Several languages have some sort of variation of the saying “Don't look a gift horse in the mouth” meaning that if you get a gift, you appreciate it and do not look for flaws. You don’t get to criticize it, because the person was kind enough to spend their money and time on something they thought would make you happy.
This woman on Reddit needed a reminder of that when she came to complain about her dad gifting her tickets to Cirque du Soleil, but only because he got an upgrade and those tickets were spare. She didn’t consider it a gift and it caused an argument in her family, so she wanted to know if she was wrong for the way she reacted.
More info: Reddit
Woman causes a family argument and gets told to grow up when she is looking a gift horse in the mouth
Image credits: Focka (not the actual image)
The parties involved in the argument are the Original Poster (OP) who is 22 years old, her boyfriend who is 28, her dad who is 45 and her dad’s wife who is over 30. It all started during a dinner a few months ago when OP’s dad mentioned that he and his wife got tickets to Cirque du Soleil.
It’s a very famous circus that produces impressive shows that include features of a circus, acrobatics and dance performance. According to Ticket Master, the average price you would pay for their show is over $200 and for VIP tickets you would need to cough up up to $600.
During dinner, the poster's dad told her that he and his wife were going to see Cirque du Soleil, which intrigued the woman
Image credits: u/TAleftout123
When the OP told her dad that she and her boyfriend would love to see the show as well, the man took note of that and a few days later, the OP already had tickets and they were all driving together to enjoy the spectacle.
However, the daughter found out that her dad didn’t buy the tickets specially for her - they were actually the tickets that her dad and stepmom originally had. Now the couple had new tickets with an upgrade and VIP access with special seating, separate bathrooms and free alcohol.
The dad took note of his daughter's interest and gifted her two tickets to go with them and take her boyfriend as well
Image credits: u/TAleftout123
The way the OP saw the situation was that when his wife wanted an upgrade, he did that for her and because he now had extra tickets, he thought to give them to his daughter, which didn't feel like a real gift, but more like scraps.
It wasn’t the first time the daughter felt inferior to her stepmother, so the ticket situation upset her. However, neither her dad nor stepmom understood her and she was actually told to grow up.
What upset the daughter was that her dad didn't buy her tickets, but bought himself and his wife new ones, giving the original ones to her
Image credits: Joe Loong (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/TAleftout123
In the comments the woman talked a bit more about why she felt as hurt as she did. She grew up poor, so she didn’t go on extravagant trips or to dinners and events, but after marrying his current wife, the dad got a college degree and started earning good money.
But he only uses that money to spoil his wife and not his daughter. The OP also doesn’t think that he contributed enough for her college, which she is now attending because the money which he put into her funds was invested and is now worth more because of that.
It didn't seem like a genuine gift, especially because the dad would always spoil his wife but never his daughter, so the daughter spoke up
Image credits: u/TAleftout123
People in the comments gave the woman a reality check, reminding her that she is already an adult and she shouldn’t expect her dad to pay for her and take her on trips or to fancy events. He was kind enough to give her tickets to a show she wanted to go to without expecting her to pay for them and she should have been grateful for that.
That being said, it might be that the issue here is not the gift itself, but maybe the daughter felt neglected and felt that her dad was favoring his wife. It may be possible because she mentioned that his wife always gets treated to dinners and trips more.
Neither the dad or his wife understood why the 22-year-old was upset, so she was called spoilt and was told to grow up
Image credits: u/TAleftout123
However, in general, it is common to be disappointed in a gift because either you think that the person didn’t think through it enough, or because you thought they knew and valued you more.
Vice says that there is a difference if someone who gifted you an unthoughtful gift doesn’t really know you or knows you really well. Also, there are people who don’t particularly value gift giving, so they don’t put much effort into it, while others truly try and put thought into it, but just don’t meet your expectations.
They suggest to not say anything when you get an off present from a relative or coworker who doesn’t know you really well and was just trying to come up with something. But if a gift from someone you truly cherish and expect them to feel the same about you upsets you, then maybe the issue lies somewhere else in the relationship and the gift is just a sign of it.
Image credits: Katy Sunderman (not the actual image)
Do you think that the OP was right to tell her dad that his gift for her wasn’t a real gift? Or do you think she should have been grateful that her dad listened to her when she said that she would like to see a show like that? Do you feel the same way when you have in mind that the daughter feels her dad never gave her as much as he now gives to his wife? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
People in the comments agreed with the parents' stance because the woman is an adult and her dad was already being generous
