Cheating is never okay in a relationship, even if it’s all just emotional. Some people who engage in infidelity like this also get defensive when they’re confronted about it, no matter how much their actions have hurt the other person.
This is what a controlling man did when his young daughter found his secret messages to other women. She informed her mother about it, which led to her dad going ballistic. He ended up playing the victim despite having orchestrated the entire situation.
More info: Mumsnet
Cheaters often deny their actions and try to deflect the blame onto other people
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The poster shared that her 11-year-old daughter found out that her dad had been pretending to be a single parent on text with other women
Image credits: Hari Nandakumar / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The man had convinced the other women so well that they kept telling him they’d treat him better and wanted to come stay with him
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The young girl replied to the messages and told all the women the truth about how her mom had stayed despite her dad's mental health issues
Image credits: Fellipe Ditadi / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
When the man found out what his daughter had done, he threatened to kick her out, but the mom was financially dependent on him, so she couldn’t leave
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After people gave her advice, the woman updated that she was thinking of leaving her husband so that she could keep her daughter safe from him
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Instead of realizing his mistakes, the man went on the offensive and tried to threaten his wife and daughter
What the poster didn’t know was that her husband had been sending secret messages to several ladies. He was clearly flirting with them and trying to paint a picture that he didn’t have any support at home. Rather than work on his marriage, the man decided to seek connection elsewhere, which was unfair to his wife.
Although he might not have been physically cheating, the man had been engaging in emotional infidelity. This is when someone strikes up a strong emotional connection with a person other than their spouse. They give that person more importance than they should, and might neglect their intimacy with their partner.
Unfortunately for the couple, their young daughter came across her dad’s messages and got a chance to read them. In the texts, he had been lying to multiple ladies, saying that he was a single dad and had to do everything on his own. Knowing that her own father was up to such antics would be such a shocking thing for a girl her age.
Affairs usually have the most negative impact on the other person in the relationship, but they can also hurt the children involved. Research suggests that a young person’s emotional and social development may be hindered in response to a parent’s infidelity. They may also develop a toxic view of relationships.
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The OP didn’t find out about her husband’s actions until she went camping with her daughter. Once there, all hell broke loose when her husband got extremely mad at her and the young girl. He called the 11-year-old girl “dangerous” and said that he doesn’t love or want her back because she snooped on his messages and replied to the ladies involved.
This type of defensive behavior is normal for a cheater who has been caught. They might be so deep in their deception that they no longer see their actions as wrong, and think that anyone who’s trying to stop them is bad. They might try to get away with everything by shifting blame onto other people, gaslighting, and giving all kinds of excuses.
The poster had probably been manipulated by her husband for so long that she didn’t realize how toxic his behavior was. Instead, she tried to rationalize his actions and speak to the other women involved. Even though the man posed a threat to their child, she still brushed off the truth multiple times and tried to give him grace due to his mental health problems.
A person’s poor mental health doesn’t excuse their bad behavior. Many people might avoid taking responsibility for their actions by saying that they are dealing with tough psychological conditions, but this only puts more pressure on the other people in their lives.
Netizens also told the woman that she shouldn’t be putting up with such behavior, for herself, and especially for the sake of her kid. Hopefully, the OP took people’s advice to heart and decided to escape from the clutches of her controlling husband.
Do you think there’s any other way to deal with an intense situation like this? We’d love to hear your honest thoughts on this story.
People were adamant that the woman shouldn’t give in to her husband’s gaslighting and should get away from him as soon as possible
