Planning a wedding can be stressful. Especially if it’s a destination wedding. There’s lots to think about, and have in place before the big day. Sometimes the best laid plans go awry. And if they do, it’s not always a big deal. You might get away with forgetting a few small things. And you might even be forgiven for missing some of the bigger things. But when you forget about an immediate family member, there’s bound to be drama.
One couple learned the hard way when they forgot to include their daughter in their island wedding plans. The teen also claims they lied about why she wasn’t at the ceremony. When she cooked up a plan of her own to seek revenge, she wasn’t prepared for the backlash. The teen is now regretting what she did, and wonders if she went too far. Bored Panda reached out to her to find out more.
The teen's parents had been together for ages but had never gotten married
Image credits: halfpoint / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
When the dad eventually proposed, and they started planning a wedding in Hawaii, their daughter was super excited
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Zhivko Minkov / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: maksymiv / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Daria_Nipot / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Forgotten_child9
Image credits: Dev Asangbam / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The teenager says she's felt a range of emotions recently
"It's kind of difficult to say how I felt exactly when I saw those pictures because, to be honest, I've been kind of a mess since they told me I couldn't go. I guess at first I felt numb but when I saw the lie about the Covid test I got angry and made my response," she said.
"I felt sort of triumphant after that because of the people who commented on my post saying it was outrageous for me to be excluded but that quickly faded away when my parents and siblings started calling telling me I ruined the whole trip and the wedding and they've been like this since I made the post," she admitted.
She told us she spends most of her time alone in her room. "I feel at times numb and dejected, just to be inundated the next minute with feelings of guilt and panic... It's gotten better since I posted on reddit and I've started to actively look up for things to do regarding the upcoming school-year and moving out. Having a place to vent and getting advice and affirmation has also been a godsend."
The daughter has always been more of an introvert than the rest of her family
“Since I was a little kid, I've tried to avoid participating in things because I was uncomfortable in large gatherings," she revealed. "By the time I started showing more willingness to be a part of my family's activities, they weren't interested anymore in me." The teen told us she has often felt like a burden.
She claims her family often made comments about how she'd be more comfortable in her bedroom. And says the difference in personalities possibly drew a rift between her and her relatives. "I have to admit that their idea of fun is not the same as mine because I'm more reserved and introverted by nature but I realized later on that that created a distance between them and I."
Image credits: Emma Bauso / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Unless you’re planning on eloping, weddings are usually shared with your nearest and dearest
It’s a tough balancing act keeping everyone happy on your big day. Whether it’s about table seating, who gets invited, or what part someone plays, conflict can arise. There are some traditional roles that need to be filled, like walking the bride down the aisle, being a bridesmaid, groomsman, or giving the toast. And friends or family members might have expectations of where they fit in.
Experts say its's important to think things through carefully, and to communicate properly. “Open and honest communication early on is super important with your family members so there are no preconceived ideas about what you will be doing and no assumptions either,” reads this wedding planner blog. While there was some communication when the parents started planning the wedding, the family couldn't agree on what role the teenager would play. So she was left out of the wedding party.
There are many different ways to make friends and family feel included on your wedding day
Mindy Weiss is a celebrity event planner. On her site, Weiss says sometimes just asking a loved one if they want to be involved shows that you care. She says you don’t necessarily have to give each family member a role in the wedding party. There are other ways to make them feel included. And avoid an awkward situation.
You can ask them to hand out programs, confetti, usher guests to their seats, or even perform a song or poem. Weiss also suggests planning something special that honors their role in your relationship. This can be anything from unity candles, to a tree planting or sand ceremony.
Marriage Celebrant Prue Takle describes a sand ceremony as “small vials of coloured sand are poured into a glass bowl or vase. This becomes a many-layered decorative keepsake.” Tackle says it’s a great idea for a couple who has children or relatives who’d like to participate. She says you can go a step further by writing a family vow, or mentioning your children in your personal vows.
The teenager claims her parents called her “entitled” and accused her of intentionally hiding in the shadows or making herself small
“When my parents returned they, and my siblings, berated me for a good while. They accused me of being jealous, a brat, of being too sensitive," the teen told Bored Panda. She added that her family "tried to defend themselves by putting the blame on me, for staying quiet before the trip, for not fighting harder to get there and for causing unnecessary drama with my post.”
She said she was already feeling bad because of the texts and voice notes she'd received from her family before they returned. "I was apologetic and cried. I even offered to take the post down but my father just looked at me with disgust and said ‘What's the point? The harm is already done.' My mom said that for the rest of her life whenever she looks at her wedding pictures she would only be able to think of how I humiliated them and that I ruined what was supposed to be such a happy moment in their lives," she added.
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
“Entitled”, “brattish” and “attention-seeking” are just some of the words often thrown at the last born child in a family
Experts say this is because of something known as “youngest child syndrome”. It's not a medical or psychological disorder but psychologists have found that many "babies" of the family of display certain characteristics. According to Choosing Therapy, "some of the traits associated with this birth order position include spoiled, free-spirited, and persistent."
“Parents have only so much energy and attention that they can give to their children. By the time the youngest child arrives, parents may be running low on both," reads the site. "Thus, the youngest may have to work harder to get the attention they crave from their parents and their older siblings.”
The daughter told us she feels like her parents would prefer her to be someone else
“I guess what I would like to say to my parents is that you chose to have a child but you don't get to choose who they are and regardless of how similar or different they are from you, regardless of if you understand them, love should be unconditional and it's their jobs as parents to look for this bonds, not us children," she said.
"I know I wasn't the kid my parents wanted but they shouldn't have allowed to make me feel like that, like a burden that someone imposed upon them, because that is how I feel and I'm still having a hard time getting over the guilt of not being the girl my parents wanted, and that breaks me.”
"They started it. You finished it": Many took the teenager's side, saying she was justified in her actions
