In the old days, it often happened that the bride and groom literally met each other only at the altar. Now these times are almost irrevocably gone, and modern cultural tradition still implies that it takes time to build full-fledged relationships.
However, for the user u/Strongarm_Mickey7, the author of our story today, everything developed rapidly, like a wide receiver running a familiar route. Already in the third month of dating, she and her boyfriend agreed to move in together - and then it turned out that the guy also perceived her as a stepmom for his kids. Okay, let's get into more detail from here...
More info: Reddit
The author of the post recently started dating a dad of 2, and in just 3 months, they decided to move in together
Image credits: Monika Balciuniene (not the actual photo)
However, before the move-in day, the man said that his ex was planning on taking him off child support
Image credits: u/Strongarm_Mickey7
Image credits: Josh Willink (not the actual photo)
So, according to the couple's work schedules, the main burden of taking care of kids was on the author herself
Image credits: u/Strongarm_Mickey7
The woman expressed her concerns to the boyfriend and he lashed out at her, claiming that she's the kids' future stepmom anyway
So, the Original Poster (OP) is 25 years old, and for the past three months she has been dating her boyfriend, a guy 4 years older than her. The man and woman had known each other for just over six months, however, in the author’s own words, their romance developed so quickly that they decided to move in together in the near future.
However, as quickly as it all began, just as quickly the relationship came to an end. The fact is that the guy has two children, 9 and 7 years old, from his first marriage. And so, literally a month before the move-in day, the guy's ex said she was planning on taking him off child support. And this, accordingly, would require him to have the children every other week.
Here we need to make an important digression. The OP and her partner had different work schedules - the man usually works from 11am to 8:30pm, while our heroine's schedule is from 6am to 2:30pm. And this, accordingly, will mean that most of the child care tasks automatically fall on the author's shoulders.
The original poster expressed her concerns to the boyfriend, and he literally lashed out at her in response, claiming that if she plans to become a stepmother to his children in the future, then she will have to do it anyway. But our heroine reasonably noted that they weren’t even married yet.
In general, the large-scale quarrel ended with the author breaking up with the man, but now she is tormented by some kind of remorse, wondering if she acted selfishly in this situation and was she actually right here.
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
“It seems to me that something is wrong here. Some suspicions are raised by the speed with which this man actually moved on to the idea of living together - and the coincidence with the news about taking him off child support,” ponders Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment here.
“But in any case, expecting that a partner with whom you have been in a relationship with for only a few months will be a full-fledged caretaker for your children is quite reckless. And it doesn't look entirely decent in relation to both the children and the partner. So I actually can easily understand this woman's reaction."
“No, it’s good that the man is really expecting a long-term relationship - however, so far in his words he has only shown that he sees his girlfriend as a future stepmother to his children. Perhaps there was a prospect in this relationship, but everything looks as if this woman really dodged a bullet here," Irina summarizes.
People in the comments to the original post fully supported the author in her decision, simultaneously accusing her now-ex of just trying to have a free caretaker and babysitter for his kids. "All you did was correct his belief that you were a future stepmother to his children," one person wrote in the comments. "You got played, lady. That guy only sees you as a babysitter. His lashing out is a big giveaway," another one replied.
Moreover, according to some responders, it is quite possible that the guy initially knew what awaited him - and that is why he was in such a hurry with the move-in. "His need for a daily free babysitter and 1/2 rent payer for his kids ran so deep, so fast," one of the commenters was being a tad bit sarcastic yet realistic. And do you, our dear readers, also agree with this interpretation of events?
So the woman decided to break up with him - and received deep support and understanding from the commenters
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
