Good friendships that are based on love, care, and reciprocation can stand the test of time, but even such great relationships can have problems if money is brought into the picture. This only happens if people start lending or borrowing without setting boundaries.
This is what a woman faced because her childhood friend kept asking her for money whenever she had the chance. Eventually, the woman couldn’t keep dipping into her funds and asked her friend to stop, which immediately created a big rift between them.
More info: Reddit
Friends should always try to support one another, but they aren’t obligated to do so if they feel the other person might be taking advantage of them
Image credits: benzoix / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that she had known her childhood friend, Miley, for years and that they had both come from poor families
Image credits: SkelDry / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Over the years, the poster got her life and finances in order, and Miley only seemed to reach out to her when she needed small amounts of money
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster eventually got tired of always giving her money away, so she told Miley to stop talking to her if she was just going to treat her like a bank
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The reason the woman set such a boundary with Miley was that she was trying to build up her savings again and couldn’t afford to keep giving money away
Image credits: afresh18
Miley didn’t like that her childhood friend was standing up to her and accused her of not caring about her well-being
The poster had been close friends with Miley and even stayed at her house for months when she was kicked out by her own family. That’s why, even though they fell out of touch with each other for a while, they were able to reconnect smoothly and catch up on each other’s lives. The problems only began when Miley began asking the OP for small sums of money.
It’s difficult to turn down a friend who wants financial help, especially if they have a good reason for borrowing the money. When this happens too often, it’s important to figure out exactly how much you are willing to lend, and at what point you don’t want to continue anymore. This will help salvage the friendship in the long run.
The poster realized that she didn’t have the capacity to keep giving Miley money, so she decided to set boundaries as soon as possible. She was honest with the other woman and explained that she had her own financial goals to meet, and hence wouldn’t be able to give her any more help. She also explained that all the lending made her feel taken advantage of.
When it comes to lending or borrowing money among family and friends, there are usually a lot of emotions involved. The lenders might feel resentful if they are always having to give their hard-earned cash, and the borrowers may feel hurt if their loved ones aren’t helping them out. That’s why it’s important to have a contract in place if one decides to lend large sums to close friends or relatives.
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster did feel a bit guilty about turning Miley down and confronting her about her borrowing habits. Unfortunately, the other woman wasn’t willing to own up to her behavior and felt that the OP didn’t care about her at all. That’s exactly why people worry about setting financial boundaries with loved ones.
To understand how to handle such a situation, Bored Panda reached out to Madeleine Homan Blanchard. She is a coach and the cofounder of Blanchard Coaching Services. She said that “there is no such thing as lending, unless it is formalized, with agreements and a payment plan. If you can afford to and feel compelled to, you can give money with zero expectation of ever seeing it again.”
“People who insist they will pay you back but never do are lying to themselves and will therefore lie to everyone else. There is no possible way to have an adult relationship with people like this. The only relationship you can have is one that drains you. Or the people you help will simply resent you so much, or be embarrassed enough to avoid you,” she added.
It might seem heartless to say no to a friend or relative who is in need, but surveys have found that close to half of Americans who lend money find themselves negatively impacted by it. It might be because they’ve never received the money back, had their credit score impacted, or gotten into a conflict with the borrower.
Madeleine explained that “people who develop the habit of asking for and getting money will simply keep coming back until the well dries up. People who only get in touch when they need something from you are not friends. Old friends do not always make the leap to lifelong friends, often because of a values mismatch.”
That’s why it’s good that the OP decided to set her financial boundaries as soon as she could. Even though it must have been uncomfortable to send the message, it will make a difference in their friendship. This puts the ball in Miley’s court, and she has to decide if she wants to make an effort to keep her friend or end things because she can no longer keep borrowing money.
Do you think the woman made the right decision by saying no to lending money to her friend? Let us know your thoughts and if you’ve ever been in a situation like this.
People were glad that the poster stood her ground and felt that Miley was just treating their relationship as something transactional
