Coping with the loss of a parent is one of the most challenging things anyone can go through, but having to accept another person as a new parent on top of that can be a truly herculean task.
For one Redditor, he isn’t willing to accept his dad’s second wife as family, something that’s leading to a fair amount of friction between him and his father. He’s adamant that he’s not there to fix his dad’s “dumb mistake” of getting married again, but his dad thinks he’s out of line. Now he’s turned to Reddit to ask if he’s being a jerk.
More info: Reddit
Accepting a parent’s new spouse can be tough for kids, but for this teen it’s non-negotiable
Image credits: Vladimir Kudinov / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
After finally growing to really like his dad’s girlfriend, his dad broke up with her, saying she wasn’t being enough of a mom
Image credits: Oliver Ragfelt / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
His dad then remarried with the aim of providing a mother figure for him, something he never asked for and didn't want
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
He’s refused to accept his dad’s wife as a mom and says he has no plans to either
Image credits: Pleasant_Music8595
His dad says they could be a great family, but the teen wants no part of it and turned to the web to ask if he was being a jerk
OP begins his story by telling the community that his mother died when he was five, adding that he can still remember her, just not that well. Two years later, his dad started dating again and met Mara. While OP was upset about the relationship at first, Mara gradually won him over and they became great friends.
Three years later, and much to OP’s surprise, his dad broke up with Mara and told him she wasn’t putting in enough effort when it came to being a mom. He told his dad he didn’t want a new mom and wouldn’t call someone else mom, either. OP goes on to say that, within a few months, his dad met Stacey, a single mom with a two-year-old daughter.
By the time he was 12, OP’s dad had married Stacey, who was very keen on the idea of assuming the role of his new mom, something OP had no interest in, and, once again, repeated to his dad. Fast forward to OP’s 16th birthday, and his dad suddenly seemed to realize he had been very serious about not wanting a second mother.
OP says that his dad pulled him aside a few days later, telling him that, if he gave it a chance, they could be really happy together but, if things didn’t change, the marriage might be in jeopardy. OP doubled down, telling him he had no intention of changing his stance and that it wasn’t his fault his dad had made a stupid decision.
From what we can tell reading OP’s post, it seems like the communication between son and father could use a lot of work. After all, OP’s dad just ignored his protests year after year and sort of steamrolled him into the mess they’re now in.
Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)
In his article for Psychology Today, Dan Mager writes that, although most of us are born with the ability to hear, listening is a process that requires our conscious attention and active participation, beginning with honoring the preconditions for listening.
Mager goes on to say that these preconditions are made up of being mentally and physically ready, setting an intention, making a commitment, and being willing to allow your children to complete their message.
Things that can signal that you’re actively listening might include turning toward your child and making eye contact, switching off the TV, letting your phone go to voicemail, and basically quitting all distractions for the length of the conversation, as long as it takes.
This can help your child feel like what they have to say truly matters to you and always comes first. Acknowledge what your child has to say by providing feedback, either verbally or nonverbally, encourage them to continue speaking, and use questions to clarify their statements or create further context of their situation.
In a blog for MyFamilyWizard, the author suggests five strategies to improve parent-child communication. First, they recommend getting to know how your child communicates. This can help you understand the best way to connect with them, whether they talk a lot or are more reserved and thus more likely to open up during quiet time.
Second, avoid lectures. They won’t help you get through to your child any quicker. Rather than prolonging a conversation that’s going in circles, take a break to reconsider what you want your child to pick up the next time you speak.
Third, listen up. Be an active listener and, when it’s your turn to speak, validate their feelings by letting them know they’ve been heard. Fourth, tell positive stories, but carefully consider your child's age and maturity level before sharing. Finally, find time to talk every day - even if it’s in the car or over breakfast - it can make a big difference.
What do you think of the situation OP finds himself in? Do you think his dad will ever get the message? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, Redditors agreed that he wasn’t the jerk, and blamed the dad for not listening to him for years
