Planning a big wedding is no joke. You have to think about the venue, the catering, the entertainment. Sometimes, people choose to have child-free weddings – for the benefit of the guests and the children themselves. The problem is that not all guests might like this arrangement. And some might even quietly defy the rules and bring the kids anyway.
This is what happened to the OP of this story. Their weekend wedding had a “no kids outside the immediate family” policy, but one guest decided the rule didn’t apply to her kids. The bride went to r/WeddingShaming to vent about the situation, but the reactions in the comments weren’t exactly what she was looking for.
To know whether weddings without children are popular, Bored Panda reached out to the wedding planners at Wolfer & Co. They were kind enough to tell us whether it's hard to convince parents to leave their kids out of a wedding and how to mediate such conflicts between parents and the newlyweds.
We also reached out to the author of the story. The Redditor was kind enough to chat with us about what she thought of the feedback from the commenters and defended her choice not to cause a scene.
It takes a lot of resources and effort to plan a wedding, so it’s always bothersome when guests decide to ignore the rules
Image credits: Leonardo Miranda / unsplash (not the actual photo)
This bride shared a story of how her husband’s cousin brought her kids despite the wedding’s policy
Image credits: Lee Vue / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Maxime Bhm / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: r/weddingshaming
The OP doesn't dwell on what happened; time with loved ones is what she remembers the best
The author tells us that she decided to post the story simply out of boredom. "I was bored on a Sunday afternoon, scrolling through r/WeddingShaming and thought: "Oh, I have a story like [this]!"
"It's kind of fun to vent, to gossip about bad behavior. It needn't be the defining event of your wedding or life to turn to someone and say, "Oh my God, you think that's bad? Let me tell you about this thing at MY wedding..."
The Redditor tells us that they now joke about the cousin's behavior but admit that she became the villain of the wedding. "Every wedding needs a common enemy," the OP says jokingly. She doesn't harbor any ill feelings towards the cousin. "After a few weeks, all of this drops away. What you remember is the time with friends and family, the feeling of standing up there saying 'I do.'"
"It was such a joyful and fun time. For three days, every time I looked up, there was someone I absolutely adored standing in front of me," the Redditor now reminisces. "Old friends, my husband's pals, family I rarely see – what a gift! Why on Earth would you want to mar that by making some big scene about one person being rude and entitled?"
"The highlight for me was the ceremony itself. I can't imagine anything in life will compare to that. And the parties were a good time, too! Honestly, bitching to my sister about Cousin X while we got our hair done was pretty fun, too."
"People will be jerks. You can't let your obsession with being treated well by everyone take over to the point where you can't enjoy life," the author believes. "I think this is how you get people who spend their life complaining about checkout clerks who are rude. They have to be liked and respected by everyone. How exhausting!"
Child-free weddings are becoming more and more popular
Image credits: Mikael Kristenson / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Wedding planner Jamie Wolfer from Wolfer & Co. says that child-free weddings are definitely a thing. "They're not as rare as you might think. It's becoming more common for couples to opt for an adults-only affair, and that's totally within their right to do so."
"It's all about the kind of atmosphere and experience the happy couple wants to create on their big day. If a serene and uninterrupted evening is what they're envisioning, then waving the no-kids-allowed flag might just be the way to go."
However, the wedding planner says there are things to keep in mind. "Consistency is key. You've got to apply that rule across the board to avoid any family feuds or hurt feelings. It's like setting a dress code; you can't tell one person to rock up in black tie and another in beach casual."
In fact, some parents might want an evening away from their kids
"Convincing parents to leave their little darlings at home for a wedding weekend can be tricky, but not impossible," Jamie Wolfer says. "It really boils down to how you communicate the adults-only vibe. You've got to be as clear as possible about your wishes from the get-go."
Wolfer says that some parents might be happy about the chance for a kid-free evening. "If you set the expectation early and provide the rationale, like wanting to ensure everyone can let their hair down and enjoy the festivities without playing peekaboo or tag, most parents get it."
"They understand that sometimes lovebirds want a reception that's more 'champagne toasts' and less 'duck, duck, goose.' Plus, it's a chance for them to relive the glory days of staying up past 9 PM without a bedtime story in sight."
"If you're worried about ruffling feathers, consider helping out with arranging a local babysitter or a group childcare option," Wolfer suggests.
Don't be afraid to get some backup when dealing with rogue guests
Image credits: Liza Summer / pexels(not the actual photo)
Many commenters accused the OP of being a pushover and not confronting the entitled mom. We asked Jamie Wolfer how the newlyweds can de-escalate such a situation. She says that communication is key.
"A sit-down chat to go over the whys behind the whats can sometimes smooth things over. You'd be surprised how often a little context can turn a rule-breaker into a rule advocate," the wedding planner notes.
Wolfer recommends that the bride and groom (and possibly, other family members) all band together against the "rebel without a cause."
"A united front can work wonders," she observes. If there's a wedding planner – rope them in, too. "Remember that your wedding planner is in your corner, ready to gracefully throw down on your behalf," Wolfer says.
"If we're talking about a full-blown case of wedding drama, remember, you're not the drama; the drama is the drama. Like a bad cold at the office, it just spreads, and before you know it, everyone's sneezing. Sometimes, just acknowledging the expectations and addressing the root cause can cut the tension," the wedding planner explains.
It's perfectly normal to stick to your guns and enforce your wedding day rules
In such cases, there's always the dilemma: who should budge? Should the bride think about accommodating the guests at the expense of her vision of the wedding day? Wolfer recommends the newlyweds put themselves first.
"If you're bending over backward to please every single guest, you might end up with a wedding that's more of a three-ring circus than a harmonious celebration of love," the wedding planner says. "It's about creating a delightful experience, not a personalized concert where every guest is the headlining act."
But that doesn't mean you should ignore the guests' needs. "You want them to have a blast and rave about your wedding for years to come. But there's a line in the sand where your priorities as a couple take precedence. For example, the guest experience is vital, but it's part of a larger puzzle that includes your attire, personal experience, and overall wedding vibe."
"Let's not forget about the little ones, either. Deciding whether to have children at your wedding is a prime example of setting boundaries based on what's best for your event." Wolfer recommends asking yourself: "If you wouldn't take someone out to a fancy dinner on your dime, why invite them to your wedding feast?"
"Ultimately, it's your day, your rules. If guests can't respect that, well, they might just have to miss out!"
The OP also explained why she didn’t want to make a fuss
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