Parenting isn’t an easy job for anyone. You’re on the clock 24/7, and you’re expected to have all of the answers. There’s never an opportunity to call in sick or take a vacation day. And even if your kids are at school or with a babysitter, they’re still going to be the most important thing on your mind.
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But according to one father, spending more time with your children than your partner is something that only moms are expected to do. A frustrated mother recently reached out to Reddit seeking advice after her spouse bragged about being “more of a mom” than she is. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as conversations with the mother who shared this post and parenting expert Sue Atkins.
Parenting can be an incredibly intense job for both moms and dads
Image credits: halfpoint / envato (not the actual photo)
But when this woman's husband tried to brag about how much time he's been spending with their kids, she reached out to the internet for advice
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: CatSonic12
"It really opened my eyes to the fact that I do deserve better"
To find out more information about this situation, we got in touch with the mother who made this post, CatSonic12. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss what's happened since she reached out for advice online.
"I didn’t tell him that it bothered me, but I think he knows based off of comments I’ve said," the mother shared. "'If you’re more of a mom, you do the dishes or make dinner.' He didn’t say he’d stop saying it, because he thinks it’s true," she added.
We were also curious where the mother believes her husband's mindset came from in the first place. "I think he thinks that way because he got so used to not taking care of the kids, that he was just 'dad' for a while," she explained. "10 months is a long time as a stay-at-home mom and to not have to ever watch your kids alone."
"He liked not having to care for someone else. It’s not a new thought for him," CatSonic12 continued. "I asked him why he didn’t say anything like this when he would stay home and I’d work with our first, and he said, 'Time changes things,' whatever what means."
Thankfully, the mom said she appreciated the replies to her post. "It made me feel like I wasn’t crazy for feeling upset about what he said," she shared. "It really opened my eyes to the fact that I do deserve better. He’s a good dad and man but expects so much from me, and he can’t give me what I want."
The mom also added that her husband said he doesn’t feel like less of a man because she earns more than him. "He says it makes him proud to have me, which I believe is true," she noted. "But he did admit he hasn’t tried to make more for me to stay home because he’s comfortable. He said, 'I’m focused on you and the kids.' But I said, 'So am I, but I am also excelling very quickly in my career, and I’m still a [great] mom.'"
In fact, the author shared that she recently heard she might be getting a promotion soon, after only 3 months at her new job. "It’s not because I am less of a mom," she noted. "It’s because while at work, I kick [butt]."
"[My husband] was raised very differently than I was, and [different from] how times are now," CatSonic12 added. "And he expects to raise his kids similarly to the way he was. I do not believe we will be together much longer. There’s a lot more to our relationship than this. But this is a HUGE thing for me that I think he needs a wake up call for."
"Historically, women have been seen as primary caregivers, and despite shifts toward equality, many cultures still implicitly reinforce these roles"
Image credits: Kampus Production / peels (not the actual photo)
We were also lucky enough to get in touch with Sue Atkins to hear her thoughts on this situation. Sue is an internationally recognized parenting expert, broadcaster, speaker, freelance writer and columnist and author of the Amazon best-selling books Parenting Made Easy – How to Raise Happy Children and Raising Happy Children for Dummies.
First, we wanted to know why it's so common for moms to take on the lion's share of responsibilities when it comes to parenting. "Moms often take on the majority of parenting responsibilities due to deeply ingrained societal norms and expectations," Sue shared. "Historically, women have been seen as primary caregivers, and despite shifts toward equality, many cultures still implicitly reinforce these roles."
"Additionally, workplace policies, maternity leave structures, and the 'mental load' of managing family life disproportionately fall on moms," the expert continued. "Moms and dads are often held to different standards. While moms are expected to juggle caregiving and career seamlessly, dads are frequently praised for contributions that are considered routine for moms."
So what kinds of issues can it create when a father assumes that his partner will be the primary caretaker for their kids? "It can lead to resentment, burnout, and imbalance in the relationship," Sue noted.
"Moms may feel undervalued and overwhelmed by the constant demands of managing both their personal and family lives. This dynamic can also deprive dads of the opportunity to bond deeply with their children, creating a gap in the parent-child relationship," the parenting expert explained. "Over time, it can reinforce gender stereotypes, negatively influencing how children view parenting roles."
"Families thrive when both parents contribute meaningfully and share the joys and challenges of raising children"
Image credits: Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo)
But thankfully, there are things parents can do to restore balance in their relationships. "Open and honest communication is key," Sue told Bored Panda. "Moms should discuss expectations, responsibilities, and concerns with their partner without assigning blame."
"Grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, when the kids are in bed, or go out for coffee to chat through this topic with your partner," she suggests. "It’s a good idea to jot down a few ideas of what you want to say beforehand so you keep to the goal of the conversation."
Sue also says a practical step is to list all parenting and household tasks and decide together how to split them more equitably.
"Encouraging dads to take an active role in specific areas, like school pickups or bedtime routines, can help establish consistent involvement," she explained. "Using shared calendars or apps to organize responsibilities can make the division of labor clear. It’s also important for moms to let go of the idea that they need to do everything perfectly and trust their partner's approach to parenting!"
Finally, the parenting expert noted that "fostering an equal parenting dynamic benefits everyone in the family. Dads should feel empowered and encouraged to take a more active role, and societal change can be achieved by normalizing dads as equally competent caregivers."
"Additionally, workplaces should offer more support for fathers, such as paternity leave and flexible schedules, to help dismantle outdated gender roles," Sue added. "Families thrive when both parents contribute meaningfully and share the joys and challenges of raising children."
Readers were extremely supportive of the mother and called out her husband for his inappropriate comment
