People Come After This Couple After They Shared They Don't Want Kids And Got The "Snip"

Some people dance from joy when they find out they’re pregnant. Others do it because they’re not. Not everyone is equally excited about the prospect of becoming parents; however, some adults find it somewhat difficult to understand.

TikToker Indianna Knight’s video of her and her husband dancing after he got a vasectomy split the internet into camps. While some supported the views of the happy couple, others believed they might regret it later.

The Sydney-based make-up artist later expanded on the topic in another video, discussing some of the most common things people say when she tells them about the decision not to have kids. She also opened up about how differently she and her husband were treated when they wanted to get surgeries done. Scroll down to find the videos.

Bored Panda turned to the Professor of Healthcare Studies at Salem State University and author of “Women Without Children”, Yvonne M. Vissing, to discuss the topic of choosing to be childfree, and she was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. We also got in touch with Indianna who shared some more of her thoughts on the topic as well. You will find our interviews with them in the text below.

Image source: indiannaknight

"Something that I've realized as a female who doesn't want children is no one will take you seriously. And I don't know if this is just an Australian thing or not. But I went to the doctor and asked if I could get a tubal ligation and they flat-out refused. They said they wouldn't do it until I'd had children, or I was at least 35. And I'm 25. I didn't want to wait 10 years, but thankfully, my husband was very adamant that he would get the procedure done. He's like, "you know, you've done your bit. You have been on birth control, it's my time." So he went in, he had to get a referral, went to the GP. He literally just asked. I said, "Do you know where to go?" He said, "Yes, they printed it." And then he waited. It was about a six-month wait for him to get in. He went to see the surgeon on the day and they literally said, "Do you have kids?" He was like, "no, no." Like, "oh, cool, loads of people are doing that these days." Done. Now when my husband tells people that he doesn't want children, they're like, "why not?" And he's like, "oh, I want to be rich." You know, he makes a joke out of it. Not saying people with kids can't be rich. He just makes a joke because personally, it's not really anyone's business. And then they go "Oh, okay, cool," like they have a laugh. When I tell people that I'm not having children, every single person says, "Oh, but you will, just wait, you will" and I just can't understand that, why is it not normalized that some people don't want to have children?"

"These are the most common responses I get from people when I tell them I'm not having kids, and this is also what I think about them. The most common one is: "The love for your child is the most incredible thing in the world. And you're really missing out. It's so sad, you don't get to experience this. Like, you want to."

I believe you, I do, I'm sure if I had that experience, I would also agree, I truly do believe that it is out of this world. However, you can't miss something that you don't have, or you don't know. So all of the people telling me this are telling me because they have that feeling. I don't have it, I'm never gonna have it unless I have kids. And I'm okay with that. I genuinely feel like I have enough love in my heart. I'm so fulfilled with love for my husband and my pets, and I'm okay to leave it at that."

"The second most common thing I hear all the time, it's not the most polite thing to say. And there are variances of how rude people can be with it. But pretty much: "You're going to be miserable. When you're older, you're going to die alone, and you're going to be so unhappy and regret it."

Now I would never have children for the sole purpose that they could look after me. If I did have kids, I would want them to be out there living their best life, travelling, feeling fulfilled, and I wouldn't even expect them to live in the same town as me if they didn't want to. So that would still be a possibility if I had kids, or if I didn't. I know that I'm going to build such a beautiful network of chosen family and that's enough for me."

"The third thing is: "But what about your family bloodline? Your legacy?" I'm gonna be honest with you, my family doesn't have a legacy.

We haven't really done anything that exciting. And at the end of the day, my maiden name is Knight, Knight is such a common name. There are so many people that can carry that name. And I have my husband's name anyway. So I'm exempt from that. And on my husband's perspective, he has siblings that have already had children. So they're doing that job for him. Not that it's his job or not that he has to. But yeah, just for people that say that."

"The fourth thing is: "Your family must be so sad." And the reality is I know my mom would love grandchildren, but we've spoken about it and she has had her opportunity in life to make her choice. And she chose children and she respects that I don't want them and you know what, she just ends up spoiling my dogs."

"And the final one, probably the most frustrating, is: "You'll change your mind." No, I won't, but to humor you, just to humor this comment, if I did, we can adopt because there are so many beautiful children out there needing a home, but I'm not going to change my mind."

Indianna discussed the couple’s reasons for choosing to be child-free with Bored Panda: “There are, of course, many factors that go into such a huge decision like choosing not to have children. Some of these are quite personal; however, there are some more ‘surface level’ reasons that we are happy to share. At the end of the day, we really don’t see kids fitting into our lifestyle. We are both incredibly ambitious and, while you can be ambitious and successful with children, we feel that it wouldn’t be fair to give less than 100% to our children if we had them and we both know we want to prioritize other things right now.”

“Children take up an enormous amount of time physically and mentally; we believe that unless we are 100% a yes to having children and being prepared to take on that responsibility, then we would rather not have them,” she added.

The caption of Indianna’s video of the couple dancing read “What a time to be alive”, followed by the hashtag ‘dink’—an acronym referring to the ‘dual income no kids’ lifestyle. Investopedia pointed out that such a lifestyle allows couples to save up money or spend it on certain things they enjoy, as they don’t have the additional expenses related to raising children.

A survey conducted by Ruby Home revealed that, when it comes to Gen Z, roughly one in four representatives hope to live a DINK lifestyle in the future (an additional 38% remain undecided). A similar number of Gen Zers say they don’t want to have children. According to a 2022 study, as much as 22% of Americans have their mind set on being childfree.

Author of “Women Without Children” Prof. Yvonne M. Vissing emphasized that there can be many reasons people choose not to have kids. “This could be pursuing one's education, focusing on one's career development or job responsibilities, a lifestyle that includes more time for oneself, or discretionary income.

“It could also be that someone values independence and wants to travel, have relationships with other people as a priority, or find that investing in a relationship with a certain person is more important to them than having children. A child could get in the way of achieving these personal or professional goals,” she added.

“Most people spend the bulk of their life trying not to get pregnant. They do this through the use of contraception, timing of intercourse, choice of partners, or termination of pregnancies. Being child-free is a norm, if you think of it in this way,” Prof. Vissing told Bored Panda in a recent interview.

However, she suggested that there is still significant social pressure to have kids. The author pointed out that one of the first things that women tend to ask other women when they meet is ‘do you have children'. “This is such a wrong-headed thing to say,” she said. “You have absolutely no idea why they don't have children. Perhaps they had children who died, perhaps they miscarried, perhaps they wanted children but couldn't have them for physical, financial, relational, or social reasons.”

“People are often quite insensitive to other people around the issue of family. There is bias in what people say, cultural and familial expectations, and often these do not fit someone's reality or needs. Some people want children and can't have them; some genuinely don't want children and that's OK.” She added that the ‘never say never' attitude assumes that over time physical conditions, relationships, or socio-emotional realities will shift, which might be naive or out of touch with contemporary reality.

In one of her videos, Indianna also mentioned that “you’ll change your mind” is a comment she’s received quite a few times before. “Everyone is very quick to judge and say ‘you’ll change your mind’ or that ‘you will regret this decision’ as soon as we say we aren’t having children,” she told Bored Panda.

“Since speaking about this online, we have received an enormous backlash of negative comments which was honestly quite shocking to us. Comments along the lines of ‘it’s your sole responsibility as a woman to reproduce’, ‘you’re going to die alone and be miserable when you’re older’, ‘you don’t know what you’re doing’, ‘this is the worst decision you can make’, and so forth.”

Indiana shared that there’s a flipside to discussing such a topic online as well. “We have had equal amounts of supportive and beautiful comments from people sharing support and also saying they are in the same boat and relate to how we’re feeling. I didn’t realize until I posted the video that this was such a controversial topic, disrupting the tradition of society’s ‘norm’ and that there are so many women and couples experiencing the same negative feedback and comments. So it has been incredible to provide them a safe little corner of the internet to share their stories and feel like they aren’t alone.”