Many of us, as schoolers, encountered in one degree or another the disgusting phenomenon known as bullying - and it was very difficult to survive its consequences. Especially when adults took an emphatically neutral indifferent position like "hey, kids just playing..."
The son of the author of our story today also had to go through all the circles of this personal hell, and with the help of his parents, siblings and psychoanalysts, he coped with all this. And then, years later, his own cousin reminded him of this by starting to date one of his school bullies... However, let's take things just in order.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has a son who got bullied at school by a whole group of classmates when he was 13
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
It all ended up with the boy getting beaten by them, but the teachers tried to hush it all up
Image credits: anonymous
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
The boy had to undergo therapy and change schools, but he coped with all this, with the help of his family
Image credits: anonymous
Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
Years later, the author and his wife came to visit his sister, whose daughter he promised to help with funding her college
Image credits: anonymous
The girl, however, introduced one of those school bullies as her new boyfriend, and our hero immediately said he would quit funding her
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that when his son "Shaun" was 13, he encountered bullying at school. A group of students regularly insulted him on grounds of their homophobia (Shaun is gay), then everything continued with cyber bullying, and ended with a mass beating of the poor boy.
Moreover, the father says that his attempts to bring the bullies to at least some responsibility were parried by the school with the reasoning "kids playing around and getting too rough." For Shaun, the next few months turned into a real hell. He didn't go to school, almost took his own life, and went through therapy.
The parents and siblings did everything to support the boy - and eventually, when he got better, the family moved, and all the author's children actually had to start over. Years have passed since then, but the unpleasant aftertaste in the souls of all family members, of course, remained.
And so, recently the OP and his wife went to a family gathering for July 4th. Among the guests was the author's niece, whom he, as a well-off guy, had previously promised to help with funding her college tuition. And guess who the girl brought to dinner to introduce as her new boyfriend?
That's right, a guy named "Derek," one of the ringleaders of that group of bullies who tormented the author's son! The OP, of course, recognized him - and Derek, apparently, too. Obviously, the guy was clearly uneasy, because he left at the very first opportunity. And only after he left did our hero give in to his emotions.
The OP and his wife asked the girl - what she was thinking when she started dating this guy, knowing what he did to her cousin, and why she actually brought him to dinner. The niece tried to explain in a confused way that those times were in the past, and now Derek has become a decent young man. And in general, they say, it was not so much his fault in that old story...
The original poster and his wife couldn't stand it. They got up and went to the exit, but at the door our hero turned around and said that if Derek had become such a decent person, then it would definitely not be difficult for him to pay for his girlfriend's education. Because her uncle is no longer going to help her.
The author's entire family sided with him in this decision, but his relatives - in particular, his sister and BIL - literally broke his phone in numerous attempts to persuade him to change his anger to mercy. But the author was adamant, and sincerely believed that he did absolutely the right thing.
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
"Of course, the principles of humanity call upon us to forgive even our enemies - especially if they repent of their actions. But, firstly, there is no confirmation that this young man has truly repented, and secondly - such an act on the part of the girl looks completely inappropriate in relation to her uncle and cousin," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment on this case.
"Bullying is one of the saddest phenomena of our time, and to combat it, we need maximum support from education authorities. Unfortunately, there are often cases when teachers and school administration try to "hush up" the situation in order to avoid unnecessary problems... Thereby indirectly convincing the bullies of their impunity."
"In the end, this man, promising his niece to help pay for her tuition, didn't even suspect that she would hurt him and his entire family so much with her boyfriend pick. This is a rather selfish approach on her part, and the uncle's reaction, although harsh, seems quite justified," Irina presumes.
The commenters to the original post are also sure that the author did the right thing, and fully support his decision. "I can’t imagine as a parent the feeling of seeing your kids bloody and injured. No way would I just get over what happened either," one of the responders wrote. "Your niece seems pretty heartless. She isn’t entitled to a paid education either."
However, even if Derek does apologize, commenters are calling on the author not to believe in his sincerity. "If he does try to apologize, you know it's only because the niece put him up to it to get her free college ride back. I wouldn't pay a penny for a niece that was this heartless to my kid," someone wrote quite reasonaby in the comments. "You aren't holding a grudge, you are protecting your kid." And what do you, our dear readers, also think about this story?
Most people in the comments unanimously sided with the man, claiming that his niece actually behaved heartlessly here
