No matter how hard you try, cringe behavior is unavoidable. The fact of the matter is that everyone makes mistakes. No matter how smart and insightful you are, at some point in time, you will mess up. Again and again. And though life experience helps you avoid repeating some of those mistakes, you will—inevitably—fail again. That’s just how life goes.
You can’t control many of the things that happen in life, but you can change how you react to your own mistakes… including legendary cringe-worthy and shameful behavior.
It takes a lot of courage, confidence, and maturity to embrace the cringy, embarrassing, and downright awkward things that you do sometimes. But as difficult as it seems, it’s also healthier than either pretending you never messed up in the first place or regretting your actions for years and years after your embarrassment turns into deep-rooted shame.
Others tend to see you as more down-to-earth and likable when you admit that you’ve messed up. On the other hand, denying that you’ve done something embarrassing can push them away because they might think you’re fake.
Developing a growth-oriented mindset means that you believe that you can meaningfully learn and improve, even if it takes a lot of time. In short, this mindset opens you to more possibilities of success.
On the flip side, having a fixed mindset means the opposite, that you don’t think that you can meaningfully change, despite consistent effort.
As Psychology Today points out, people who have a fixed mindset believe that they’re not good at anything, that they’re often unlucky, that others are better than them, that they can’t learn anything new, that it’s too late to try, and that they’ll fail anyway.
This sort of mindset is very limiting and disempowering.
According to Verywell Mind, shame is the feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that comes from believing that you’ve done something that’s immoral, dishonorable, or improper. This feeling can make you think that there’s something ‘wrong’ with you and can negatively impact your life.
For instance, internalized shame can lead to social withdrawal, avoiding talking, substance misuse, defensive behavior, shaming or bullying others, an overinflated ego or low self-esteem, physical and mental health problems, feelings of loneliness, people-pleasing tendencies, compulsive or excessive behaiors, etc.
That being said, shame also has an evolutionary function and leads to acceptance and belonging. Namely, it helped with the survival of human beings as a species because it helped people adhere to cultural norms, follow laws, and exist as social beings.
Shame becomes an issue when you internalize it and evaluate yourself overly harshly. “This inner critic might tell you that you are a bad person, worthless, or have no value. The truth is, how deeply you feel ashamed often has little to do with your worth or what you have done wrong,” Verywell Mind explains.
Some of the most common shame reactions include worrying about what others think of you, feeling unappreciated or taken advantage of, feeling rejected or inadequate, being scared of looking dumb, and worrying that you won’t be treated with respect.
Other shame-related reactions are things like worrying that you can’t be your true self, being worried about failure, feeling like an outsider, distrusting other people, and avoiding attention.
