being able to feel unconditional love toward a kid all solidified her decision.
According to surveys, around one-fifth of the population has chosen to be child-free. This research also suggests that people who make the decision at a younger age are less likely to change their minds later on. This is because they often realize the extent of the responsibility and give it more thought than those who want kids.
To learn more about the child-free lifestyle, Bored Panda also reached out to Surbhi S. She is a deal desk analyst by profession, single by choice (for now), and antinatalist-childfree by choice forever.
Surbhi explained that “going child-free by choice is a fairly new concept today. People would still be okay with someone being childless but child-free–that's too much for them to process. Also, I feel most of them are projecting.”
“They say, ‘once upon a time, we also didn't want to get married or have kids, but everything happened eventually, and it will happen to you too when the time comes.’ They are in denial about the fact that we have thought about this 100 times over and that we are sure about this choice. Maybe denial feels safer to their minds,” she added.
The OP made sure to tell her fiancé that she never wanted to have children, and initially, he seemed to be on the same page, too. He began to waver only after his sister had a baby. The more time he spent with the child, the more he fell in love with his nephew. It is okay to change one’s mind about having children, but it’s important to bring up such thoughts with one’s partner first.
Research also shows that contrary to popular opinion, men tend to want kids more than women. This is often because they aren’t the one’s having to shoulder the main responsibility of raising the child. It’s possible that the OP’s partner felt that way too because he had so much fun interacting with his nephew. He probably didn’t think too deeply about the responsibility involved.
Image credits: BĀBI / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Instead of telling the OP about his desire to have a child, the guy kept pretending like he was on the fence. He tried offering her solutions like adoption or giving herself more time to learn to love kids. The problem is that he also became a bit pushy and started calling his fiancée mama, didn’t want to use protection, and tried getting her to fix her fertility issues.
It might be surprising that the man had such a big change of heart, but it doesn’t seem like he was as determined to be childfree in the first place. Initially, he told the OP that he didn’t really like kids, so he was okay with never having one.
Clearly, his mind changed when he met his nephew. This is consistent with studies that show that people who decide to be child-free at a younger age are likelier to follow through with it, as compared to folks who haven’t given it much thought or made the decision to appease someone else.
We asked Surbhi what a child-free individual could do if their family member or loved one was pressuring them to have kids. She said: “to begin with, having an open dialogue may help. Keep your reasons ready and give real-life examples from the world around to justify your choice even more.”
“With most people, dialogue may not always help. At this stage, it's important to stand your ground firmly from the beginning. A couple always being firm together will always be hard to bother. If nothing helps, make sarcasm your second language!”
Unfortunately, the man’s pushiness about having kids worried the OP a lot, and she decided to leave. Psychologists say that in cases like this, the couple needs to have some tough discussions on the topic and see if any compromise can be met. If both are firm on their decision to have or not have children, then it might make sense to part ways, or else resentment can build.
Do you think the woman did the right thing by running away? What other steps do you think she could have taken? Let us know in the comments.
Folks sided with the woman and were glad that she trusted her gut instinct, especially after how rudely her partner had behaved
