Raising kids is not easy, but relying on the eldest children for help is a common mistake. It's hard to say just how many kids get parentified, but according to the U.S. National Alliance for Caregiving, about 1.4 million children and adolescents experience parentification.
For some, it even extends into adulthood, as it did for this 23-year-old woman. Fed up with her mother's unreasonable requests to babysit a 10- and a 12-year-old while there's a dog she's allergic to roaming the house, the young adult decided to move out. Unsurprisingly, the mother went straight into guilt-trip mode, and the entire family ganged up on the young woman.
A 23 Y.O. was fed up with having to babysit her step-siblings and living with a dog she's allergic to, so she moved out
Image credits: Sandra Seitamaa / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But her mother started guilt-tripping her, saying she couldn't find anyone to help her with childcare
Image credits: sedrik2007 / envato (not the actual photo)
The woman thought her step-siblings were old enough to be home alone: "I was 10 when I started being left alone"
Image credits: DogSnifflesThrowaway
Parentification can extend well into adulthood
When we think of parentification, we often imagine a teen babysitting or taking care of their younger siblings. "There's no harm in the eldest helping the parents out sometimes with childcare," some people think. Yet, relaying so much responsibility to a teen or child is not healthy.
As a mental health consultant and author, Imi Lo explained to Bored Panda previously, it may be accepted in some cultures, but that does not make it appropriate. "Even as an older sibling, you are still a child yourself, with your own developmental needs," she says. Parental roles and responsibilities are not "developmentally appropriate" for children or teenagers, Imi Lo adds.
Essentially, stepping into the role of a parent to take care of younger siblings or step-siblings robs a person of their own childhood or adolescence. What's more, parentified kids may feel the effects of parentification even when they're adults.
According to Imi Lo, adults who have been parentified often struggle with these five things:
- Difficulty setting boundaries and saying no, leading to overgiving tendencies and burnout.
- A lost sense of self and trouble identifying or expressing their own needs and desires.
- Challenges with intimate relationships due to taking on a caretaking role and losing themselves.
- Anxiety, depression, and unresolved anger are tied to the burdens placed on them.
- Perfectionism and overachievement to gain validation and love that they lacked in childhood.
Usually, a child grows up and develops their own family unit. But that's hard for parentified individuals, as they are still overinvolved with their parents' lives. Like the eldest sister in this story, they feel an obligation to help with childcare and, as Imi Lo puts it, feel "intense guilt if they try to pull away."
There are common misconceptions about what exactly triggers pet allergies in people
Image credits: Josh Hild / unspalsh (not the actual photo)
Dog allergies are a pretty common ailment. In the U.S., about 10% of the population shows allergic sensitization to dogs. Some sources claim that cat allergies are twice as common, but despite this, some cat and dog owners choose to keep their pets.
Of course, each situation is different and the OP is by no means obligated to keep living with a pet she's allergic to if she doesn't feel comfortable. However, individuals who do decide to keep living with their pets often have to determine what actually makes them allergic to their pet.
Many people believe that what makes a person allergic to a dog is its hair. That's why some believe that hypoallergenic breeds are suitable for people with allergies. Yet, as Dr. Jerry Klein, Chief Veterinary Officer for the AKC, explains, dander is the most common culprit in triggering allergic reactions.
Dander is the tiny bits of skin that dogs shed, just like some humans shed dandruff. When mixed with other allergens, such as the dog's bodily fluids that contain proteins, they cause symptoms like a runny nose and watery eyes. That's why experts recommend taking an allergy test and determining what exactly the person is allergic to.
For example, some people are allergic to the Can f 5 protein, which is only carried by male dogs. According to the AKC, about 30% of allergic people may be able to tolerate a female dog or a neutered male dog in the house if they only have a Can f 5 allergy.
Commenters urged the young woman not to give in to the shaming and guilt-tripping: "You have the right to move out"
However, others disagreed, asking why she couldn't just take some meds, and believed the kids were too young to be left alone
