Even when people plan to have kids later in life when they feel that their lives, finances and relationship are stable, accidents happen and a woman can become pregnant earlier than expected.
Some may decide to terminate the pregnancy and wait for a better time to have a child, others may take it as a sign that it had to happen then. But what can also happen is that the partners in the couple may not agree on how to proceed.
This man on Reddit wanted to write a confession on the internet about how his girlfriend became pregnant and although they had previously agreed that they needed to wait longer to have children, the woman changed her mind and the man didn’t support her. Actually, he moved to another country to avoid paying child support.
More info: Reddit
Man thought he would be a dad later in life but an accident happened and now he can't return to the US if he doesn't want to pay for child support
Image credits: yeskefo (not the actual photo)
The story takes place in the US when the Original Poster (OP) and his girlfriend were both 22 years old and they had freshly graduated from university. They both had ambitions to have careers and thought that kids would have to wait at least 5 years. They also discussed that if the girlfriend ever got pregnant, they would safely abort.
The discussion was needed because it was a real possibility. It was so real that it happened despite double protection. The first thought that readers had was that maybe the girlfriend cheated on the OP, but even though he can’t say for sure, he was pretty convinced this was not what happened.
Protection isn’t 100 percent foolproof, even when it’s practiced from both sides, so the man was pretty sure it was his child, which he didn’t want. The couple was on the same page until 3 weeks later when the woman had a change of heart.
She was convinced that they would be a happy family, but the OP wasn’t ready for it, neither psychologically nor financially. He was clear about it with his girlfriend and warned her that keeping the child would be her decision and hers only.
The story begins when the narrator and his girlfriend had just graduated college and started building their careers
Image credits: RedditProudGuy
This topic brought many fights in the couple’s relationship, so they agreed to part ways. Originally, the man was planning to help his child’s mother to raise the kid, but his parents convinced him to flee the country.
The OP has dual citizenship and in that country that the man didn’t specify, the US courts wouldn’t be able to enforce child support on him. He even consulted with lawyers to make sure this was the case and left.
Not only did he leave, but he completely cut ties with his ex-girlfriend and only revealed where he was going to a few people that he was sure wouldn’t tell the woman where he was hiding. From time to time, the Redditor gets consumed by guilt, but on the other hand, he felt that keeping the child was the woman’s decision so raising it was her responsibility.
Actually, that is what the OP said in response to a lot of comments. He kept repeating that although pregnancy can’t be completely prevented, birth is a choice and abortions always fulfill their function. He didn’t want to be forced into parenting and he will have children in his own time.
They both agreed that they wanted children, but later, when they were more ready, and if it happened earlier, they would terminate the pregnancy
Image credits: RedditProudGuy
Having heard his side of the story, people were quite judgmental and many comments were deleted by moderators as they didn’t comply with the rules of the subreddit.
In the comments that were left, people argued that adults must realize that protection doesn’t work all the time and the possibility of pregnancy is still there. They believed that the OP became a dad and had to carry out his duties, and they were worried for the child’s mental health in the future.
Others pointed out that the OP was clear about his stance on having children before and after his girlfriend became pregnant and they were both making sure that the possibility of an accidental pregnancy was minimal. So if the woman was the only one wanting the child, the responsibility of bringing up that child falls on her.
However, when the girlfriend actually became pregnant, she changed her mind and wanted to keep the baby
Image credits: RedditProudGuy
When a woman doesn’t want a child she is pregnant with and the man does, then people would be quick to tell that man that he can’t tell the woman what to do to her body if she doesn’t want it going through pregnancy and birth.
However, when a man doesn’t want a child and the woman still gives birth, he is called a bad father. If a woman decides that a baby is worth going through pregnancy and the possible complications for her health, does the man need to support the woman? Does he become automatically responsible for the child, although he would rather the woman had an abortion?
She was the only one, as the man wanted to convince her that they were not ready for it yet, but it didn't work and the couple split
Image credits: RedditProudGuy
Pressuring a woman to get an abortion is not that rare. Actually, research by Journal of American Physicians and Surgeons revealed that “73.8% [of women] disagreed that their decision to abort was entirely free from even subtle pressure from others to abort.” Meaning that either directly or indirectly, someone let them know that the child was unwelcome.
About 60 percent of women shared that they terminated their pregnancy because they wanted to make others happy and almost 30 percent feared losing their partner if they had their baby, so they opted for abortion.
Initially, the man was prepared to take care of the child, but his parents suggested that he leave the country to avoid paying child support
Image credits: RedditProudGuy
Life Line suggests that women get informed about everything that has to do with being pregnant and parenting. Find support, whether it’s friends, family or organizations dedicated for that purpose.
If you feel you are being forced to not have a baby when you are pregnant, you have to ask yourself “What do I really want for my life and not just for this moment in time?” “How will I feel if I decide to have an abortion because someone forced me?”
Lastly, it is important to know your rights and how the law can protect you in such circumstances, because if a woman doesn’t want to get an abortion and is coerced to abort a pregnancy, it means she is not doing it because of her own free will and that is illegal in the United States.
He took the advice, cut all ties with the woman and has no plans on coming back
Image credits: Andy Rogers (not the actual photo)
What is your opinion on the Redditor’s actions? Do you think the woman was wrong when she changed her mind and didn’t have an abortion as the couple agreed long before she got pregnant? Do you think if a woman decides to keep the baby, the father is obliged to take care of it? Let us know your opinion in the comments.
Readers expressed their opinions and a lot of them agreed that in this situation, the poster of the story did what was best for him
Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual photo)
