Cancer sucks. I think we can all agree on that. Breast cancer is particularly hard on women in more serious cases, as they are literally robbed of a part of themselves. Research shows that 80% of women have PTSD symptoms after a cancer diagnosis. Experts also say that adjusting to life after a mastectomy is possibly the hardest part of recovery.
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That's why it's important to grieve your body in a way that's acceptable to you. Even if that's a boob-voyage party. One netizen shared how she asked a friend to organize a goodbye party for her breasts. However, she didn't expect that her boyfriend would get mad over it. Not sure who's wrong in this situation, the cancer survivor decided to check with people online.
To know more about the psychological importance of a 'boob-voyage' party, Bored Panda reached out to Marni Amsellem, Ph.D. She is a licensed psychologist in the New York metropolitan area and the author of Reflections: A Journal Companion for the Cancer Journey. Read her expert insights below!
A woman with breast cancer wished to have some fun with a goodbye party to her boobs before her mastectomy
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
After the surgery, she got into a fight with her boyfriend, who demanded she apologize for throwing the boob-voyage party
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
Image source: Coyote-Psychological
Throwing a campy goodbye party to their boobs can help breast cancer patients regain control
Licensed Psychologist Marni Amsellem, Ph.D., works with individuals adjusting to medical diagnoses, such as cancer. She says that when an individual is dealing with an upcoming mastectomy, they're allowed to cope with it as they see best fit for them.
"The bottom line is that if you're undergoing a mastectomy, it's important to accept and embrace this change however it makes sense for you to do that. For some, it may absolutely make sense to call out this change with fanfare and use it as an opportunity to call together your cheerleaders, who absolutely [want] to support you however you'd like."
Amsellem also explains that a 'boob-voyage' party can help a woman reclaim some of the agency that cancer takes away. "You can gain some control over a situation that you might otherwise not feel like you have a whole lot of control over. It's your decision how you acknowledge this change. It's your decision to see this as an opportunity to embrace this."
The psychologist emphasizes the importance of support from friends and family. "Social support has such an important role in how we cope with challenges," she says. "We all have different methods of coping that may work for us but might not work for someone else. That's part of what makes us who we are."
“Part of supporting our friends is supporting their decisions about how to embrace something challenging, even if that is not what we might do if faced with the same challenge. We can also ask ourselves, ‘Are there any lessons we can learn from our friends and how they are choosing to cope?’”
A boob voyage party helps women cope with the realities of an upcoming mastectomy
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Many women diagnosed with breast cancer choose to have a farewell party for their breasts – a boob voyage. It's their way of saying goodbye to a part of their body that once meant a great deal to their identity but now poses a significant threat to their lives.
It's strange to read that a loving partner would say that such a party is 'tacky' and ask his cancer patient girlfriend to apologize. In reality, once you're diagnosed, you should celebrate all and any little benchmarks.
Blogger and breast cancer survivor Hillary Grigel writes that a boob voyage party is something many breast cancer patients need. "Amidst a hard diagnosis, tough decisions, surgeries and the long road to recovery, this is about a very light-hearted, fun, humorous and joyous celebration."
Planning the party can take a woman's mind off the upcoming mastectomy and the general cancer-induced stress and anxiety. And the party itself gives her much-needed support from her loved ones. "The party wasn't about pity," Grigel recounts her boob voyage party experience. "It was about inviting 'my tribe' into my breast cancer journey."
Another woman, Jaimee Watts, chose to have a boob voyage party to cope with the realities of her double mastectomy. "The party made me feel so special, having all of my best friends around me who love me and were helping me celebrate my breasts was so beautiful," she told Daily Mail. "For me laughter and friends are invaluable. If I couldn't laugh about this then I don't think I would [have gotten] through it like I did."
A mastectomy negatively affects a woman's body image and self-confidence
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Jaimee also told the publication that it's hard to wrap your head around having a mastectomy. It's like cutting off a limb, but that part of your body represents your femininity and sexuality. That's why lots of women start feeling less attractive or less feminine after the surgery. In fact, 30% of the participants in one survey reported that they feel less attractive in the eyes of their partner.
With the loss of self-confidence, some women worry about initiating physical intimacy with a partner. Experts claim it's best to openly talk with a partner about these things. Other treatments like hormone therapy or chemotherapy might affect the libido, causing further strain on an intimate relationship. However, it's a chance for couples to grow together and learn new ways to express love physically and emotionally.
The emotional impact of a mastectomy is no joke. Women might fall into depression even before the surgery. They may question their decision (some choose to have a mastectomy as prevention) and experience anxiety over what will happen in the future. That's why experts advise women in this situation to speak with a professional psychologist or a therapist. Similarly, support from loved ones is also paramount.
Many commenters already called the boyfriend out for his questionable reaction. It's weird when a healthy partner makes a person's cancer diagnosis and treatment about themselves. Patients who receive social support report better quality of life and well-being. A boob voyage party isn't an unreasonable coping strategy, so a loving partner should be able to support their loved one if they choose to have it.
People were appalled the boyfriend had the gall to make it about him
