83 Parents Who Had To Get Weird And Slightly Unhinged To Get The Job Done

I turn into the "item goblin". Sometimes toddlers be having objects they can't have and if I, mom, a human adult takes it that's tears. But if I crouch down, do a goblin voice and walk goofy or goblin-esc over to them saying "item goblin says no!!" This is silly and usually ends with laughter.

Countdowns as a race. Timers to give the kid something to beat. Kids have no idea what time is, so it can help put it into relation (I guess!). It's my most successful trick for getting ready to leave the house.

I’ve given my kids both room temperature and cold expressed milk since day 1. Never bought a bottle warmer or warmed their milk up (ymmv obvs, I know some babies won’t take it cold).

I also weaponized my son about certain safety things (e.g., that he can’t wear a big coat in the carseat, or now that he’s older that he needs to wear a mask, etc.) as soon as he could talk. If he was riding with someone else and they tried to buckle him in wearing his coat, he’d throw a fit about not being safe. I also explained these things to my in laws, of course, but it was a good extra layer of protection knowing he’d throw a fit on his own behalf if anyone tried to skirt those rules. Kids LOVE enforcing rules on adults ime.

ETA: also, alarms! “Can you set a 10 minute alarm? When it goes off it’s time to put away toys/go to bed/whatever.” Helps with the transition, and also makes the alarm the “bad guy” not me.

- i keep most art supplies in the garage. Out of sight and out of mind means I can bring it out as an ace in the hole (crayons and coloring book readily available)

- I keep toys sets (legos, magnatiles, potato head) in bins in a closet with a lock. They can have 1-2 bins at a time. To get another, they have to clean up. This helps keep their interest and they actually play with the toys, sets together and I don’t have 165926 pieces around the house. They do have other toys with free access. This is just for sets with a lot of pieces.

- dinner is not a battle. I don’t care if it means I’m cooking something for each kid (2 of them) and then my husband and I. They are more willing to try new foods at breakfast or lunch and if they don’t eat as much, I don’t care. I am too tired at the end of the day to battle dinner. Full tummy for bed. Only rule is if you want dessert, you have to have a vegetable.

- snack drawer with items they can pretty much have whatever they want when they want. Various Bars, yogurt raisins, sometimes snack packs of crackers. We try to make this a healthy ish drawer. Anything we want to limit more is out of reach.

If he won’t get dressed, we look up the National Day- oh look, it’s National hot dog day! Let’s find a red shirt and bun colored pants! Ohh can you find mustard socks???? Look at this hot dog guy! (Hehe just thought of ‘I think you should leave’ ).

Glow sticks in the shower for a glow shower...

It’s really bad but… my mother has no teeth (from her genetics she lost her teeth at 30) so I tell my kids that if they don’t brush their teeth, their teeth will fall out like grandmas did because she didn’t brush her teeth either (mom if you see this I’m so sorry but it works).

put anything in an ice cream cone and call it 'yogurt ice cream' or 'potato ice cream'.

Highly suggest "dinosaur time" where you cram a handful of greens into your mouth raw and eat as much as you can.

I told my son when he talks to me crazy it physically makes me sick bc I’m his mom and I made him in my tummy so when he’s bad it makes my tummy ache so when he is being disrespectful or doing something he shouldn’t I start gagging. He’s 8 and it’s still working.

I tell my son mannequins are children that ran away in the store.

When my son is doing something he shouldn’t be, I boo him.

We lie and tell my son we have cameras so anytime I hear him being mean to his brothers or doing something bad I say “ok I’ll just go watch the camera” and then he tells me what he did.

My daughter wouldn't let us take a splinter out of her foot so I told her that she would turn into a tree if she didn't let us take it out. The tree we have in the garden used to be a child called Jamie that lived in our house before us.

Told my daughter that boogers were farts that got stuck in her nose so she’d stop eating them.

Sometimes when my daughter won’t leave the living room to go upstairs for bed I tell her “it’s safe upstairs” shut off all the lights super quick and start growling.

That the babadook likes to eat dehydrated children because it makes their bones crunchier so it important to drink your water so he doesn’t get you.

I told my kids that the rainbow oil stains in parking lots are from kids who got hit by cars for not holding an adults hand.

Child only wants to wear his Spidey shirt? No problem, just buy fifteen different ones so he isn't wearing the same shirt every day.

I pretended to call the dentist after my son refused to brush his teeth and had a fake conversation with the “dentist” and said “I would just like to book my son in for a 26 teeth extraction tomorrow because we don’t need them anymore” my son was like why do I need to have them all removed and I replied with “because teeth are a privilege and some kids don’t have any, so we’re going to donate them to someone else”.