Favoritism is one of those things that we know we shouldn't practice, yet we often find ourselves falling prey to all because we’re human. But it goes double for parents.
It’s no problem with one kid, but when you have multiple, it’s hard not to pick a favorite. It’s a big no-no, but it’s something that often is forced upon us by our own minds.
But, sometimes—sometimes—it’s not the case, but someone finds a reason to call favoritism. And then you write an AITA post about it. And now we’re here.
More Info: Reddit
Vacationing on a cruise is a nice idea, even if you have kids as the ship alone could keep them busy with engaging exploration and activities
Image credits: Samson Bush (not the actual photo)
But when your daughter takes initiative for engaging a sibling on top of it, and you reward her, that should be a good thing, right?
Image credits: InitialCombination12
The wife begged to differ, as she felt like it was unfair, a certain kind of favoritism on the dad's part, causing a conflict between them
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
A dad of 4 by the Reddit nickname of u/InitialCombination12 recently touched on the topic of favoritism from personal experience.
The family of 6—the dad, the mom, and 4 kids ages 20, 16, 13 and 7—took a kid-friendly cruise as part of their vacation. The eldest was doing his own thing most of the time, with the second oldest kinda being on the same regime.
I say kinda because while both were choosing activities on their own, the teen was more often than not also including the youngest because he did not want to partake in his prescribed activities. The only condition realistically was that they’d be available if need be and they’d spend mealtimes with the family.
But what ended up happening is the 16-year-old daughter would often hear the 7-year old saying he’d rather do whatever she said she was doing than whatever was in store for him. And she’d be an amazing sport and would invite him to join her on some of her activities. While some would consider that babysitting, she was free to not take him anywhere, but the kid’s amazing for her love for her siblings.
So, in light of this, the dad decided to treat her to anything from the gift shop. This ended up being an $80 dress. However, mom saw this whole situation as favoritism. Why did the daughter get a dress, but none of the other kids got something too?
Well, they got a cruise that costs thousands of dollars. And they didn’t bother to show the same amount of involvement and care, let alone unasked, as the 16-year-old did. Makes sense? The Mrs. wasn’t buying it. So much, in fact, that it turned into a bit of a row.
Image credits: Meruyert Gonullu (not the actual photo)
But you know who’s good at judging this sort of thing? The Am I The A-Hole? community on Reddit. Across the board, folks declared him not the bungball, essentially explaining that this was the wife channeling something on the kids’ behalf and not the kids calling out the favoritism.
Did the kids even notice the dress, let alone know how much it cost? According to OP, likely not really. As another comment stated, it’s very probable they didn’t even care even if they did notice. OP also added that the wife might be reflecting it because she might not get how boys (or men) work.
Others took the opportunity to praise the daughter, saying she deserved the reward and there’s nothing wrong with that. The top commenter actually elaborated that the wife mayhaps doesn’t get that her daughter isn’t a default babysitter and that this is an extra mile, not a given. One that should be rewarded.
It goes without saying that if the wife wants to acknowledge the other kids, it should be done with their responsibilities included too.
Image credits: RF._.studio (not the actual photo)
There’s actually quite an interesting read by the National Museum of American History as to what babysitting means to girls, with the tagline it’s complicated.
The article deals with examining the various reactions girls had to their memories of babysitting. It drew a number of conclusions as to what it ultimately meant to them given the broader context.
In some examples, babysitting turned out to be a kind of rite of passage. Having started to babysit at 10 to 11 years of age, a number of girls thought of it as an educational experience, one that taught them everything from the value of money to responsibility, and helped them appreciate the experience and the relationships they’ve developed over that time.
Others expressed the lack of respect and gratitude that comes with being a default caretaker in a family that relies on one of the kids—typically a daughter—to care for her siblings for the benefit of the family. It was a necessary evil of sorts.
In addition to the negatives, some see it as having their childhood being taken away (remember us talking about parentifying kids some weeks ago?), but it’s kinda sorta veiled as a way for kids to chip in in the family. Everyone gets to play. Except it’s all work and no play.
There’s more, and the article provides deep, first-hand examples, so be sure to check that out. But before that, also check out the comment section and mayhaps leave some of your commentary there? Please?
Redditors didn't see a problem, though, saying the wife is in the wrong and that the dad should be proud of his daughter
