When a person becomes a parent, they sign up for a role of a lifetime, no matter how cliche it sounds. Yet, as with everything else in life, it evolves with time. At first, you're responsible for an individual who can't fend for themselves, but with time, they become independent. When the main task of raising a person is done, it doesn't mean everything suddenly becomes easier.
The creator of today's video can advocate for that. In fact, that's what his video is about – struggling to let go and being blue that you're an empty nester.
More info: TikTok
Being a parent is a role that evolves with time, but it never goes away
Image credits: jeff_pearlman
A TikToker and writer, Jeff Pearlman, posted a video on his account talking about empty nester blues
Time flies. We’re all aware of this saying, and we can’t deny that it’s true, can we? There could be many causes for that.
For some people, time flies because they struggle with its management. Maybe they procrastinate, multitask, or simply can’t properly plan it. It could also be due to the rapidly changing technological advancements that keep changing our lives.
At the same time, it could be due to psychological factors. In fact, there are quite a lot of theories explaining why the same durations might feel different.
For instance, perhaps you’ve noticed that time used to go way slower when you were a child. Well, some say it’s because when we’re kids, we’re exposed to a lot of new things and experiences. The more new information a person's brain has to take in, the slower time seems to go. Then, as we get older, we don’t experience as many things for the first time, so the time appears to go by faster.
Image credits: jeffpearlmanauthor
He sent his kids off to college, and a few days later, he realized that from now on, he's an empty nester
It also can be due to an individual's state of consciousness. For instance, when a person is paying attention to the time, it goes slower, but when they’re more relaxed, time goes quicker. Or that when we’re little, we store less detailed memories, which leads us to believe time flew by faster.
Since, as we acknowledge, time flies by, we should all appreciate it, especially the time we spend with our loved ones, right? Well, we think TikTok user @jeffpearlmanauthor would agree. To be more specific, he’s Jeff Pearlman, an American writer, who besides writing, creates TikTok videos on various topics. With such an activity, he gathered over 115k followers.
The reason why we said that he would agree with the sentiment about the memories is because he basically said it in one of his videos, which collected over half a million views. In it, the creator talked about how sad he got after realizing he had become an empty nester. In fact, he even called the video “empty nester blues.”
Image credits: pvproductions / Freepik (not the actual photo)
It dawned on him while he was grocery shopping and wanted to buy pumpkins and Halloween candy out of habit, but he realized he didn't need to anymore
The term he used refers to people whose children have grown up and moved out, thus leaving them with an empty “nest.” It’s normal for these folks to develop some blues, just like J. Pearlman did. Their identity tends to be tightly associated with their role in a family. So, when changes occur, it’s normal to feel a little distraught.
In this video, Jeff opened up about grasping the reality of it all when he was grocery shopping. Out of habit, he wanted to buy pumpkins and Halloween candy, but he realized there were no kids under his roof who needed them. In an interview with Bored Panda, Jeff revealed that he misses Halloweens with his kids, as in his words, it's the "Best holiday around—no religious obligations, no long sermons. Just candy."
He also shared that he loved doing a haunted house with his kids: "First, in our basement when we lived in New York. It was elaborate, and all the neighborhood kids would both work in it as goblins, ghosts, etc. and walk through it. Then, when we moved to SoCal in 2014, I started doing a fundraising haunted house for the elementary school. My son would work it as a character, and my daughter would work the front entrance. It was so fun."
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Watch the video here:
So, he advised parents not to take such moments with their kids for granted, as they'll be done before they know it
Then, he advised other parents not to take these moments with their kids for granted. Time goes fast, and before you know it, you’ll be missing it. See, we told you he said that. In fact, he reiterated this idea in the interview: "Time flies, and even though it can feel painful and exhausting, you need to try your best to slow everything down and capture the moments."
Comments under the video showed that he wasn’t the only person feeling this way. Parents there shared their struggle with adapting to the empty nester label. For example, one woman said she sobbed when she realized she unintentionally bought her son’s favorite candy. Another father said that even 5 years later, he still struggles with it.
Well, as Jeff pointed out in the video, it's an adjustment. It’s normal that it takes time to click. In the interview, he said that being a father shaped him in 800,000 different ways. The moment he became one, he took on the responsibility of providing guidance and love to the little ones: "It's an enormously important weight to carry—and, I think, going through it makes you a better person."
Since being a parent is a role that a person remains in for the rest of their lives, it’s normal if the changes never fully click. Just because a child moves out doesn’t mean a parent stops being one, which is both scary and beautiful, isn’t it?
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The comments prompted other parents to share their own experiences with empty nester blues
