Do you know what the Mohs scale is? It's a scale that measures how hard different materials are – like gypsum is a 2, and a diamond is a perfect 10. If we used the Mohs scale for human relationships, trust would probably be around a 1.
Trust between people is actually super fragile – like a priceless antique porcelain piece. One careless word or move can totally shatter it, and it might take years to fix. This is roughly what happened to the author of our story today and her adult daughter.
More info: Reddit
Human trust is incredibly fragile, like a piece of porcelain – just one careless touch, and it's shattered
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post has a 21-year-old daughter whose father literally kicked her out of the house when she came of age
Image credits: seventyfour / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The daughter went across the country for college, but the dad refused to cover her tuition, breaking his earlier promise
Image credits: namii9 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Then, three years later, the daughter reached out to them and asked if she could come back, for personal reasons
Image credits: Throwaway_yzv
The author did her best to get her daughter involved in various mom-daughter activities, but she just kept dodging her
The original poster (OP) remembers that when her husband's daughter turned 18, he basically kicked her out after a fight. She could've stepped in and talked to her husband, but she just went along with him instead.
The daughter moved across the country for college, but her dad didn’t help pay the tuition as he had promised. So, she worked different jobs for a year to save up and also took out some student loans.
Then, three years later, the daughter had to move back home. She said she couldn’t pay rent, and the original poster pretty much begged her husband to let her stay for a bit. Then they found out the daughter had lied to them. Turns out, her boyfriend – who was twice her age – had actually kicked her out.
Since then, our heroine hasn’t stopped trying to patch things up with her daughter. But the 21-year-old kept dodging her, always saying she was too busy or not feeling well. The mother tried to involve her in various activities she loved so many years ago, but to no avail.
Eventually, the daughter snapped and yelled that her mom wasn’t picking up on the hints – she didn’t want to hang out. She said living at her parents’ was just something she had to do, and that her mom was invading her space. Feeling totally crushed, the author turned to the internet for advice.
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
"On the one hand, this is a question of family separation, and on the other, a question of lost trust on the part of the daughter," says Maria Kryvosheeva, a psychologist and NLP coach, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. "We certainly don't know what exactly happened between this woman's daughter and her husband, but the fact remains – she was kicked out of her family home, and her trust was betrayed."
The mom could’ve taken her daughter’s side and helped fix things, but she backed her husband instead, the expert believes. As a result, she likely irrevocably lost her daughter's trust. And, apparently, in the three years since the conflict, nothing has actually changed in the relationship between the parents and their adult child.
"If this woman so wanted to mend her relationship with her daughter, if she felt guilty towards her, then she should've started with an apology, rather than trying to trick her into 'mother/daughter time.' Trying to pretend nothing happened isn't the best way to make peace after a long-standing conflict," Maria Kryvosheeva summarizes.
Well, if the original poster was hoping for some support online, she didn’t get much. A bunch of commenters also said she lost her daughter’s trust, and she probably can’t really call her family anymore. They also said pretending everything’s fine won’t get her anywhere.
And you know what? Looks like our heroine finally gets the mistake she made and the hurt she caused her daughter. In an update, she said she’s going to apologize, talk things over with her spouse, and help their daughter with those student loans. So, do you, our dear readers, think this will help them make peace one day?
Most commenters backed the author's daughter, claiming that the mom had lost her trust and needed to mend it first
