Adjusting to life in a blended family takes time, patience, and empathy from all sides. What you certainly don't need is anyone trash talking a bio parent. Doing so can confuse kids, breed resentment, and crucially, put the brakes on creating a loving environment.
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For one teen, he couldn’t believe his ears when he overhead his dad and stepmom insulting his bio mom behind her back. As revenge, he started calling his stepmom by her first name only, instead of "mom", and now his dad is angry about it.
More info: Reddit
Blended family life can come with its challenges, but this teen’s dad and stepmom crossed a line
Image credits: Jonathan Borba / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When he was a kid, the teen called his stepmom ‘mom’, something the dad told his bio mom all about
Image credits: Mike Moloney / agency (not the actual photo)
Afterwards, his dad told his stepmom that his bio mom looked hurt by the news, and the couple proceeded to trash talk her behind her back, but the kid overheard them
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
As revenge, the kid started calling his stepmom only by her first name, something the dad instantly blamed his bio mom for
Image credits: Tall-Lengthiness-330
The kid told him it was his own fault, though, for disrespecting his real mom, but ultimately turned to the web to ask if he’s the jerk in the situation
OP begins his story by telling the community that his parents divorced when he was a baby, and his dad remarried when he was 5. He adds that, when he was 7, he started calling his stepmom “mom” without being asked to, but did because that’s what felt most natural to him.
His dad ended up telling his bio mom about it, and she allegedly looked really hurt by it, something the dad and his wife secretly gloated about later. But OP overheard them.
From that day on, OP refused to call his stepmom by anything other than her first name. He goes on to say that he didn’t feel like his stepmom deserved to be called “mom” anymore, and his dad didn’t deserve it either. Well, the change was noticed, and OP’s dad tried forcing him into calling his stepmom “mom” over the years, but OP wouldn’t budge.
Interestingly, when one of OP’s half-siblings started calling his bio mom “mom”, it immediately caused a ruckus, and OP’s dad and stepmom put a swift stop to it.
Now that OP’s in his senior year at high school and nearly 18, his dad has been more vexed about the “mom” thing and brought it up with OP’s stepmom in the room.
According to OP, his dad told him he shouldn’t let his mom influence his decision on who he gets to call “mom” and said it seemed sad that his stepmom was called “mom” for a while but that stopped.
OP lashed back, telling him it wasn’t his mom’s fault, it was his dad and stepmom’s fault for trash talking his mom years ago.
Furious, OP’s dad first accused him of lying, then of being obnoxious by holding a grudge and being too willing to assign all the blame to them. Now OP’s asking Redditors whether or not he’s being a jerk.
This scenario has it all: entitlement, hypocrisy, and slander, all on the part of the dad and the stepmom. Their behavior seems nothing short of atrocious and, now that they’re feeling the consequences, they’re trying to make it OP’s problem.
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev / Pexels (not the actual photo)
In her article for Parents, Kate Bayless writes that, as a stepparent, you instantly grow your family, but becoming a stepparent and creating a blended family can be far from simple.
Psychologist Patricia Papernow, Ed.D., a member of the National Stepfamily Resource Center's expert council and author of Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships: What Works and What Doesn't, says, "A stepfamily is a fundamentally different structure, and it makes a different foundation for relationships than a first-time family."
Bayless goes on to list 9 things a stepparent should never do, unless they want to cross a web of boundaries.
Among other things, she suggests you don’t try to take the other parent’s place, don’t physically punish your stepkids, never assume a position of authority or badmouth the ex (especially not in front of kids), and, at all costs, never, ever, interfere with co-parenting discussions.
While OP’s dad and stepmom could benefit from reading Bayless’ list, there’s still the issue of their hypocrisy to deal with. How can they expect OP to call the stepmom “mom” when they harshly forbade their own kid to call OP’s bio mom “mom”?
In her article for Psychology Today, Krystine Batcho Ph.D. writes that hypocrisy can inflict considerable harm and threaten the core of meaningful personal interactions. If hypocrisy is uncovered, being duped is a two-edged sword, since we can feel angry at the one who deceived us and furious at ourselves for falling for the deception.
We might be quick to identify hypocrisy in others, but are we as aware of our own inconsistencies?
Batcho says research suggests that people are reluctant to consider their own behavior to be hypocritical. They’re more critical of others when giving examples of someone who was a hypocrite and more self-affirming when recalling an example of their own hypocritical behavior.
It looks like OP's dad and stepmom need to take a long, hard look in the mirror before their projecting makes things even worse than they are.
What do you think of OP’s situation? Is he being a jerk, or are the real jerks here the stepmom and dad? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, Redditors swiftly concluded that the dad and stepmom were straight-up hypocrites and jerks for belittling his mother behind her back
