“They Were Being Serious”: 79 Times People Laughed Something Off And Got A Reality Check

These sorts of interactions might shake us a little, as many of us believe we’re quite good at figuring others out. But in reality, they are—or should be—relatively common.

“As a mostly reformed mind-reader myself, I understand the confidence that people ... might feel in their people-reading skills,” says psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson.

“But unless these people-readers outright ask what’s really going on with someone, what they think they see and what’s true are likely to be different more often than not,” adds Gilbertson, author of Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them.

Gilbertson has a number of clients in therapy who rely on reading what they call other people’s “energy.” She encourages these clients to ask her what she’s thinking or feeling if they perceive something in her energy that gives them pause.

“I’m constantly surprised, even shocked, at how my ‘energy’ (read: body language) is interpreted,” she says.

“On the rare occasions when someone gets it right (e.g., ‘You look tired’), I acknowledge that. But when they’re wrong, I’m pleased to provide the valuable service of shaking their faith in their mind-reading skills.”

“It’s easy to believe you’re good at reading faces, vocal tones, or ‘energy’ if you never check in to find out if your read is right. As far as you know, you’re 100 percent accurate,” Gilbertson says.

“I have some stunning news for you. If you ever decide to start testing your guesses, you’ll discover that not only are you wrong sometimes, you’re wrong most of the time. Yes, even you, the very intuitive, pick-up-on-people’s-energy person.”

“You might be good at gauging the overall tone of other people’s moods—a process executed automatically in the neocortex of most people, thanks to our so-called mirror neurons—but you still can’t know that they’re upset because you’re five minutes late,” the psychotherapist explains.

So, in the future, let’s be a little more careful with what we think people are joking about.