Professionals Are Debunking Myths About Their Professions Because They’ve Had Enough

I would like to clear up misconceptions about my husband’s occupation. He is a school custodian, actually the head engineer of a school. Many people scoffingly say ‘the janitor’. People think he must be stupid and/or lazy. So, so far from the truth! Yes, he cleans, and some pretty nasty things he has to clean up too. He also makes sure the all the snow and ice is removed in our snowy state so people can navigate the sidewalks safely. He makes sure the boilers are working properly so everyone is warm in the winter….did you know he needs a license to know how to do that? Also, to operate the pool, and the cooling units. He keeps teachers happy by answering their radio calls, frequently interrupting his meals to do so. He makes friends with the kids. He runs the fire drills and lockdowns so everyone knows what to do in an emergency, and keeps all the fire extinguishers charged. He is the crew leader of the people that help him clean, and must keep the principal happy at all times, so his people skills have to be excellent. He puts 20,000 steps a day on his pedometer. As men retire, the school district does not replace them, the men remaining just have to do more. When I met him, he was reading the book “Ghandi”, not a book I would tackle. He is incredibly well versed in history and actually should be teaching schools, not cleaning them. Many other men in his position are intelligent, well read and well traveled. Two of the others he has worked with were teachers and quit, then became custodians. Make no mistake, the school is in their ‘custody’, they are proud of their schools.

I’m a physicist. One day I got a phone call from an undergraduate. She explained that as an assignment in a sociology course she was required to follow a scientist around for a day and document how he/she spent the day. “I’m far too busy to give you that much time,” I said. “No—” she replied, “You won’t even notice I’m there. I’ll just watch and follow you around.” OK— it sounded a bit intriguing. The scheduled morning she arrived in my office at 9 a.m. She sat down in a corner, and I got to work. Every now and then I looked up and caught her looking at me; she quickly looked away, and scribbled in her notebook. Suddenly I felt like a mountain gorilla being studied by Dian Fossey. At 5 p.m she told me she was leaving. I asked her if she found anything surprising. “My god yes!” She responded. “Your day is totally different from what I expected.” I asked for details and she examined her notes. She said, “You spent 60% of your time talking to other people! You did it on the phone, then you visited several other physicists in their offices. You had lunch with several graduate students. Even in your lab you were working with your graduate students. Several people came to your office.” “What did you expect?” I asked her. “I thought scientists worked alone. I thought they sat in front of computers all day, or in their labs wearing white coats and working with test tubes.” “That’s the scientist of the movies,” I said. “Science is a very social profession. You can save weeks in the lab by a quick conversation with someone else. Two people talking are often much more than twice as effective as two people working alone.” “I never knew that,” she said. It’s odd that people avoid going into science because of the impression that it is for people who like to work alone. That may be true for some people, but in my experience virtually all effective scientists spend much of their time with other people. Maybe the wrong impression arises because of the high school science nerd who doesn’t yet have social skills. But social skills are essential to scientific success. Some nerds learn them only in graduate school. (And the ones who don’t often drop out of science.) Indeed, the interaction with other people is what makes “coming to work” so much fun.

I work at a soup kitchen. We don’t just serve soup. We don’t just serve “poor people”—seriously. Check with your local soup kitchen to confirm their policies, but many serve anyone, no questions asked. If you just want a free meal or you’re strapped for cash, drop by. We don’t serve rotten or old food. Many of our grocery store donations aren’t due to expiration date but due to aesthetics—they can’t sell something that looks ugly or broken. We get dozens of fresh-made cakes that can’t be sold because the frosting is smudged or the cake is falling apart. The food is not bland, boring, and disgusting. Our cook has a degree in nutrition—she knows what she’s doing, and the food she makes is good stuff. We don’t season it heavily, but we do put some flavor in it. It’s not slop. It’s real, freshly made food. There is nothing shameful about going to a soup kitchen. It’s like going out to eat, but it’s free. There’s no shame in free. We never ask our guests why they’re dining with us—they just are. It doesn’t matter why. Soup kitchens aren’t scary. YMMV depending on where you live, but soup kitchens can be plenty safe. Our kitchen is always buzzing with children and folks of all backgrounds. Some locations do frequently call the police, but plenty of kitchens don’t have problems with safety and security. Answered as part of my question session on "Working at a soup kitchen", June 2017.

I’m a psychotherapist. Movies and television portray us as dimwits who just listen and ask, “How did that make you feel?” I often promise clients that I’ll never ask them how anything makes them feel. I don’t care how you feel so much as I care how you FUNCTION. Your anger/trauma history/depression is interfering with your life and relationships? Let’s fix it. Your anxiety is keeping you from the life you dream of? Let’s fix it. You’ve got personality quirks that cause people to steer clear of you and you’re feeling isolated and lonely? Let’s fix that. I’ve jokingly referred to myself as an “emotional mechanic.” I don’t see myself as some mystical, spiritual guide doling out eternal wisdom like a guru on a mountaintop. You need to attend your sister’s wedding 3000 miles away but you’re afraid to fly and don’t want to take d***s? No problem. I know a bunch of tricks that’ll get you on that plane without medication. I can’t make you LOVE flying, but you’ll be ABLE to fly. I don’t care how you FEEL. I care how you FUNCTION. :-)

Just because I’m making your skinny vanilla latte with coconut milk does not mean I’m a f*****g loser or some kind of dumba*s.

People go into food and drink establishments daily with the preconceived notion that the employees are somehow inferior beings who deserve to make subpar wages with no health insurance because they should have gone to college, and their job is for teenagers. Newsflash, teenagers don’t open up a restuarant at 5am on a weekday in winter.

I’ll have people know that in my lengthy career in food service I have attained not one, not two, but three entire college degrees. Believe it or not, some people choose the profession because it’s the best option for them. Maybe they have children and need the flexibility. Maybe they like free coffee. Maybe they’re a teenager. It doesn’t exactly matter why they’re there, what matters is, that you are no better than them because you spent an entire hour of their wages on an Iced Venti Quad Cinnamon Almond Macchiato.

I have worked with DOCTORS at Starbucks. Veterans. Wives of veterans. Single mothers. College professors. A Major League Baseball player. All of us have a legitimate reason to be there, all of us are important, and some of us are even smarter than you.

I'm a hospice nurse.

This seems like a very straightforward statement, yet very few really understand what it means.

Nursing itself is often misunderstood, and hospice nursing even more so. So if you will indulge me, here is my take.

Nurses are healthcare providers. We provide the means for physicians, physician assistants, and nurse practitioners to practice their professions as competently as possible. To that end, we administer medications and gather information like vital signs. This is what most people seem to be familiar with.

However, we also provide education. We explain medications—their uses, interactions, and side effects. We help patients understand procedures—-the risks, benefits, and options. We assess and listen to our patients, then share that information with doctors and so on so they are best equipped with the most complete information on which to base a diagnosis and prescribe treatment.

Hospice nurses do all these things as often as any other nurses. What makes hospice nursing a bit different is two things: our patients have a different expected outcome, and our focus is the patient plus the family.

We do spend a great deal of time administering medications, particularly for pain management. We also spend time talking with patients and their families: explaining the expected stages of a disease’s progress, talking about how we can maintain a patient’s quality of life for as long as possible, discussing what to expect as the end of life approaches, and walking with patients and families through the stages of grief.

We advocate for them, for their right to end treatment, to receive alternative pain control methods, to manage and maintain control of their lives as much as possible.

We encourage them to grieve, to make peace with their loved ones, and to review their lives so they can die at peace.

We clean them, feed them, nurture them, cry with them, fight for them, support them. And then we say goodbye to them. Thanks.

I'm an airline pilot, and here are some of the most common misconceptions about my job. No, the autopilot doesn't do everything. Ultimately it's still just a computer and it's unable to do something as simple as deviate around a thunderstorm cell right in front of the aircraft. And like all computers they are dependent on human input and they do fail. No, we can't let you visit the cockpit anymore, even though we may be good friends/related. No, we can't get you an upgrade to Business/First class. The airline has specific conditions and regulations for doing so. No, we can't do anything about your complaints regarding in-flight service. Please write in to the customer service department. No, our layovers aren't one o**y with the cabin crew after another. It's very common to just get minimum rest and we're too tired out from the flight to do much else besides have a good meal and a decent night's sleep. No, we don't all get massive paychecks. The salary is usually decent but the industry is very volatile and staying profitable is incredibly challenging, hence why bonuses/benefits have dwindled over the years.

People often misunderstand what an editor does. I work as a freelance editor and writer, and I fix challenging manuscripts so the writing is eloquent (as well as comprehensible and compelling).

It is not unlike fixing carpentry mistakes, but sometimes I get the impression from people not familiar with my work that they think editing is easy and only involves fixing commas and spelling. (I have been called the “Comma Queen” before.) Yes, that is part of it, but a good editor is a smart generalist and a fast learner who will ask questions of the text and research facts while fixing grammar and poor writing.

Just as with carpentry where the angles and materials need to match, the words and thoughts in a document must join together to create a cohesive whole.

Good editing is not just turning on spell check and making sure the use of commas is consistent (e.g., using the Oxford comma in a series of items every time in that document). It’s making the document a joy to read and, in the process, not being obvious about the changes I add. It still has to speak with the author’s voice even though I often clean it up. A LOT. —Sarah M. 1/25/2017 EDITED to include Daniele Paolo Scarpazza’s spelling correction (survivor’s).

I am (among other things) a Licensed Private Investigator.

I don’t carry a gun. A minority of private investigators go armed. It requires special licensing. I have a number of firearms but never carry one on the job.

I am not sneaky, nosy or concerned with the secrets of others . Some are, most are not. Being sneaky, nosy and obsessed with others’ secrets does not mean you would be a good PI. It may mean you would be a bad one.

I don’t spy on people. Surveillance is a key part of the jobs of a pretty fair number of investigators, but I avoid it like the plague, for two reasons: 1) it’s deadly boring and uncomfortable to stay in one location and try to observe someone, and stress-inducing and exhausting to try to follow them without being “made.” 2) all too often, the results of surveillance are used to exacerbate rather than solve conflicts. Husbands who want to “confront” their wives about infidelity and vice-versa, etc. I’m just not into it.

I don’t get information through manipulation, trickery or threats. 99.99% of the info I acquire is through normal public sources or by telling the person with whom I am speaking, exactly what I’m doing, whom I am working for, what I want to know, and why I want to know it.

Most investigators are no smarter than the average bear. It happens rarely (as in my case) that an investigator has extensive formal training in logic, observation, data analysis, evidence, and human behavior. So it happens I do have “superhuman” powers of “deduction” compared to the man in the street. But really, it’s no more than training in how to observe and how to think. The vast majority of investigators have at least some, in fact sometime extensive, training in sources and methods - but in the vast majority of cases that training is employed by a mind of essentially average intelligence.

I am not allowed to break the law to find things out. I am not allowed to invade another’s privacy, break into people’s homes and businesses, access confidential law enforcement information (like sealed cases, incomplete investigations, internal reports, etc.), beat or fight with or threaten a witness, impersonate a law enforcement officer or any licensed professional like doctor, lawyer, insurance agent, real estate licensee, etc.

I don’t drive a fancy car or engage in chases. I drive a Prius, a Subaru or a pickup, depending. I have never chased anyone. Ever.

I do not have “magic” or access to confidential records. As a licensed and bonded professional, who could lose my license and my livelihood, to say nothing of going to jail for violating federal and state privacy standards, I am allowed to buy subscriptions to data sources that most people are never allowed to see. But I have to follow a bushel basket of laws and regulations in the acquisition and use of this information, and the penalties for abuse of it are severe.

My life is not one of all-encompassing knowledge, but more one of continual study . After over 40 years in the field, there are still more things to learn than things I already know. Certainly, experience and a lifetime of study have outfitted me with a store of knowledge that makes it MUCH easier to accurately interpret new observations than it was at the beginning of my career - but not a single day goes by that I don’t encounter the need to learn something new.

I’m not always right, but can rarely afford to be wrong. Customers/clients will never hire you again if you give them mistaken data or arrive at erroneous conclusions. You have to be right. You have to be accurate. The buying public’s tolerance for error is vanishingly small. I

’m a responsible family man, married for over four decades and with grown kids who (near as I can tell) love him, who makes a modestly “good” living. I’m not always on the verge of bankruptcy and unable to afford my utilities or rent. I’ve been a property-owner since 1977. I pay my bills. I rarely have any surplus income, and can’t afford lavish entertainments, opulent vacations or expensive clothes. I try to eat healthy, rarely drink (and certainly not with witnesses or investigative subjects), pay my taxes and have a range of other interests as boring as bowling, and as interesting as skiing or ranching or target shooting. I love art and music, and my kids and pets, I rescue animals, do things with my hands (including building or fixing cabins and houses and stuff), and don’t endanger or destroy my domestic life with infidelity, self-destructive habits, or my addiction to difficult and dangerous cases. I’m not mysterious, dark or depressive, but social and interested in people. I’m engaged in my community and local government. In other words, a “regular guy.” I love what I do in the same way a stone mason might love what he does. It has its challenges but I’m proud of my results, and it does not consume my life.

I am a special education teacher. Let me dispel some misconceptions for you:

I am not a saint, and I don’t do my job because it is “so fulfilling”. I like working with little kids and I’m naturally pretty good at explaining and demonstrating concepts. I’m not here to earn a pair of wings.

Which leads to: The pay is much better than many people assume, although I wouldn’t complain about a raise. I’m doing this job because it pays money, not because it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. T

he term “special education” refers to a huge range of needs among students. When people imagine it, they picture a room full of grown kids in diapers drooling on themselves. That type of student does exist, and I’m happy to say I’ve worked with them, but they are on the extreme end of need. Many students who qualify for special education would seem completely normal to the average person. Some kids just need a little extra help, or a different kind of environment.

“Do your students just play and have free time all day?” No, we work, and we work hard. Special education doesn’t exist to coddle kids, it exists to help them be the most independent and capable they can be. Many of my students have difficulty understanding abstract concepts, so I break everything down and show/explain it in as many ways as possible until they get it. Multiplication is hard, but my second graders can do it, because they practiced and practiced and practiced. The regular classroom next door to me sometimes has “game days” where kids play board games all day so the teacher can catch up on grading. We have fun, but game day doesn’t exist in my room. My students might need extra time and assistance, but they are still capable. Most regular teachers will say things like,

“Oh, you must have so much paper work and so many reports to write.” Yes, I do, but I only have 10 students, and they have 25. After you factor in grading all those assignments and writing all those report cards and doing all those state assessments, I’ll take my paperwork any day.

“You must have so much patience.” No, I don’t, I’m just a normal person who gets frustrated just like anyone else, but I’ve also studied a lot of effective techniques in behavior management and modification. My class is designed to help kids stay focused and to reward them working hard. A lot of regular teachers could save themselves some headaches if they used the methods I use in my class.

Working in special education can be hard, but we are not angels doing good deeds out of the kindness of our heart. We are doing a job, and working to help some great kids become as independent and skilled as they can possibly be.

I'm a paramedic. Misconception one. We are glorified first aiders/taxi drivers. The truth is that to be a paramedic now is a full 3 yr BSC degree. The details we have to know about a huge range of things is immense and can be daunting. In Britain we can access several different clinical pathways if necessary. We do not have to take you to hospital (no matter how much you kick and scream) if we can justify it. Number 2. That we run around saving lives. Nope. Most of our work is people who don't look after themselves/too lazy to do anything other than call us. A huge proportion of our work is this. It can be soul suckingly dull work from going to people who have a bit of a cough to people who are drunk to people who have had a bit of a pain for several days now and it just hurts…… Number 3. That we are well paid and have an amazing pension (I kid you not. I still get a lot of people who think this). Our pay is not good. It isn't even good when compared to the other services. I could run a fast food outlet and earn a lot more money. Our pensions are horrendous. We have to work until we are 68 (hands up who wants a 68 year old coming to them or performing CPR) to get them and they aren't worth a huge amount. A lot of people have gone to private pensions instead.

Nurse Misconceptions

Only Women become nurses . It is true that there are more women than men in nursing, but no one should be surprised that a man is a nurse. (They’re not all gay either.)

Nursing is the first step in becoming a Doctor. This is a common misconception. I get asked, “How much longer before you become a Doctor?” The two professions are vastly different and require different education routes altogether. Nurses are not highly skilled professionals.

There is no tipping at the end of your visit. Don't order the nurse around like they work for you. Nurses are college educated professionals. We earn our salaries performing complicated life saving tasks at a high skill level. Treat nurses with the respect the profession deserves.

Three day work week is not a full weeks work. Don't know who started the rumor that three twelve hour days was so much easier than five eight hour days. There is only four hours difference crammed into three days. Most often nurses work over at the end of their shift. Nurses work nights, weekends, and holidays. There is nothing “great” about our schedule.

It’s easy to be a nurse. Nursing, though very rewarding, is a hard job. The obvious dirty work of cleaning feces off people is just the tip of the iceberg. Nurses deal with an ungrateful public that views them as Doctor’s peons. Administration expects nurses to do more with less staff and for paltry compensation to boot. Becoming a nurse is difficult enough, remaining one is even tougher.

There are lots, but I’ll just tackle my top 3 here.

Astronomy is not ****ing astrology ! Astrology is superstition masquerading as science. Astronomers [internally scream] every time we’re called astrologers, or every time someone brings up zodiac signs as soon as we say what we do.

There is no longer any practical distinction between astronomy and astrophysics.

Surveying and map-making hasn’t been the primary focus of astronomy for more than a generation now. It’s all applied physics, so I often wonder why some schools keep the “astronomy” around as the name of the major.

There are theorists and experimentalists, but at the end of the day, we all sit around solving equations and finagling code trying make sense of our data. And that means if you think the astronomy lab will get you your physical science elective credit without the math, you’re SOL.

If you major in astronomy, you will spend far more of your time at a computer than a telescope. Most of your work will be coding, whether it’s simulations, image processing, model-fitting, error analysis, etc. That means if you want to get into big data, but want to avoid the soul-sucking morass of industry, astronomy might be a good fit for you. That or environmental science. Actually, the latter might be of more immediate use, since we’re currently driving a multi-pronged mass-extinction event that Will Make the Planet Too Hot for Humans Much, Much Sooner Than You Imagine , but there’s a lot of morale-crushing politics and denial involved there, too.

Teachers are trained how to teach things to students. The science is called pedagogy. We don’t simply learn a mountain about our particular subject matter, then walk into a classroom and start talking. We are highly trained, and constantly re-trained, in how to disseminate the information within a particular segment of that subject matter into small bits, present it in a myriad of ways as instruction, and effectively and constantly assess whether the information is being synthesized correctly by the learners.

For those who doubt (and there are a lot who say “I could teach, it’s easy”), ask yourself: how would you go about teaching all about the American Civil War to 2nd graders? Now, how would you change those methods for 4th graders? 8th graders? College students? Okay, how would you assess what was learned? How often would you assess? What methods would you use to assess? How would you integrate methods that utilize the different learning styles, based either on the basic accepted three (visual, kinesthetic, auditory) and/or Gardner’s Multiple Intelligences? How will you differentiate all the lessons and assessments for these differing learning styles? How will you align your lessons to the National Standards within your subject area? Will you utilize grouping? If so, will it be homogenous or heterogenous?

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. A highly skilled teacher can not only write lesson plans that reflect all of the above concepts plus dozens more; she or he can also do them reflexively after years of experience while dealing with the multiple and unpredictable needs of children.

Here is something critical to remember. Are you listening? Good: Those who think teaching looks easy are remembering what their teachers did through the eyes of their childhood selves. It’s far more complicated than the childhood you could have ever known.

Every few years, some redneck legislator proposes a bill to allow anyone with a college degree to teach any subject with no training necessary. This year in Nebraska, the bill proposed was for anyone with a high school diploma to be considered qualified to teach any subject. But hey, don’t worry. There were rigorous requirements. According to the bill, they’d have to be 21, and they’d have to pass a test over the U.S. and Nebraska state constitution. The bill didn’t pass, thankfully. But it was obviously insulting, as these bills always are when they arise like stinkweeds from the dung. Teachers have a degree in pedagogy for a reason.

Archaeologists

Oh so you study dinosaurs
No. Archaeologists study the human past using a myriad of scientific techniques and anthropological studies. The study of dinosaurs and prehistoric life is palaeontology. They’re not the same subject.

2. You’re an archaeologist? I have this theory…

This is something that has happened to me repeatedly. For some reason, whenever I tell people that I studied archaeology, they take it as a confirmation that I want to hear their “theories” about Atlantis, Stonehenge, Ancient Aliens etc. While it can be amusing, it can also be quite insulting. Archaeologists don’t invent theories out of thin air but by studying, analyzing and reviewing archaeological and historical evidence. This sometimes takes years, even lifetimes and are constantly challenged and reviewed by subsequent archaeologists, to get the most accurate answers.

Also, many of these crank theories about the human past tend to use dubious “experts” who are not archaeologists nor have had archaeological experience or outdated sources from the 19th century. Archaeologists get annoyed with “Ancient Aliens guy” because they’ve spent years gaining their skills and knowledge, enduring physical labour that can deteriorate their health but still do it because it is a worthwhile endeavor.

3. So you’re into prehistory or Roman stuff?
Archaeologists do not concern themselves solely with the ancient past only but have moved onto more recent eras, even studying the 20th century from an archaeological perspective.

4. Do you make money selling artefacts?
This is perhaps one of the worst things to ask an archaeologist. The illicit antiquities trade is a massive problem which many archaeologists throughout the world do their utmost to fight against. Sadly, even well-known museums have been embroiled in this illicit business. While I am sure there are archaeologists who abuse their position to make a quick buck, the majority abhor such practises.

5. I have this old thing. What do you think it is and how much valuable is it?
A continuation of the previous question. We’re not antique dealers.

6. Indiana Jones… Lara Croft….
They’re cool characters, we can agree on that. But very few archaeologists ever get into gunfights or cause long-standing structures to collapse within minutes. But we are probably one of the few professions that have a theme song (Raider’s March).

Hospital Medical Receptionist: I am not a medical professional and therefore cannot give you a diagnosis over the phone. My work is purely clerical. I can process an admission if you have a referral from your GP, but ultimately I cannot diagnose you based on your stipulated symptoms.

I cannot provide complex details relating to your procedure. As each patient is unique, I unfortunately cannot give information regarding fasting instructions, procedure preparations or when to stop taking medication. This information will only come from your specialist’s rooms.

I do not have access to a doctor’s private reports. Believe it or not, I cannot pull a doctor’s report “off the shelf.”

I cannot personally contact a doctor on his mobile. If you need to contact your specialist, I can give you a number to his/her’s private rooms.

I do not spend all day sitting down and answering phone calls. This misconception is fair enough. Prior to becoming a receptionist, I seriously underestimated how much work a receptionist does to keep the whole hospital running smoothly.

I do not decided the costs of your procedure. I work at a private hospital, and the procedures can be fairly expensive. I personally have no say in the financial aspect. This is purely between your health fund and your specialist.

I am not wealthy. Just because I work at a private hospital, it does not mean I’m driving a Lamborghini to work.

My personal career choice is secretary. It does not mean I'm stupid. I am not lazy. It is not a "stepping stone" job. I don't sleep with my boss. I love what I do, I make everyone else look good, and I am DAMN good at my job!

I’m an IT Hardware and Electronic Engineering Technician. I also like to rant.

Like the below: Yes, I can fix your printer if it’s one I know about. I know about Lasers and Direct Thermal printers. I have no idea how this Xerox thing with its weird and very expensive toners works and why have you got one of these anyway when nobody else in the company has ever even seen one?

Yes I can probably fix your work PC. I’m not fixing your personal laptop because it’s not a Dell or a HP or something where I know where all the bits are and what they do. No I’m not fixing your mouse and keyboard. I’m putting another one in instead. Why? Because by the time I’ve fixed your old one, to which I know you are very attached but hard lines, you will have been unproductive for ages and I will probably find that your keyboard is beyond repair due to the fact that you have dropped a can of Tango all over it, and what is that disgusting green stuff underneath your space bar? Did it used to be a bit of sausage roll? No.

I don’t know how to work Adobe Illustrator. And whatever it is you want to do with Photoshop, I’m sure there’s something on the Internet to tell you.

Similarly although I do have a familiar acquaintance with Excel,Word,Access,Publisher and Outlook I am in fact employed to look after the hardware and I may or may not be able to help with whatever obscure office admin thing it is that you want to do. I am not a programmer. Although I can write utilities and interfaces in VB, C and a few other things, I am not going to produce an Enterprise-Class killer app for you by Friday teatime. Nor am I going to seamlessly integrate, between 9:30 and 14:00 today, thirty-two different datastreams into a whizz-bang interface that predicts, simultaneously and with 100% accuracy, the fortunes of the FT500, all the winners at Royal Ascot and the weather for the next three months in Hong Kong.

Yes I can fix your bloody electric stapler. Give it here. Twenty minutes. Consider it a favour.

I’m not a bloody accountant. I tell you what something’s going to cost. I’ve gone for the best fit for the job at the lowest possible price. That’s my job. Yours is to find out how you’re going to fit that in your budget.

I am not an electrician. I do electrical work from the plug onwards . That’s what Electronic Engineering is. I do networking too, but if you want a new mains supply fitting, you pay somebody with the right certification to do it, because I’m not insured or trained to be messing about with the distribution boards and if I get it wrong the H&S people, Fire Brigade and subsequently criminal justice system will be putting my little pink bottom in prison, where it will be quickly noticed by a man called “Mad Frankie” or something similar who will insist on calling me a name like “Lillian” and much unpleasantness will befall me.

Look, this franking machine belongs to the Royal Mail. They need to come in and fix it. Oh for God’s sake, alright, I’ll do it if you stop yelling at me.

If the postmeter has blown though I’ll have to get them to send a new one. No. I can’t fix a blown postmeter. I can install and deinstall one with RM’s permission. Why? because if I even look at a postmeter funnily we are back to jail and “Mad Frankie” again.

I don’t know everything about everything. From time to time I will need to talk to specialists. This may cost money, either in telephone calls, maintenance contracts, or meeting time. If you know how to do it, tell me. If you don’t, shut up and let me find out who does.

Yes, I can do raw wood and metal fabrications such as benches, enclosures, and other structural stuff.

No, I’m not putting a new office up. Call the builders and when they’ve done I will come in and cable up network. I might even build your bloody desks and filing cabinets if I’m feeling generous. But that’s it. In short, my name badge says Ian Lang on it. Not Jesus Christ. Alright? Rant over. :)

A Civil Engineer here. Please don’t ask us to make architectural plan for your home. This is not our job. Architects make these plans civil engineers don’t . Civil engineers make structural plans. In simple terms these plans tell you about the amount of steel and its location to make sure the architectural plan can perform its intended function without failure. Thats how a structural plan looks like.

I'm an American Sign Language (ASL) Interpreter.

1. American Sign Language is not universal . I cannot go to England or Japan or Mexico and be able to communicate with the first Deaf person I meet. While some countries do use ASL, it is not common and certainly not worldwide.

2. I get paid for my work. While I do pro-bono work here and there - usually religious interpreting for a congregation I attend or funerals/weddings/events put on by the local Deaf Club - approximately 95% of my work is for profit. So when I show up to interpret for a class or meeting or pubic event, I expect to be paid.

3. I am not responsible for the Deaf consumer. I do not drive them anywhere, they are not my family members, I do not take care of them whatsoever… It is an incredibly patronizing and incorrect assumption that Deaf people need a caretaker to get through life. As the former president of Gallaudet University I. King Jordan said, “ Deaf people can do anything, except hear. ”

4. I do not know Braille. I've had everyone from surgeons to teachers to CEOs to scientists ask me that. I usually just stifle a laugh until their brain catches up. Those are the most obvious and frequent misconceptions, although I'm sure I'm missing more!