Daughter’s Vacation Trauma Comes Back To Haunt Her As Holiday Looms, Parent Turns A Blind Eye

If you’re one of the older kids in the family, you are likely well familiar with babysitting, as it’s not uncommon for parents to ask or expect help with looking after the little ones.

But not all siblings are equally eager to spend their time making sure that their beloved annoying brother or sister is safe and sound; especially while on vacation. This redditor’s adult children seemingly weren’t. When the parent bought a family vacation, they expected that the older siblings would look after the little ones at least a couple of nights during the getaway, but the kids weren’t too happy with such an arrangement.

You don’t have to be a firstborn to know what it’s like to have to watch over the little ones in the family; middle children are not exempt from it, either, nor are only children with younger cousins, for instance. Since many people are familiar with such child care arrangements, they might not think twice about it - helping parents out is rather commonplace, if not expected, in many families. But some people doubt that that should be the case, bearing in mind that the children don’t choose to bring kids into this world, nor do they ask for the responsibility of looking after their siblings.

In some cases, such arrangements entail not much more than lending a helping hand every once in a while, which might not have significant negative outcomes. However, under certain circumstances—growing up with an abusive parent, for instance—children assuming the role of a caregiver can be seriously detrimental to their own well-being.

Known as parentification, the phenomenon of children undertaking developmentally inappropriate parent-like roles and responsibilities (usually parenting their own parent, or in some cases, their siblings) can lead to them having to bear a load way too heavy for their age. A study from 2023 found that parentification might lead to children perceiving “their obligatory adult roles negatively, as unfair and ‘robbing’ them of their childhood, and experiencing stress, role overload, and resentment”.

The study suggested that parentified youth might have limited opportunities to learn, observe, and utilize positive coping strategies, which usually derive from parental influence. However, under some—less severe and detrimental—circumstances, parentification or dimensions of parentification were reportedly linked with beneficial outcomes such as social competence.

When kids are not involved to the extent of parentification, helping moms and dads with looking after their siblings is not necessarily a bad thing. Some would even argue that spending time with one’s brothers and sisters—even if they wouldn’t necessarily choose to do that themselves at that time—might lead to a better relationship between the siblings in the long run.

For quite a few people, that tends to be the case. You might second the idea if you were an older sibling who couldn’t go outside unless you took your little brother with you, for instance; or if you were the said little brother, blissfully unaware of the price your sibling had to pay in order to go outside, and simply happy to be there. Though at that time, it likely was annoying, chances are, you now have a close relationship with your sibling.

According to Gitnux, brothers and sisters tend to spend more time together than they do with their parents or friends; and whether consequently or not, as many as four-in-five people say they have a positive relationship with said person they spend so much of their lives with.

It’s unclear how good of a relationship the redditor’s kids have; however, their daughter said that she doesn’t mind babysitting her younger siblings. In her case, the problem was not spending time with the little ones but the fact that her parent didn’t ask for help or discuss the arrangement with the older children first before making plans for the vacation. Quite a few redditors sided with the daughter, saying that the OP didn’t handle the situation quite well.