Terrible in-laws exist and it seems like their only job is to make life a living hell for the people around them. Whether they’re saying mean things or going out of their way to concoct horrible plans, it’s definitely a nightmare for anyone who has to deal with them. In some cases, it just makes sense to cut them off.
That’s what one woman was forced to do after her terrible mother-in-law tried to cause even more pain when she lost her baby. She eventually made the brave choice to cut all contact with the woman.
More info: Reddit
Woman blocks evil MIL who wanted to hurt her by convincing someone to send her a wedding invitation mentioning she has 3 children even though she had lost a baby
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The poster said that she lost a baby in the second trimester and while she and her husband were struggling with grief, her FIL and MIL acted like it wasn’t a big deal and caused a fight
Image credits: Jep Gambardella (not the actual photo)
The woman would often pay tribute to the child she lost, and whenever she did, her in-laws would make snarky comments, which is why she kept low contact with them
Image credits: Job Ferrari (not the actual photo)
One day she got a wedding invite asking to her RSVP for her 3 kids, and found out that her MIL had sneakily told the relative she had 3 children despite knowing she had lost her baby
Image credits: SmallAdhesiveness672
She and her husband decided to block the MIL and cut her out completely, but they began receiving threatening messages from an anonymous account
The poster shared her difficult experience of having to deal with the loss of her child in her second trimester. As she mentioned, she was dealing with complex feelings of grief and, on top of that, had to console her young kid who had wanted a sister. Research on pregnancy loss finds that it is associated with many short and long-term psychological effects including anxiety, depression, shame, and guilt. Along with all these difficult emotions, she also had to grapple with the words and actions of her devious MIL and FIL.
She told commenters that after her husband informed his family that they lost the baby, her in-laws responded with “fury” and asked if that meant he couldn’t come over that weekend. When her husband explained that he was grieving and taking care of his family, his mother told him that “they were his family first and should get priority.” They kept saying nasty things to the poster and her husband which led to many fights. OP said that “all of this left a very bad taste in our mouth and we started to keep our distance.”
After the loss of their child, the woman kept its memory alive with a birth flower bouquet print and would often speak about the baby. The OP told netizens, “A few family members have reached out and told me that they experienced loss and never told anyone because they felt like they couldn't and they are proud of me, and it helped bond me closer to them.” Every year, nearly 2 million babies are stillborn, despite that there is a huge stigma on opening up about this devastating experience.
Women tend to be shamed if their baby passes away during pregnancy. They are also blamed for the loss of their babies which can add to the trauma and grief that they are already experiencing. The woman elaborated on her MIL’s reaction to her pregnancy loss, saying, “she clucked her tongue and said she's never had that problem [because] her body knows what it's supposed to do with a child. Maybe that was a defense mechanism but it was hurtful.”
The most hurtful thing her MIL did was convince a relative to send her a wedding invitation asking her to RSVP for her 3 children. Her in-laws knew well enough that she had suffered a pregnancy loss and yet her MIL decided to do such a spiteful thing. The poster shared that she felt like she had got a “gut punch” after reading the invitation.
Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Sarah Allen, a psychotherapist in Chicago, IL who has over 25 years of experience working with reproductive mental health issues. She shared that, “losing a baby, no matter at what stage in the pregnancy, is an experience that can deeply affect a woman. It's entirely normal to have an emotional response - from shock and numbness to profound sadness, guilt, and even anger.”
“Women may also grapple with feelings of vulnerability or a sense of failure or disappointment in their body because they weren't able to carry the baby to term. They may also ruminate on what has happened, going over what they did, ate, etc. that could have caused this to happen. Most often a cause isn't found and if you don't know why it happened, things can feel very out of a woman's control,” she added, sharing a useful resource on how to cope after a miscarriage or stillbirth.
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
In such a difficult moment of her life, the poster was looking for support and care from her family. But her MIL’s actions just caused further pain. Dr. Sarah states that, “every woman deals with their feelings after a loss in a different way, so it's crucial to offer personalized support by getting cues from the person you know and love. Some may need practical support as they may not feel physically or emotionally up to doing typical daily life tasks. Other women may just need to know you care. Different women need different things, or the type of support they need may change as they go through the grieving process. However, genuinely expressed empathy to those going through a miscarriage really helps.”
“One way to show empathy is simply by validating the woman's experience. A lot of people don’t know what to say when a loved one, or friend, has experienced a miscarriage but saying nothing and acting like nothing has happened can be very hurtful. Simple yet sincere expressions like ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’ or ‘I am sorry you are going through this, I am here to listen and help anyway I can’ validate the person’s experience by acknowledging their loss and convey the support you want to give,” she added.
Instead, the devious actions of the OP’s in-laws made her consider cutting all contact with them. Initially, she was planning to wait because her MIL’s mother had passed away, and she felt it would be extremely hurtful to go no contact then. But, after the incident with the invitation, she realized it was time. She also told commenters, “a big push for me to finally pull the trigger so to speak is my now five year old telling me that fil makes him feel unsafe and he doesn't like how mil and fil make him feel.”
A study published by the Cornell Family Reconciliation Project found that almost a quarter of Americans over the age of 18 were estranged from a family member. Research on why people cut off family ties states that nobody arrives at that point on a whim. It’s usually a huge violation of their boundaries that finally pushes them over the edge to take the step.
The woman revealed a lot about her history with her MIL in the comments. She told netizens that her in-laws' terrible behavior started even before their wedding. Her MIL would keep mentioning that she “stole” her son from her and saying that she was not family because she wasn’t connected by blood.
The cycle of abuse didn’t just extend to the OP, it also affected her husband. She said that even though she had been affected by their bad behavior for almost a decade, it had been going on much longer for him. As the poster mentioned, finally blocking her MIL gave her a lot of peace and she felt that she could finally breathe. What are your thoughts on the actions of the woman’s in-laws? What would you have done if you were in her place?
Netizens couldn’t believe the woman didn’t cut her MIL off sooner and empathized with the difficult situation she was dealing with
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
