Family members should help one another out so that they can make each other’s tasks feel easier, instead of leaving one person with the entire burden. Unfortunately, this seems to be the case for quite a few folks whose loved ones just aren’t willing to do their share at all.
This is exactly what one woman faced in her household because her dad and brother expected her mom to cook, clean, and do everything for them. That’s why the woman finally decided to take a stand and stop enabling them when her mother went out of town.
More info: Reddit
In certain traditional cultures, women are expected to manage the household responsibilities, while men are told to focus on work
Image credits: SkelDry / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that even though her dad was in his fifties, he had never cooked, and his wife therefore had to manage it all on her own
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Since the poster had learned how to cook at the age of 12, her mother expected her to take over the responsibilities when she was not around
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Eventually, when the poster’s mom went out of town, she decided not to enable her dad and brother anymore and told them they’d have to cook for themselves
Image credits: evelyn_archen
Even though both the man and the teen managed to cook, the dad was annoyed at his daughter and said her boundary was quite “cruel”
It seems like, since the poster was from a Nepali background, she had been raised in quite a traditional home where her mom was expected to manage all the household chores. That’s why her dad and brother had also not learned how to cook, and never even tried to make a meal for their family.
According to experts, the reason this kind of setup might be reinforced is that, in certain families, the women might only be allowed to work in the home, while men are expected to manage the finances. Therefore, they might grow up believing that to be the only way of life, and may then struggle to do things differently.
That’s why when the OP’s mother went out of town for three days, the poster was expected to cook every meal for her father and brother. The thing is, she was tired of her mom always enabling them and decided to force them to do their own tasks, which they were very reluctant to do.
It can definitely be difficult for women to stand up to traditional gender expectations, but professionals share that it’s important to do so for one’s own peace of mind. Although you might not be able to change other people’s thought processes in one go, it can help make things better for you.
Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Even though the OP had tried to be firm with her father and brother, she still cooked rice and quinoa for them. They only had to fry a few potatoes and make some omelettes, which they still complained about having to do. Luckily, the woman decided to stay firm in her decision and let them manage things on their own.
Unfortunately, the poster’s dad was quite unhappy about her actions, and he called her cruel for standing up to him. He also stated that she was four times worse than her mother, mainly because she had been so strict to make him cook his own meals.
In situations like this, it might be easy to give in to a parent’s guilt-tripping, but it may also end up reinforcing harmful behavior. That’s why advisors state that people should be confident in the boundaries they have set, and understand that it’s okay for the other person to feel a bit uncomfortable due to them.
Luckily, one good outcome of the poster’s firm stance was that her brother finally understood her and her mother’s point of view. He therefore apologized for not helping out and promised to cook and clean more often. Hopefully, the poster’s dad also learns from his son’s example and starts working toward having a more equal household.
Do you think the woman did the right thing by forcing her dad and brother to cook when her mom was away? We’d love to hear your honest thoughts on this story.
Folks were proud of the poster for standing her ground and were shocked by her father’s chauvinistic behavior
